To charge for Christmas lunch?

[katie3677]

My parents are away this Christmas and as we are housesitting for them we will for once have space to have all of DH's family over for Christmas lunch (10 adults, 7 kids), so have all been invited. Last year DSIL did Christmas lunch at her house and I helped. We were all tasked with bringing something, and whilst she did the main course, I did starter and Christmas pudding and brought champagne (well, prosecco actually) for Champagne cocktails. DBIL's girlfriend was tasked with bringing wine, but rang me at midday on Christmas day to say could I bring wine as she had drunk it all the night before. She promised to pay me for it but never did.
As a result, I have decided this year that instead of divvying up jobs etc, (which didn't work out fairly at all last year) that I will charge each adult £25 towards the cost, no charge for the kids, and I will do all the shopping, cooking and preparing, so all they have to do on the day is turn up, eat and drink. I thought this was quite a kindness, but DBIL's girlfriend has taken issue with this and I am struggling to get themoney off most of them up front.
We are by no means rich and it would cost me a fortune to do Christmas lunch for this amount of people, so I thought this was the fairest way. AIBU to think that this is fair?

I think in this situation the best thing to have done was to ask them if they all wanted to go OUT for xmas lunch together.

If you could not afford to INVITE them for Christmas lunch then you shouldn't have done so. It should have definately been worded completely differently right from the start. e.g. how to you feel about having xmas dinner at my parents place whilst they are away? I am happy to cook, organise and do the shopping but we cannot afford to pay for it all. I estimate the total cost will be around (£x) based on (itemised list) - which will be (£x/each for adults). Then maybe let them all discuss what would the the best way to go.

I would never charge - its just not done even if it sounds reasonable.

We normally ask people to bring puddings and "whats ever you'd like to drink yourself".

If they don't bring anything they don't drink, simple and its doesn't reflect on you if they don't bring anything but on them.

You are charging them becasue you are a self admitted control freak - but maybe they don't want things done the way you would do them so why should they pay for you doing things the way you want them done. Part of the point of Xmas is not havng a perfect meal with exacatly the right wine - its about festivities and jolliness and inclusiveness and I'm afriad that means Great Aunt Nellies inedible sherry trifle having a space on the Xmas table along with your Nigella Lawson's christmas truffle cake

All depends on the relationship. Pre-child my friends and I had a similar set-up. My friend and I did all the shopping and cooking, other friends contributed financially and were pleased not to have the hassle of panic buying smoked salmon, Christmas crackers, booze, Stilton, and whatever. We did this several times (and were asked to). We weren't great cooks but did know how to put on a Christmas extravaganza. It worked, basically.
£25 p/h sounds steep but isn't if you factor in wine with dinner, fizz with your smoked salmon, port with the cheese and so on.

Unbelievable!
Do people pay in full up front, or have to put down a desposit?
Do they have a menu to choose from or is it set?
What are your cancellation charges?
Do they have to tip you and your DH for carving the turkey and serving the wine?

TBH I sometimes think my ILs should pay ME to having Xmas dinner with them, its such a depressing affair.

Stop trying to show off and be the boss, and have a good think about what you are tyring to achieve - which I would presume is a nice, relaxed and happy Chrimbo!

YABVU and I did think the post was a wind up at first.

If you choose to host and invite people, its then very rude to turn around and say oh by the way its £25 a head. If you can't afford the meal then you should not have invited people.

If you feel someone may forget something you could have simply said i'll do the food but you need to bring drinks - then if they dont its no big deal as you dont actually need the drink to complete the meal anyway.

If someone invited me for xmas dinner and then said you owe me £25 i'd be upset and can't repeat what I know DH would say. I'd offer to bring something and would ensure I had the items needed.

yabu
if you can't afford it, don't invite.
My brother doesn't get an invite because he brings his brood of 5 along and never brings so much as a four pack. Stopped asking him on principle (not tight, just get pigged off with people who stuff their faces, don't speak and go!)

What happens if the meal isn't up to standard, will you be giving refunds?

Only joking, I can fully understand where you are coming from, being a control freak myself, but think that in order to keep everyone happy it would be better to make it a Jacob's join sort of affair rather than charging.

Also, if you give everyone something to bring and let everyone else know (via a list) who is bringing what, if anyone fails to deliver it is down to them not you!

Our local Spar was always open Christmas day, so anyone who tipped up without the necessary could be sent out to the shops!

YABU, you it's bad form to charge your family for Christmas dinner. It is entirely reasonable, however, to ask and expect them to contribute by bringing wine/beer/whatever.

That said, I recall a thread a while back where a couple getting married were planning to ask their guests to pay for their meals 'cos they were skint. There weren't many guests, and whilst I also found that unreasonable, many mumsnetters thought it was fine, so what's the difference to charge for a Xmas meal?

I would send an email backtracking and divvy out starters, desserts etc and then like custy says if someoen forgets something or doesnt bother then the blame falls on them and its tough shit.

Cancel, cancel, cancel the whole thing, it will not be fun for you (stress! resentment!)or them (resentment! They might say hurtful things about not getting their money´s worth, they will keep dropping hints about how you dared to charge them).

It was an easy mistake to make, you were being logical, but Christmas defies logic.

Cancel this doomed affair, and have a nice M&S dinner for two in front of telly with hubbie, and LOADS of champagne, and now...

breathe....

better?

While I don't agree with retrospectively imposing a lunch fee in this way, I also think £25 is actually not a bad deal for Christmas dinner. If anyone can get a meal out on Christmas Day for under £30 a head, please tell me where! And compared to going out, it's actually a better deal as you get everything done for you, plus you can collapse in front of the TV. So if it helps, on the costing front I think you weren't too far out. However, Quint's email is definitely the way to go with it now. If the BIL's girlfriend turns up empty-handed again, say 'Oh well, if you pop to the shops now you'll be back by the time we eat' - I don't care if there are no shops nearby, send them anyway!

And LOL at the Thanksgiving message.

my SIL does this and charges her own parents!

unbelievable but true

I think the OP should set up an electronic slate on an Excel worksheet on her laptop - placed neatly at end of festive Christmas table? Extra slice of turkey? That'll be a pound, love. Plus 50p if you want extra stuffing with it. You want to pull a cracker? Oh let's see ... call it £2.50 shall we? I just click on autosum ... hey, that's £29.00 for you and pud's still to come!

I'm wondering exactly what the OP's parents think of their house being used for SIL's (allegedly usually drunken) family Christmas too.

Actually, that's a point. You'll be using your parents electricity. Does the £25 include a contribution towards their utilities bill?!!

My SIL was contemplating this. Went down like a ton of bricks. It is VERY rude IMO, particularly as there's the emotional blackmail element of families and xmas (under normal circumstances, would you really want to spend vast quantities of time with these people, drunk and emotional?) so you can't really refuse to go, but then have to pay. It's a double whammy.

25pounds for one adult is extortionate imo!

The reason eating out is so expensive on the day is wages.

OP, I think you have got a bit carried away by having to room to have everyone around.

Couldn´t you have less for lunch & others for an evening "bring your own" buffet?

What I can't understand is if it was a pain to get the money out of your dbil's girlfriend (or whoever it was, I got confused) last year, what makes you think THIS will be easier. There are bound to be people who don't pay, say they'll pay later etc etc. Sounds like more of a nightmare for you this way.

What you could do is say you are having a kitty for the booze alone - maybe?? - and get people to contribute to that? Be a bit more manageable I think.

If they offer to chip in accept graciously but if not then you can't ask them for money. However I think it would be OK to ask them to bring something along.

You must be joking. Of course YABU.

Do they happen to call you cheapsKatie by any chance?

I haven't read the whole thread but is this a wind up?

rofl 'cheapsKatie'

Maybe do the food, and then ask them to bring booze. They don't bring booze, they don't drink. Sorted

why not just go out for dinner and then it is bloody obvious they'll all have to pay their way! no quarelling that way

It's clearly too late now but rather than announcing your intention to charge for dinner, OP, it might have been more diplomtic to send out something like this:

"Rather than everyone having to go shopping individually, I thought it might be easier if I did all the shopping and everyone chipped in. I calculate it should come to about £25 per adult. How does that sound? Obviously if you prefer to pick stuff up yourself that's fine - let me know."

MIL wanted to charge us all £30 a couple for Xmas buffet- buffet mind, not dinner.
Considering the food on offer would have been crap and the wine warm and sweet (served in tumblers)- we declined.

YABU