to be upset by this?

[mrsbean78]

I suspect that this may be my last thread on mumsnet, as I think I am going up against a regular.

I posted this thread today:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/breast_and_bottle_feeding/877382-Slow-to-gain-wt-baby-panicky-mi dwife?msgid=17836631

I cannot believe that someone would interpret my panic as a reason to suggest, in order, that my 12 day old first born might have a metabolic disorder or have something so serious wrong with them that it might affect their survival.

When I said I wanted to know what the concerns would be, I meant from MY health professionals. I appreciate this might not have been clear.

I appreciate my second post might have been misread but I am very upset and worried about my baby and I really think that the use of sceptical faces was really unwarranted.

As it is, my baby did not gain weight today.. although the midwife was not concerned and will just review it.

Now I have to worry at the back of my mind that my baby might have something that makes him 'just survive' instead of grow..

And people saying I just wanted a pat on the head.. that is so lacking in compassion! I am in floods of tears as I write this..sbsolute floods of tears.. but I guess the important thing here is that I was 'rude' or not considered in my response to someone else (which I actually tried to be, though I was angry..).

I am so, so, so upset and worried. I wish to God I had never posted..

OP - Hope your baby starts piling it on and that you are feeling better about everything asap. Congratulations on your new baby

TikTok - I really admire you for still being here and still writing calm, helpful posts. I don't just mean relating to this particular OP, this is not the 1st, 2nd or even 3rd time I have sat at my computer marvelling at the way you continually fail to throw your toys out of the pram and flounce. Well done, and thank you because MN is a better place with your advice.

I am sorry, but is this for real, or is this a wind up to create another negative Mumsnet story? The OP has posted 14 long, eloquent and well-written posts on this and the other thread in the last seven hours, each of which would have taken me at least 10 or 15 minutes to write, some much longer (this post has taken me 30 minutes and she has posted several this length or longer). So I would estimate her posts represent a minimum 1.5-2 hours work today in a 7 hour period. Yet she says that at the same time "I have been feeding every 1.5 hours for 40-50 mins and expressing for 20 inbetween and then feeding him the expressed stuff". So that must be using up 1 1/4 hours every 1 1/2 hours.

When I had a 12 day old baby all I could manage was to feed him, change his nappies and occasionally get to the loo. If I managed a shower during the day it was a miracle. Are new mothers these days so much better organised than I was that they can write columns-length of posts on the internet as well as coping with a newborn?

OP, I am sorry for doubting you, so to make up here is my advice, having bf 3 dcs and having had one who lost a lot of weight and was very slow to regain it. Luckily he was no. 3 so it was much easier for me to handle it but I remember how much I worried, and my GP and HV were great and very reassuring.

Breastfeeding works, and it self-regulates. It sounded on your other thread that you have established breast feeding really well. Your doctor has examined your baby and said he is perfect and your midwife is not concerned. So take a deep breath, relax, snuggle with your darling boy, smell his skin, stroke his face, tell him how much you love him. Stop expressing - breastfeeding works and you don't need a machine and a syringe coming between you and your darling boy. Savour the time between feeds to watch him sleep, eat something yourself and maybe have a nice hot bath. The miracle of breastfeeding is that it just works, you and your baby together in harmony, and it is best to block out external influences and stresses and just enjoy the magicness of it. You sound like you have lost trust in yourself and the wonderfulness of your own body, which grew this gorgeous boy and will now feed him. It's great you have the back up of getting him checked just in case you are one of those unlucky people where bf doesnt totally work, but in the meantime, reassure yourself that you have no reason to think that is the case, your health professionals are not concerned and you have all the help you need.

Treat yourself with care and gentleness - you are only 12 days post-partum. In fact, if I were you, I would probably head to bed with a TV to watch the final of X-factor and enjoy my darling boy.

Awww i am sorry mrsbean, some people can be hurtful and insensitive, queenofflaming dont be so harsh put yourself in the ops shoes. Sometimes it is not always good to post on mumsnet as you do get posts like that, you could try your GP or HV as they know you and your baby more than us who are not always health professions though some are on here.

I dont know what was said by Tiktok is always on hand with great advice.

Lot of advice from people telling you to get off mn but I second chillo. Don't stay away.

sorry meant to be but not by, my typing is today. i wish that i had a reallife tiktok on hand sigh

Mrsbean, You are a mum now, so you are going to get lots of conflicting advice. I don't have tiktoks knowledge, or qualifications, every thread I have seen her on she has been the poster with the best info. I am however imo an experienced breastfeeding mum, I've currently dual feeding and have in total been breastfeeding for 55 months.

In my opinion you need to stop pumping.

Your GP sounds like the most sensible health professional you have seen in RL. She has told you not to. From the sound of the no of wet nappies you are getting etc nothing drastic is going to happen to your baby before your gps opens tommorow morning and you can go and see her again for reassurance.

If you trash your nipples and make yourself sore, then you are not helping your baby because imo your latch will suffer.

You are also making yourself miserable and this is not helping, your stress levels in your opinion are not helping your supply.

Take stock, Be Sensible. Your baby has an excellent latch and a good suck according to your GP. I have no qualified right to give this advice other than my own experience and I suspect some people who would post are a little unsure whether to or not be I'm going on a limb.

and saying.

Ditch your pump!

Mrs Bean, you need to get off the internet. I am not sure how you can be managing to feed and express as much as you are and type all thee messages in between. However, you cannot be anything but exhausted by all this and it will help neither your general health or your state of mind with regards to your baby's health. Instead of typing messages on here, please take the time to rest. With the amount of feeding you are doing, you need to use all other available time to just sleep and eat good food. Btw, where is your partner in all this?

sorry about the mistypes in my post but i was trying to type fast..

MrsBean I replied to your original post because my DS had the same problem when he was a baby, I hope your little one starts putting on weight soon, it's very hard to take other peoples advice when your a new mum and your so worried about your baby, you can take things the wrong way.

please can we get both these threads deleted mrsb, you're getting more wrist slappings which you could do without at the moment (not to mention troll spotters!!), and tiktok's getting the odd nasty comment which she does not deserve in the slightest.
Glad your baby has stopped losing weight, hope he starts gaining soon, and everything is OK.

Stealth I hope you don't think i was being negative to tiktok, in my post, she has my respect . I agree with you about getting these wiped, I'm just a bit worried about the op needing some helpful input.

I'm concerned that if she carries on pumping and feeding as she is she is going to exhaust herself. She has come on here for help and its all gone wrong in the interim, but she still needs help and support by the sound of her last post.

Agree with Stealth, and good luck OP

BackUp (thanks for the reminder btw, I'll get DH on to it tomorrow ) I don't know who it was (it certainly wasn't your most recent post, not sure if you have any previous) but I've seen a couple of comments on this thread that I just thought were unfair.
Good point about then leaving the OP with no support, although she isn't getting much on either thread.
OP, seriously, please start a new thread asking for support and encouragement getting the answers you need. You'll get loads of support.

Stealth, there are many unpleasant comments about many posters all over mumsnet that many people think are unfair.

Though it would be nice for MrsB if these disappeared. She seems to be having a right old time.

My ds has got a metabolic disorder. He had it at 12 days and he still has it. Best to have the info than not imo.

Its awful in the beginning. It will pass.

Oh I will support you mildmannered, a couple of bottles of formula will not ruin months of breastfeeding and may stop the OP having a breakdown. I did it too and successfully fed mine breast milk exclusivelly after that for several months. Plus it can help you to continue bf rather than give up altogether.

tmmj I was thinking the same!

I know where you are all coming from and as I have said on another thread ff isn't the devils own brew. I just think that the op after all her hard work probably doesn't need to resort to it at this stage. I think she needs to stop pumping and just feed her baby normally and get some rest.

I agree ff is an option but could cause more problems in the long run.

mrsbean - thankfully I have read the whole post including your apology to tiktok. she is a very experience care provider who is an invaluable source of information/reassurance on the breast/bottle feeding section.

I think that as well as having your baby checked, I think that maybe you yourself need to talk to your HV about your own fears and concerns.

MrsBean - I had problems feeding all three of my dses - to the extent with ds2 that the health visitor was coming daily or every two days to weigh him and see if he'd gained anything. She even told me that she had to think of the baby's best interest when I told her that I was committed to making breastfeeding work that time (it hadn't with ds1)!!

In the end, he was admitted to hospital with a chest infection, and I heard the staff talking about him as 'Failing to Thrive', which devastated me. I had to introduce formula, and he started to gain weight at once, and unfortunately I didn't manage to carry on breastfeeding.

With ds3, I decided to mixed-feed from the word 'go'. He was fully breastfed during the day, and had two bottles at night - last thing, and when he woke during the night. As long as I carried on with this regime, he gained weight fine, and I was happy that he was getting the majority of his nutrition from me.

All three of my sons are now strapping healthy lads, full of energy, bright, intelligent, funny, stroppy, argumentative, untidy, loving, disorganised - in fact everything a teenage boy should be (though ds3 isn't technically a teenager yet - but he's definitely a wannabe teen!).

Yes, I had to give them formula - but I thank heaven I live in a time and a country where decent, safe formula is available to me, and once they started to wean, I did all I could to make sure their diet was healthy and interesting, with lots of home made food. They all love their food now, and will eat all sorts of interesting things (and rubbish too - another teenage trait).

mrsbean, I am not qualified to offer feeding advice, just a mum who has been there and done that. But this regime of endless feeding and pumping sounds exactly like the one my sister's midwives insisted on. She ended up completely FF within days. She was exhausted, emotional, stressed beyond belief... I'd hate to see anyone else going through that.

Follow Tiktok's advice, she knows far more about this than me, but I'd be very reluctant to follow your midwives' regime ? it clearly isn't working and is just upsetting you.

I agree with edam on this one.

Are you still with us op?

mrsbean if you read my answer in your original thread, I had to go to FF because my DS was losing weight drastically, it took a while for him to start gaining weight it was a very slow process and my health visitor recommended SMA White and DS began to thrive. Please don't make yourself anymore stressed than you need to with the BF, sometimes you have to admit defeat for your own sanity. My DS is now 10 and while he is still very skinny he is healthy and well and very active, please stop worrying and making yourself ill over it.