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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To charge for Christmas lunch?

313 replies

katie3677 · 14/12/2009 12:36

My parents are away this Christmas and as we are housesitting for them we will for once have space to have all of DH's family over for Christmas lunch (10 adults, 7 kids), so have all been invited. Last year DSIL did Christmas lunch at her house and I helped. We were all tasked with bringing something, and whilst she did the main course, I did starter and Christmas pudding and brought champagne (well, prosecco actually) for Champagne cocktails. DBIL's girlfriend was tasked with bringing wine, but rang me at midday on Christmas day to say could I bring wine as she had drunk it all the night before. She promised to pay me for it but never did.
As a result, I have decided this year that instead of divvying up jobs etc, (which didn't work out fairly at all last year) that I will charge each adult £25 towards the cost, no charge for the kids, and I will do all the shopping, cooking and preparing, so all they have to do on the day is turn up, eat and drink. I thought this was quite a kindness, but DBIL's girlfriend has taken issue with this and I am struggling to get themoney off most of them up front.
We are by no means rich and it would cost me a fortune to do Christmas lunch for this amount of people, so I thought this was the fairest way. AIBU to think that this is fair?

OP posts:
RockBird · 14/12/2009 12:54

I agree with everyone who said you can't really charge people for Chrismtas dinner but I also think that it's very unfair for you to have to pay for it all as it does work out expensive. Everyone thinks it's a great idea to have a big gathering for Christmas but practical stuff like this is never really addressed.

I would have said something along the lines of you don't mind hosting it for everyone but you're not going to pay for it all so they can either chip in with food or give you some money towards it.

It is very very tough and I do sympathise, it's so tricky and not fair at all that you do all the work and all the spending but it does feel wrong to charge for it.

Virginbirth · 14/12/2009 12:55

Oh my god. I am trying to imagine being forced to spend Christmas with my in-laws and then being asked to pay for the privilege!

Call it off. You sound like you don't want them there. And now that you have billed them all, I'm quite sure they don't want to come either.

I did have to titter at the thought of your BIL's girlfriend drinking all the wine she was meant to be bringing last year - I wonder why she felt she needed some dutch courage for Christmas Day with you lot...

SqueezinAroundTheXmasTree · 14/12/2009 12:55

Yep, you can't charge for Christmas dinner. No way. It's just not right. It's bad enough having to pay 30 or 40 nicker to eat mass produced crap on works nights out, never mind having to pay to eat at relatives on the actual day. And by the way, I am NOT saying you'd be putting out mass produced crap. It's just the idea of having to fork out more and more every year for these types of things.

The thing is too, if you involve other peoples money, they will want a say or will expect certain things to fit in with their tastes (cue cooking 10 different main courses because such and such wants this or that).....you can't win.

Original poster
katie3677 · 14/12/2009 12:56

Bah Humbug, if none of you are going to side with me then Christmas is cancelled

OP posts:
glastocat · 14/12/2009 12:57

Please don't do this you will look like a tightfisted loon. I agree its not fair, but you just can't invite people for Xmas dinner and charge them, you will never ever live it down.

girlafraid · 14/12/2009 12:58

Wow - really really really unreasonable

and mean

Asking people to bring stuff is perfectly acceptable but an upfront charge, particularly such a high one is really out of order and just makes you look awful

If you can't afford it either do something cheaper or don't offer

mistletoekisses · 14/12/2009 12:58

Well in that case, stick to your guns. If they cannot be relied on to do their part; and are placing you in this situation - then you are well within your rights.
If you end up paying for everything, then you will only end up resenting them!

FabIsGettingReadyForChristmas · 14/12/2009 12:58

If you can't afford to feed people you shouldn't invite them.

cassell · 14/12/2009 12:58

I think yabu but what does your dh say? They are his family - does he agree with charging them?

Tbh if you've invited them to christmas lunch they expect to be able to sit back, relax & get drunk - and without having to pay for it!

inthesticks · 14/12/2009 12:58

This is a joke ? Surely?
Where do you shop to spend that kind of money on food?

PrincessToadstool · 14/12/2009 12:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LoveBeingAMummyKissingSanta · 14/12/2009 13:03

YABU on two counts, firstly cause of your op and secondly cause you expected AIBU to all be on your side

I would offer to take somthing and then also take something as a additional gift/contribution if the inlaws are not like this maybe you should ahve got your dp to speask to them rather than charge them.

dairymoo · 14/12/2009 13:03

Agree that you can't charge, family or otherwise. It's Christmas.

If you don't like the idea of asking people to bring contributions (which, even though it didn't work out last year, still seems like the obvious solution to me) then perhaps you need to look at a cheaper menu.

KERALA1 · 14/12/2009 13:05

Dont tell us you have already asked them for the money please! How excruciatingly embarrassing. As others have said if you can't afford it and dont want to make the effort either dont invite them or ask them to bring dishes if you think they wont bring anything be specific about what to arrive with. You just cannot cannot charge people you have invited to your house. I am cringing for you. Should I ask the mums coming round this afternoon for cups of tea and biscuits and tea for children say £4 a head? Or £5. Just a no no.

Fourisenoughthanks · 14/12/2009 13:05

Sounds like you hate them. And they won't think too highly of you after this either! Call it off. If they are as bad as you claim, why do you want to spend Christmas with them? Your folks are away so this is the perfect year for you and your DH to spend the day alone doing whatever you want - I would love that!

If someone did this in my family, we would talk about it for years. You will never live it down and be remembered forever as a Scrooge. You shouldn't have invited them in the first place if you weren't able to host them properly. Call it off or suck it up.

Kathyis12feethighandbites · 14/12/2009 13:07

am loving the cheaper menu idea. Festive potato and lentil stew perhaps.... followed by a big apple crumble made from windfalls. All served with really rough homebrew wine.

OhChristmasTEEOhChristmasTEE · 14/12/2009 13:07

I am appalled. If you cannot afford to have people for Christmas lunch, then you do not invite them for Christmas lunch. You certainly do not charge them for it.

Ask them to bring things is fine. Asking for money is not.

LilySwalLoosHerTurkeyBaster · 14/12/2009 13:08

Whilst i don't think it's right to charge people for xmas dinner i think £250 is not unreasonable for 17 people for a 3 course dinner and booze all day.
A turkey for that many will cost £50 from the butchers.
Say £100 on booze and then all the other bits....

WideWebWitch · 14/12/2009 13:08

Did you make it clear you'd be doing this when you invited them?

Because "hey, how about I cook and you all pay me a proportion, say £x,?" is a very different proposition to

"would you like to come to Christmas lunch?" and THEN charging them.

I wouldn't charge and would be hugely embarrassed to do so but I think if you can't afford to cater for everyone then it IS fine to ask for contributions but ONLY if you do so in advance so everyone's expecting it. Then they can decide whether or not to come.

So, if they agreed to it and that was the invitation you issued then yes, it's fine (and if that fits with how things are done in your family, e.g. you all help each other out with big events/when things are tough financially) - if not, well, it's an odd thing to do.

sazlocks · 14/12/2009 13:09

sorry to add to the masses but I think YABU as well.
There is no way on earth I would pay for christmas dinner with DH relatives and if I was asked then on principal I would go and spend 50 quid on M and S goodies and stay home in my PJs with DH and DS instead !
I have a better idea for you - how about you look round some local pubs, resturants etc and go out for xmas dinner instead ?

QuintessentialShadows · 14/12/2009 13:10

erm, are your parents ok with you inviting all your inlaws to party at their house this christmas?

you have okayed it with them?

Fourisenoughthanks · 14/12/2009 13:10

sazlocks has the answer! Problem solved.

grenadine · 14/12/2009 13:11

I would never charge people to eat in my house. £25 is a huge amount - how much is your food costing..sounds more expensive than eating out.

In your position I would take responsibility for buying the turkey, vege etc. Ask the others to bring the puddings, drink, crackers.

Tortington · 14/12/2009 13:12

i would rather eat my own fanny than pay a RELATIVE for xmas day.

i'd tell you to stick it - and probably not speak to you ever again.

mistletoekisses · 14/12/2009 13:14

Can I just ask those who are all slating the OP (and I can see your points).

Would any of you turn up empty handed (as the OP's family seem to) when someone else was hosting something this big.

It is pretty rude of them to put her in this positon.

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