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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To charge for Christmas lunch?

313 replies

katie3677 · 14/12/2009 12:36

My parents are away this Christmas and as we are housesitting for them we will for once have space to have all of DH's family over for Christmas lunch (10 adults, 7 kids), so have all been invited. Last year DSIL did Christmas lunch at her house and I helped. We were all tasked with bringing something, and whilst she did the main course, I did starter and Christmas pudding and brought champagne (well, prosecco actually) for Champagne cocktails. DBIL's girlfriend was tasked with bringing wine, but rang me at midday on Christmas day to say could I bring wine as she had drunk it all the night before. She promised to pay me for it but never did.
As a result, I have decided this year that instead of divvying up jobs etc, (which didn't work out fairly at all last year) that I will charge each adult £25 towards the cost, no charge for the kids, and I will do all the shopping, cooking and preparing, so all they have to do on the day is turn up, eat and drink. I thought this was quite a kindness, but DBIL's girlfriend has taken issue with this and I am struggling to get themoney off most of them up front.
We are by no means rich and it would cost me a fortune to do Christmas lunch for this amount of people, so I thought this was the fairest way. AIBU to think that this is fair?

OP posts:
Alarmbellsring · 14/12/2009 13:14

Am I out of order for taking the money?

secretgardin · 14/12/2009 13:15

i would always offer to bring something along, but would feel really offended if a family member charged to cook me xmas dinner, especially £25 per adult. i would tell them to stuff it (and i don't mean the turkey). what about designated drivers? as they won't be drinking that much, will you give them a discount? just make an auntie bessies xmas feast and add a few polish lagers to quench the thirst shouldn't be more than £2.50 a head.

myalias · 14/12/2009 13:15

You may need that money to pay for the cleaning bill afterwards.

wheredidmyfeetgo · 14/12/2009 13:16

We had 13 for Christmas lunch last year, everyone was tasked with bringing something. We just provided the "main event".
My sister called me a week before and said she wouldn't have time to get the bits she had agreed to do. So she popped some money in to my account so I could get it instead.
I wouldn't have invited that many people if they wern't going to chip in- we have a young family and Christmas is expensive, we're not made of money. Luckily everyone wants to see our young family (only one out of my sisters that has children) so were happy to chip in/ help out.

FabIsGettingReadyForChristmas · 14/12/2009 13:16

I think having a bigger house to show off host in has gone to your head.

Why not have a romantic Christmas with your DH?

Blu · 14/12/2009 13:18

I agree with WWW.

My mother and brother host christmas, and I know the bill for the huge beef joint for 17 people on Christmas Eve plus the turkey is astronomical before everything else is added to the list. I always give my brother a wodge of cash towards it, and we all discuss bringing different things like wine and cheese. But that's different to giving them a bill once the decision is made.

Also, it sounds as if the only problem last year was the DBIL's gf (and why couldn't HE be responsible, why is it her responsibility?) so maybe a bit extreme to change the whole system because of one person?

Anyway, hope it all goes well!

Tortington · 14/12/2009 13:18

people get what they are given- if they are supposed to bring pudding and they don't - then no fucking pudding its hardly a revelation is it - if they are supposed to bring it - and don't then there won't be any

wont be a fking surpise will it.

i am going for xmas dinner and have offered to buy the turkey.

merrycompo · 14/12/2009 13:18

but wheredidmyfeetgo it's a bit rude of your sister to say she didn't have time a week before, why did she think you had time? why was she so busy and what did she ask you to bring?

I think it's very rude to just not bother to get the thing you've been given to bring, op I'd tell your sil that it is all her fault because she drank last yrs xmas wine, that is out of order

merrycompo · 14/12/2009 13:19

agree with custy 'oh you forgot the wine? here's a lemonade then lurve'

LetThereBeRock · 14/12/2009 13:20

YABVU.You can't invite people for dinner and charge them. It's incredibly rude.

nannynobnobs · 14/12/2009 13:20

I think your best bet is telling people that you will not be providing a drop of booze and that they will not be allowed over the threshold unless they have brought what they want to drink. No moochers hoping to just sponge off everyone else's booze- EVERYONE brings some for the day. Surely that would cut costs right down? I'm thinking of asking my dad to bring a decent bottle of posh bubbly as I am providing absolutely everything else, but I don't mind because I invited my guests and I am looking forward to it!

RainRainGoAway · 14/12/2009 13:20

Poor you - what an AIBU landslide.

£25 to charge though, I hope you are now!

You just need to tell them they have to bring things and there is no backtracking from them. DBILs girlfriend sounds like a feckless lush.

secretgardin · 14/12/2009 13:21

thinf OP should have just booked the whole lot in for a set menu somewhere. saves on the arguments, washing and clearing up and everyone pays for their own food and drinks. would probably cost the same as well.

PoppityMerryGentlemen · 14/12/2009 13:22

Hehehehe, very good.

It's a joke, no?

Who are you then?

Fourisenoughthanks · 14/12/2009 13:23

No misteltoe, I would never turn up empty-handed. But equally I would be shocked if someone said "Don't turn up empty-handed". The OP's relatives do sound a bit skanky but that wasn't her question. She specifically asked if it was ok to charge for Christmas lunch. It clearly isn't.

noddyholder · 14/12/2009 13:23

Noooo you can't its xmas a time for giving etc.I think you should make it clear what you would like each couple to bring and fund the actual dinner yourself.if they do drinks puddings and snacks you shouldn't have to spend too much on the rest

Mishy1234 · 14/12/2009 13:23

I don't think £25 per head is that much if it includes wine etc. I have to go against the general opinion here and say that they should contribute. If they can't get it together to bring things, then they should understand that this is the way it has to be. £250 is a lot out of a household budget, especially at Christmas and I would never expect one member of my family to pay for everything.

If I'm invited somewhere for a family Christmas, I always offer a contribution (parents included). If we're travelling a distance it's quite often money.

porcamiseria · 14/12/2009 13:23

nooooo!!!! dont do it it just looks really fucking tight

I would go ape shit if I were your family

ask them to bring stuff

mumeeee · 14/12/2009 13:24

YABVU. My parents are coming for Christmas and we are going out for lunch, We are paying for them although I know Dad will offer to pay something towarsa it. Every year we have a big family party usually at my parents. Everyone contributes something but we have never been charged for it. Also £25 is very expensive for a Christmas lunch at home. We are only paying £30 per head for a 4 course Christmas lunch out.

PoppityMerryGentlemen · 14/12/2009 13:24

Ok, she's real, photos and everything.

OP you are a loooooooooooon!

Mishy1234 · 14/12/2009 13:26

Just to clarify, I don't offer my parents as a contribution, I just offer to pay towards things if they are hosting!

LilySwalLoosHerTurkeyBaster · 14/12/2009 13:26

Why is £250 to feed a 3 course meal for 17 and booze for the day a lot ?
Obviously i am overspending

I agree with what everyone is saying but OP has also been put in a difficult position if people let her sil down last year not bringing their things.
Hardly think the suggestion of refusing to let them in , or not feeding , giving them drink if they arrive empty handed is going to work!!!

Also she wouldn't want to host a party then find she has no turkey to serve up etc

Agree with those who suggested going out for a meal then. Doubt those with kids could get meal and booze for the day for less than £25 per head and kids for free.
You can then host drinks at yours to keep the costs down!!

Rindercella · 14/12/2009 13:26

PMSL @ Custy - never one to beat about the bush Let's hope you never do end up having to eat your fanny!!

Katie, of course YABU asking your ILs to cough up 25 quid a head. If I were your SIL I would kick up a bit of a stink about it too tbh. But I also understand where you are coming from - hosting Christmas for 17 people is going to be very expensive, even if you buy a Bernard Matthews special. Why did you ask them? What does your DH say? How could your DBIL's gf drink all of the wine intended for 10 people on Christmas day? (and that's from someone who can knock back the booze when I'm not pregnant!!).

As you have already asked your guests to pay I guess there is no going back. But if anyone turns up without offering you any payment I think you should just accept it graciously and not hold a grudge...but perhaps give them a pair of rubber gloves when it comes to washing up time.

QuintessentialShadows · 14/12/2009 13:26

I think the best way to wriggle out of this is to write an email, and say something along the lines of.

"Dear Family,
I realize now that my idea of charging for Christmas dinner was not very good. I initially thought it was a good idea because not all of you brought what you were meant to bring last year, and I thought I would relieve you all of the stress of bringing something by doing it all myself. Needless to say, I cant afford to pay for everything myself, and I thought that £25 would cover food and booze beautifully.

I am still very keen to host Christmas, and will provide the turkey and ham.
Could you all provide the rest?

Bess & Tim: Pudding + wine
Tina & Charlie: Roast Potatoes + wine
Emily & Bryan: Veg + wine
Tanya & Bob: Crackers, chocks and snacks + wine
Stella & Finn: Beer, cognac + wine

And we should all be covered."

Clearly I am shying away from my work.....

myalias · 14/12/2009 13:26

Is it a sale or return on the wine?

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