To charge for Christmas lunch?

[katie3677]

My parents are away this Christmas and as we are housesitting for them we will for once have space to have all of DH's family over for Christmas lunch (10 adults, 7 kids), so have all been invited. Last year DSIL did Christmas lunch at her house and I helped. We were all tasked with bringing something, and whilst she did the main course, I did starter and Christmas pudding and brought champagne (well, prosecco actually) for Champagne cocktails. DBIL's girlfriend was tasked with bringing wine, but rang me at midday on Christmas day to say could I bring wine as she had drunk it all the night before. She promised to pay me for it but never did.
As a result, I have decided this year that instead of divvying up jobs etc, (which didn't work out fairly at all last year) that I will charge each adult £25 towards the cost, no charge for the kids, and I will do all the shopping, cooking and preparing, so all they have to do on the day is turn up, eat and drink. I thought this was quite a kindness, but DBIL's girlfriend has taken issue with this and I am struggling to get themoney off most of them up front.
We are by no means rich and it would cost me a fortune to do Christmas lunch for this amount of people, so I thought this was the fairest way. AIBU to think that this is fair?

I think YANBU for having the idea but YABU for announcing it after the invitaition was extended.

I am having IL's over and doing christmas dinner as well but we agreed right from the first discussion about it that we would save up a supermarket saving scheme and all families make the same weekly contribution and go shopping with it christmas week.

This has been a good solution and I have final say on what is bought as I am cooking but we have all contributed.

I wouldnt be at all happy at being charged £25 for christmas lunch - is there a profit margin in this - it seems rather a lot. I think it completely ruins the whole spirit of christmas. much better to ask people to bring a bottle or dessert, or a cheese platter.

Sorry, have only read OP. I was considering asking family to contribute (which is basically a PR's way of saying 'I'm going to charge you')...but then I thought about it from their perspective and swiftly decided it was an abominable idea. So I've asked them to bring stuff instead and we'll just swallow the cost.

YABU

There have been times when I have invited my family over for a sunday roast and then though oh F I dont think I can afford it.... but theyre my family! A quick whisper in my mums ear and my sister brings the veg and wine.... my mums on pudding duty and all I have to worry about is the meat and spuds.

Maybe its because we are very close... I think if I ever suggested charging my family for christmas dinner they would fall about laughing and assume it was a joke.
I think your family are very rude in the sense of turning up without things when they have aagreed to bring them. I wouldnt go anyhere with out a token gift and if I had been specificly asked to bring something then i would.

Just seems a shame that you havent really communicated yourself very well. If you had said in the first place that actually having thought about it your unsure you can really afford it Im sure everyone would have willing said "oh we can bring X"

WE arent even having christmas dinner this year. We are having a buffet.... everyone is bringing a few dishes and we going to get drunk! Last year food wasnt served untill 4om and the kids were starving so hopefully this will solve the problem and allow them to play with the prezzies.... then on boxing day we are going out to our faveourate resteraunt for an actual christmas dinner, but even that isnt costing £25pp and the kids are free too. Its not a cheap place either.

Hmm if you'd said £10 per person I'd probably have gone iffy but ok then. But £25 is excessive. They might aswell double that money and go out to a restaurant which would be better quality.

Just tell people what to bring.

I think that the poster is getting a really hard time!

It will cost a fortune for her to provide food and this amount of booze for ten adults. Surely the family must realise this especially as last year her SIl requested that they all bring something.

I am amazed that people think it is ok to spend christmas day with family but not make any kind of contribution at all -monetary or food wise to the host. This is all she is trying to do - get a contribution. I think though she may have gone about it the wrong way although she thought she was doing the fairest thing asking for money instead and wanted to check with everyone.

As for the cost being 25 pound, I don't think it is THAT high especially if there will be food all day and as much booze as you can drink!

THAT SAID, Katie, Personally I do understand that people may have taken umbrage at being invited and then asked for 25 quid. It would have been better perhaps if rather than doing it this way, you had told everyone that you would be happy for everyone to come to you and for you to cook, however you can't really afford to foot the cost for all the food and drink for that many so would people be able to give some kind of contribution in what every from they want. I really, really don't think this is an unreasonable request and if people don't like it then they can easily opt out.

Perhaps you can send out an email saying something to this effect saying you didn't meant to offend people and you are more than happy to cook and host the meal but have realised that cost is quite high for you manage yourself so if family would like to come along could they bring booze/food or if they prefer make a monetary contribution.

If I got that email from Marney I'd tell her where to stick her turnips and serving spoons.

I think you should charge them but make sure you do a good disco as well...

£25 is far too much. You could go out and eat in a restaurant for that.

Alarmbellsring - yours is an entirely different situation, your friends offered and so I don't think it's rude to accept.

It's £50 to eat in a restaurant here but if I was going to pay £25, I'd pay £50 and go out.

Thingiebob- people could help out, bring things and make contributions if they wanted. I'd bring booze and puds if it was me.

Going against the tide here, but we are going to DH's brother (there will be 20 round the table ), and have given then £100 towards it.

Think about it - for 20 people! We will be there for over 12 hours...
Soft drinks - juice, lemonade, coke etc
Champagne/red/white/brandy, evening drinks
Nibbles, crisps, nuts etc
Starter - smoked salmon for 20, leaves, bread, butter
Main course - vast turkey, ham, roast pots, carrots, cauli cheese, peas, beans, red cabbage and apple, home-made bread sauce, cranberry sauce, gravy
Pudding - Xmas pub, cream, custard, brandy butter, ice cream
Xmas cake and stilton
Cheese board, crackers/digestives etc
Mints
Plus crackers to pull of course!

£25 a head is pretty good imo.

If I went for Xmas day and hadn't contributed, or just bought a couple of bottles of wine, I would feel really

It isn't just the cost of the turkey - there are loads of incidentals that really mount up.

If you want to do a proper Xmas meal, and enable the whole family to get together, then asking for a financial contribution makes perfect sense.

It HAS to be handled delicately though (and not as an after thought) - ie 'we were thinking of hosting Xmas for everyone this year. If so, it would make sense to share the cost - we were thinking about x amount. Let us know what you think...'

It is tricky OP, but YANBU

are you SERIOUS?? really?? look, if you cant afford it - dont do it, i wouldnt DREAM of charging family members to come to lunch, however i would probably ask if they could bring a bottle

well I don't think it's that bad.... the way you've phrased it maybe, but Christmas is usually an enforced family number and it can easily cost £250 for food. Why should Katie pay for it all?
Christ the turkey is around £80 from the butchers.. and £25 a head including wine is Cheap! unless you're eating a value, xmas ready meal with blue nun, in which case stay at home and eat your own cheap food!
Luckily I've never had to ask for money as neither my parents nor my parents in law would dream of coming for Xmas day without contributing. Neither would I!

Hang on a second, some people have made assumptions. I DID tell them up front that I was happy to host Christmas, but that it would be fair if everyone contributed, exact wording of invitation:

As we are going to be house sitting at xxx we might actually be able to fit you all in for Christmas for once, so the deal is that I will cook and organise if every adult puts in £25 to pay for food and booze. This means that it is fair for everyone, and I have to do the hard work.

This invitation was sent out in October, so they've all had plenty of time to think about, ALL of them accepted my invitation, it'sonly now that they are being difficult about paying up.

I have also told them all that they should let me know of any special requests for food/ booze so that I can accomodate.

The food will be bloody fantastic, I am cordon bleu trained so know what I am doing with food, and also work within the food industry (in a different capacity to cooking) so everything will be of the best quality, definitely no Aunt Bessies.

I don't think £25 per adult is unreasonable, I have already spent £70 on the turkey and ham, another £30 on smoked salmon, so allowing another £50 for sundries - veggies, sauces, crackers etc and then £150 on booze, that is what I estimate it will cost. DH and I are also obviously putting in our sahre and if we go over budget will cover that. If there is anything left over, Iwill divideit up between them all.

They know I am not tight, am actually very generous, but I have 2 kids and would rather be able to spend money on them at Christmas, than be seriously out of pocket and not be able to afford something decent for them.

Last year we had, 9 adults, 5 children for boxing day, came to about £90 but that was for a buffet only.

I wont be having anyone this year because we are skint

Hmm - we're hosting Christmas this year and dp is just about to lose her job (works at Borders), so we've asked everyone that comes to bring a bottle and my Aunty's in charge of sauces (bread, cranberry, onion) and my Mum's in charge of the trifle and dp's Mum and Dad are bringing their own veggie nut roast. My brother's bringing some beer and soft drinks.

This leaves us to do the main meal and other various nibbles but all in all everything sorted, everyone feels involved and the cost is spread without "charging" as such.

Well, no offence then, but you shouldn't of offered to host christmas if that is how you feel.

But where does it end?
Will people expect to be charged when coming over for sunday lunch, bed and board for overnight visitors, friends charged £1.50 for popping round for a coffee?
If it is your house, IMHO then you should bear the brunt of the cost/time involved (although I do think others should bring wine/pudding). And just make sure someone is hosting Xmas next year.

I am so glad I don't have you lot as family - how disgusting that rather than contribute towards a meal, you would rather take advantage of a FAMILY member's goodwill and let them do ALL the work and pay for ALL of it to boot. We have a large family and whenever we have all been together in the past, all adults have contributed towards the cost. 17 is a lot to cater for for the whole day and then the cleaning after....not to mention the booze bill. I think the OP has been unfairly judged. IMO the lot of you who call her 'mean' are exactly that yourselves. Mean freeloaders!

Rant over, OP, it would probably have been easier on yourself, as some have mentioned already, if you'd made it clear from the outset that people would need to contribute financially. Personally, I would tell those who don't want to pay up to find some other mug and have a merry Christmas!

You have to be kidding?

If you want to invite people then you have to risk bearing the cost. If you can't afford that don't to host. It would be rude for someone to show up empty handed but it is even ruder to request payment.

As an aside I am sure it does cost 25 per head (I had 13 adults and 4 children for christmas last year and I spent 300 on food, fortunately for me my sis spent about the same on alcohol) but you just cannot ask for money. Wrong wrong wrong.

ooops, just read OP saying she did make it clear upfront. In that case people don't have to come if they don't like it.....and shame on you lot who would actually stop speaking to a family member if they did this. I mean, like there aren't more important things going on in life! to get so offended so easily.....

What are you going to do if they haven't paid up? not let them in?

And...DH is totally on board with this. Parents are happy for in-laws to come round - ish. I do want to spend Christmas with them, we have a great laugh when we're all together and the kids get on brilliantly, but I'm not willing to bankrupt myself over it, and they will all be drinking as they've booked taxis, plus we had agreed no presents this year, but I have bought each of the kids a present from Father Christmas to open at around £10 each, which I am paying for, so no I'm not tight.