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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To charge for Christmas lunch?

313 replies

katie3677 · 14/12/2009 12:36

My parents are away this Christmas and as we are housesitting for them we will for once have space to have all of DH's family over for Christmas lunch (10 adults, 7 kids), so have all been invited. Last year DSIL did Christmas lunch at her house and I helped. We were all tasked with bringing something, and whilst she did the main course, I did starter and Christmas pudding and brought champagne (well, prosecco actually) for Champagne cocktails. DBIL's girlfriend was tasked with bringing wine, but rang me at midday on Christmas day to say could I bring wine as she had drunk it all the night before. She promised to pay me for it but never did.
As a result, I have decided this year that instead of divvying up jobs etc, (which didn't work out fairly at all last year) that I will charge each adult £25 towards the cost, no charge for the kids, and I will do all the shopping, cooking and preparing, so all they have to do on the day is turn up, eat and drink. I thought this was quite a kindness, but DBIL's girlfriend has taken issue with this and I am struggling to get themoney off most of them up front.
We are by no means rich and it would cost me a fortune to do Christmas lunch for this amount of people, so I thought this was the fairest way. AIBU to think that this is fair?

OP posts:
whifflegarden · 14/12/2009 22:11

I still think you're being unreasonable in that you're deciding what to make and how much to charge.

What if some of them can't afford what you're proposing? You're leaving them in a very embarrassing position Not able to pay but not able to decline especially now that you've bought so much.

You may be generous, and have spent a lot including the £10 present per child but if you're going to invite then be prepared to top up for those who don't pay....alternatively, loosen your grip and have people bring various things.

In my family we agree the menu and then either people bring different dishes and drinks or contribute what they can afford.

JInglesBells · 14/12/2009 22:15

well I think it's Katie's christmas as well, she's cooking, preparing, organising so Op decides. If it's too much or they wanted to do something else they should have said in Oct not 14th Dec.

whifflegarden · 14/12/2009 22:34

Well, I think she's left herself in an impossible situation. Having asked for this amount of money I'm sure the guests will have expectations of the standard of food/drink that will be on offer on the day. Which to my mind takes away from the spirit of Christmas.....and as another poster mentioned, sets a bad precedent for coming years when others host and expect to be "paid" similar amounts but may not be able to present the same quality as the OP.

Families can be funny, esp when it comes to ILs. Who knows what they're thinking I do think it's rude of them not to offer to contribute...but if you've offered to host, then you have to be prepared to put up with guests who are unreasonable/selfish enough not to think of offering help. Oh well, lessons learned.

Sounds like it's only 2 of them who're about paying anyway, so I shouldn't think it's a problem.

ENJOY your lunch and get them to do some washing up and clearing away

ItsAllaBitNoisy · 14/12/2009 22:53

Can't be arsed to read through 26 pages, but YABU and the best thing you could ask for are PARAGRAPHS.

ClaireDeLoon · 14/12/2009 22:57

That's an idea - the two tightwads have to do all the washing up and clearing away. Including cleaning the oven.

zookeeper · 14/12/2009 23:02

Charging for Christmas dinner? YABU. Ask them all to bring along something or cancel the invite. But don't charge. Still less £25!!

Why not put a lock on the bathroom door and charge them for using the facilities?

JaneiteMightBite · 14/12/2009 23:04

YABVVVVU imho. They are family - you invite them for the pleasure of their company and do it gladly, or you shouldn't invite them at all.

ItsAllaBitNoisy · 14/12/2009 23:04

Is the OP Michael O'Leary? Has shades of Ryanair about it..

BettySuarez · 14/12/2009 23:18

Charging for christmas dinner does sound a bit off but then what's the alternative? Cooking for 17 people is going to be bloody expensive and I don't see why the OP should have to foot the bill.

I am quite lucky in that mine and DH's respective families are very 'on the ball' in this respect and would all get organised with who provided what etc. Virtually zero chance of anyone having to chip in more then their fair shre.

So I do feel sorry for you as it sounds as if your family is a bit too laid back.

If it were me, not only would I charge the feckers but I would issue a washing up rota too

cakewench · 14/12/2009 23:23

k I read the first few pages and now I'm just skimming.

Have you spoken to the slackers personally? Or, better, had your DH speak to them (seeing as they are his family?) I'm not sure it's worth complaining about the BIL's gf being lazy- is it just because she's the female part of the couple that she's expected to contribute? Or did BIL bring something and she dropped the ball, specifically?

When you talk about those who don't contribute, is it a vast number of them, or just one or two?

I digress. I, personally, wouldn't charge people money for Christmas dinner. I'd probably pay for the food and tell them it'd be a dry evening if they didn't cough up some wine etc. But, they've all agreed to it. I'd point out here that it doesn't seem like you've avoided what happened last year at all- lazy people are possibly going to get away with not paying. So unless you really enjoy doing all the hard work yourself, maybe next time just go back to having everyone contribute food/drink...

PoppityMerryGentlemen · 14/12/2009 23:27

Curiousmama, I should have known, she invited 50 people to a family party last year, and then told me I was doing the puddings and my Mum the mains.......she supplied the salad.

urbanewarrior · 15/12/2009 00:20

Katie

I think you're definitely not BU and they're very lucky to have you offer to do this. £25 including everything is a real bargain and I can't believe you're not going to be out of pocket. Where do you live? Can I invite my family? I promise we'd stump up

Poppity my DB is exactly the same - he managed to get us all to cater for his wedding by similar tactics. In the end he provided some crisps, and some cava he rushed out to buy after I lent him the cash. And he's not short of it...

nappyaddict · 15/12/2009 01:13

As you've already asked them and bought most of the food and they did agree to it then they are being unreasonable in not keeping to their side of the bargain.

However I still think YABU to have charged in the first place. If it was me I would have said "Right, we have the space this year to do Christmas so who wants to come? I will set up a list of what we will need and then everyone can choose something to bring if that's ok pand if those of us that drink can each bring some booze that'd be great."

Awassailinglookingforanswers · 15/12/2009 01:18

ok - haven't read the entire thread - so don't know what the consensus is.

But WTF - you want to charge your family for lunch

cheesypopfan · 15/12/2009 08:26

sorry - haven't read whole thread so this might have already been said, but I just can't get my head around charging for a family dinner that you have invited them to. If you can't/ don't want to do it, then don't invite them.

You really should have said at the beginning, 'I can only invite you all for Christmas if you help out as I can't afford this all myself', or words to that effect. It sounds like some of your family are a bit selfish to say the least, but i can't see how this will help tbh

kingprawntikka · 15/12/2009 09:05

I don't think YABU to expect everyone to bring a contribution towards the food/ drink if that was clear at the time of the invite , but it does seem unreasonable and a bit rude to ask for money.
We were invited to a family party once. The event was wanted and organised by older members of the family. My inlaws were part of this older group, but wanted all their children and grandchildren there. It was 250 miles from our home and so involved a lot of petrol and a two nights staying somewhere. We didn't really have any interest in going and only went to please my inlaws. When we got there my MIL asked me for £25 contribution towards the food she had brought for part of the buffet. I paid up but thought it was incredibly rude and penny pinching, especially as our costs were petrol and staying over and they only had a short drive. Needless to say we don't bother to go to things like this now!!

ChoChoSan · 15/12/2009 09:10

I don't think the answer is to buy cheaper food here - it seems as it is the principle of chipping in that OPs family are opposed to (although they could have told her sooner), rather than the cost...and have you seen how much booze people can chuck down their necks over the duration of Xmas day?

Also, bear in mind that the adults are all subsidising the children's food as well...might not be much, but it does make a difference.

If I was in the same position I would not want to go and buy a load of ready made crap from Iceland for my bloody Christmas dinner...I would make what I wanted and let people know the cost. If it was too much for any particular people, then they could contribute what they could afford (and judging from the posts, I think the OP would think that reasonable too)

ijustwanttoaskaquestion · 15/12/2009 09:26

This thread has made me really sad

Christmas is principally a christian celebration - however, it has expanded to include everyone and i think that its brilliant. Even though im a lapsed catholic Christmas to me is about my family, about appreciating one another, having a nice meal together. It is not about showing off and shovelling as much food and drink down my throat as i possibly can. It just seems to me that christmas is one giant greed fest We buy presents we can't afford and our children get so much they no longer appreciate it (im not criticising because im just as guilty of it), we stuff ourselves full of chocolate, alcohol, mince pies and turkey - and if we are all sodding honest, hardly any of us even like sodding turkey, its invariably dried out and tasteless - hence the barriage of sauces needed to accompany it.

I think if i felt I had to charge people to come to my house (or wherever im staying at the time)for xmas day i would have to re-evaluate whether or not i really want those people around me, becuase i certainly wouldnt charge them if i did! I would also have to look at HOW MUCH FOOD I WAS CONSUMING??? WTF??£250???? for one meal - disgusting

It seems to me that the OP wants the limelight, wants to be the domsetic goddess but feels put upon at the same time - So i have the solution.

Cut down on the expense, STILL take £25 per adult and donate half of it to the homeless!!

Just a thought! Spirit of xmas and all that

lowenergylightbulb · 15/12/2009 09:58

I'd be really happy to pay £25 for a big family xmas dinner, with none of the hassle of the cooking - I'd bring a few bottles too!

YANBU.

lostinwales · 15/12/2009 10:04

Don't have time to read the whole thread, but as I regularly cook christmas, easter meals for Dh's family, wine, all food etc, I would never have the guts to ask for money but I bloody wish I could . And I'm a lovely christian lady who adores my in laws, but we don't have heaps of money and it costs a good hundred or so to do it nicely for so many people. I have a feeling I'm in the minority here though.

oldernowiser · 15/12/2009 10:11

Will you split the bill according to how much they eat/drink? You could lay it all out like a canteen and charge per item! Give the kids a till to operate and hey presto, everyone's happy!

YABU, when people are your guests you don't charge them! if you are not hospitable then don't entertain.

crumpet · 15/12/2009 10:31

"The Year That Katie Made Everyone Pay" is going to live on for a very long time in family legend.

YANBU to want to make sure that everyone pulls their weight, but issuing an invite then charging afterwards is VVU - as is the amount.

lowenergylightbulb · 15/12/2009 10:33

She didn't issue an invite and then charge, she was up front about contributions.

I do wish that people would read threads properly before jumping in their judgy pants.

crumpet · 15/12/2009 10:38

Oh. Just seen the post about the cost being part of the invite - in that case no, not unreasonable (but bet the incident will still live on albeit in a slightly different form!)

crumpet · 15/12/2009 10:40

(and lowenergy, you're right - I hadn't read the whole thread - was carried away by the family drama!)