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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset by this?

199 replies

mrsbean78 · 13/12/2009 13:49

I suspect that this may be my last thread on mumsnet, as I think I am going up against a regular.

I posted this thread today:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/breast_and_bottle_feeding/877382-Slow-to-gain-wt-baby-panicky-mi dwife?msgid=17836631

I cannot believe that someone would interpret my panic as a reason to suggest, in order, that my 12 day old first born might have a metabolic disorder or have something so serious wrong with them that it might affect their survival.

When I said I wanted to know what the concerns would be, I meant from MY health professionals. I appreciate this might not have been clear.

I appreciate my second post might have been misread but I am very upset and worried about my baby and I really think that the use of sceptical faces was really unwarranted.

As it is, my baby did not gain weight today.. although the midwife was not concerned and will just review it.

Now I have to worry at the back of my mind that my baby might have something that makes him 'just survive' instead of grow..

And people saying I just wanted a pat on the head.. that is so lacking in compassion! I am in floods of tears as I write this..sbsolute floods of tears.. but I guess the important thing here is that I was 'rude' or not considered in my response to someone else (which I actually tried to be, though I was angry..).

I am so, so, so upset and worried. I wish to God I had never posted..

OP posts:
QueenOfFlamingEverything · 13/12/2009 13:52

Yes of course YABU, and rude, and out of order to start a whole new thread about it.

If you only want advice from your own HCPs then why on earth post on mumsnet?

GetDownYouWillFall · 13/12/2009 13:53

I never saw the original post but I can see from this one how upset you are.

The trouble with MN is that sometimes people can be insensitive and hurtful - that is the nature of being anonymous. However, the vast majority are kind and supportive.

I think sometimes you just have to turn off your computer and focus on the things that really matter.

HUGS

QueenOfFlamingEverything · 13/12/2009 13:54

And the use of a sceptical face is hardly unprecedented on MN. gets used to mean 'puzzled' as much as sceptical.

TBH I think right now you need to step back from the computer, have a drink, and concentrate on you and your baby.

ladyofshallots · 13/12/2009 13:55

Haven't seen the thread, but YANBU. You have only recently given birth and will be feeling emotionally fragile anyway. Sometimes people are unnecessarily harsh. What is wrong with posting for reassurance?

Weegle · 13/12/2009 13:57

YABU - but are worried and hormonal so try to let it go...

have a break from MN, enjoy you baby, make a cuppa abd re-read it in a few days - you've got the wrong end of the stick...

immortalbeloved · 13/12/2009 13:58

I think YABU. And rude.

Maybe stepping away from forums would be a good thing if you ask questions but get upset when people answer them.

GetDownYouWillFall · 13/12/2009 13:59

immortal - lay off her that is not helpful
We all know what it feels like to be post natal

diddl · 13/12/2009 14:00

Of course YABU-you should be asking your MW what her concerns are!

themildmanneredjanitor · 13/12/2009 14:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GhoulsAreLoud · 13/12/2009 14:02

BU.

Totally.

And I've been where you are and TikTok was a great support.

Don't take your anger out on her.

ladyofshallots · 13/12/2009 14:02

Although, having read the thread, I think people were only trying to help. I think you are probably very anxious and your hormones are all over the place, so I do sympathise.

Original poster
mrsbean78 · 13/12/2009 14:04

I am unhinged. Tiktok said that maybe my baby might have something causing him to just 'survive' instead of grow. Do you have any idea how that absolutely just tore out the inside of me? Honestly? Why would anyone suggest my baby might DIE?

OP posts:
QueenOfFlamingEverything · 13/12/2009 14:06

Nobody except you has mentioned dying.

I think you need to step back, as I said on the other thread. This is doing you no good at all.

You need some RL support.

immortalbeloved · 13/12/2009 14:06

Erm but getdown, you didn't even read the thread? Sorry I'm not trying to have a go at you, you seem lovely and very compassionate (and I'm really not trying to be patronising there believe me) but being post natal doesn't mean you get to just be rude and generally unpleasant does it?

And what I said about stepping away probably would help if she is so worked up about people giving advice when asked

purepurple · 13/12/2009 14:07

Well, you did ask the question. Tiktok was only answering it.
I hope your baby is ok but really this is all a bit OTT isn't it?

GhoulsAreLoud · 13/12/2009 14:07

She didn't say your baby was going to die.

She ran through some possible explanations for his poor weight gain.

I know how upsetting this is, but this isn't helping. Is there someone there who you can sit down and talk this all through with - not a HCP - just a friend or a partner?

GetDownYouWillFall · 13/12/2009 14:07

Mrs Bean. Please for your on sanity. Turn off your computer. As others have said make yourself a cuppa. Do something you find relaxing. Please. You are getting in a right old state over this and it's not helping you.

please?

potoftea · 13/12/2009 14:08

I just read your original thread now, and as someone who hasn't ever had need to post, or read, feeding threads, and so don't know the poster you had the issue with, I do think you were rude to her.

She answered you question about what a health professional is thinking when they talk about concerns about losing weight very clearly. She did not suggest that any of these was an issue with your dc, but you seemed to want to know what could potentially be the problem if this went on.

I do understand how stressful you are finding this issue, but I think you owe the poster in question an apology.

Hope all will soon improve with your baby.

GetDownYouWillFall · 13/12/2009 14:08

on own

Missus84 · 13/12/2009 14:09

YABU - you are obviously upset though.

Tiktok did not diagnose your baby with anything. All she did was outline possible concerns HCP might have about a baby losing weight. In response to your question. I don't know you or tiktok from adam, so this is nothing to do with popularity.

Take a step back and calm down. It will probably look clearer when you come back to it.

themildmanneredjanitor · 13/12/2009 14:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Morloth · 13/12/2009 14:10

I read the original thread and think you are overreacting quite a lot to what was written, even more than would be "normal" for someone who has recently given birth.

I think you should consider maybe talking to your HV/GP about how you are feeling.

Of course you are worried, babies freak you out.

izzybiz · 13/12/2009 14:10

I think you are the one thats has misunderstood TikToks post Im afraid.
I have just read through the other thread, she in no way suggested your baby might die.

You asked what "concerns" there may be, she listed some. Some that the health proffesionals may be concerned about.

I understand your worries, you have a very new baby, are still very hormonal,don't feel yoou need to leave. Like someone else said, talk to your doctor about your worries,enjoy your new baby, I'm sure everythings fine.

AgentZigzagDoingAYuleLog · 13/12/2009 14:11

If you are stressed and taking things to heart a bit, it's perhaps not a good idea to come over to AIBU which is a bit notorious for it's occasional viciousness.

It's easy to misread how other people are writing when you only have the text they decide to use, but I'm sure the other poster wouldn't have taken the time to talk to you if she was having a go, she sounds like a regular on that board and was honestly just trying to help.

almostreal · 13/12/2009 14:11

YANBU This is what I hate about this forum so many so called "experts' giving out advice when they have no business to do so. To imply that a baby might just be surviving is disgusting when the poster has neither seen the baby in person or has a medical degree.