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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to kill my mother .........................

84 replies

mosschops30 · 01/12/2009 12:25

am sitting here now crying ds is 5 days old and yesterday we decided on his name, txt everyone and of course everyone txt back apart from my mum and i was a bit
this morning she sent flowers and teddy, no rference to name just 'baby boy'
so i called to say thanks and she said 'hmm unusual name' and i said 'i was wondering when you'd txt' and she said 'i felt i needed time to get used to it'.

Im so upset, some of you may know from previous threads how demandingand selfish she is, yesterday she rung me to ask advice on buying a winter coat for herself and now this, im sobbing to dh as i type. Along with comments like 'ive never heard anyone call their little boy that' and 'i'll just keep saying it to myself to get used to it'

OP posts:
PfftTheMagicDragon · 01/12/2009 12:28

oh mosschops

Just what you need after the birth you have had!

YANBU, she is being awful. You have chosen a lovely name, and it's not even that unusual, what is she going on about!?

HumphreyCobbler · 01/12/2009 12:29

how sad that she can't just be pleased for you

I am sorry you are so upset, it should be such a happy time for you. The thing is, EVERYTHING will be more emotional for you right now, so hurtful behavior is even worse.

Is there any hope that having a rant on here will make you feel better and more able to ignore her?

Congratulations on your ds. I'm sure his name is lovely.

TheWorldFamousKewcumber · 01/12/2009 12:31

congratulations - sorry your mother is being an arse.

MmeLindt · 01/12/2009 12:33

Oh, I had missed your birth announcement. Just read it.

First, massive congratulations and I LOVE the name. It is beautiful.

Perhaps you should try to keep your distance from your mum for a couple of weeks until you feel stronger.

I had an emergency CS and I know how hard it was to cope the first couple of weeks. The last thing you need is your mum stressing you out.

PS if you want to chat about the birth, let me know. It took me a long time to get over it and I wish that I had had MN back then.

Rhubarb · 01/12/2009 12:34

Oh mosschops, don't let her ruin it for you. She sounds as though she'll never be happy with the choices you make. Perhaps she wants to remain in control of your life in whatever way?

This is YOUR baby, not hers. She chose names for all of you without interference did she not? It might be worth asking her where she got your names from. What would she have said if her own mother had interfered in this way? Many old mums forget what it was like when they had their own children.

Stop trying to please her. Once you accept that she's going to be cranky no matter what you choose, you'll feel a whole lot better. She will get used to it, she'll have to, and she'll come to love the name as much as she loves your son.

Don't let her ruin your moment. Delight in your son and his name. And if she doesn't like it that makes it better, because it reinforces the fact that he's YOUR son, not hers.

And tell her that her winter coat is unusual and you'll need time to get used to it

Rhubarb · 01/12/2009 12:35

(good Biblical name btw! )

twolittlemonkeys · 01/12/2009 12:39

I think it's a gorgeous name. I'm sorry your mother is being so awkward and selfish. She's had her chance to name children now it's your turn, totally agree with Rhubarb

Alambil · 01/12/2009 12:39

I love his name... it's fabulous

She's just being mardy because the attention is not on her... ignore her entirely.

GoldenSnitch · 01/12/2009 12:39

I was very upset when DH's mate used your name for his son....because I wanted it! It's beautiful

I had a disastrous failed induction ending in an EMCS with my DS too, you have my sympathies. I also got an infection in my wound. Here to talk if you need to....

I must have gotten over it - I'm due to do it all again in 3 weeks!!!

Original poster
mosschops30 · 01/12/2009 12:40

rhubarb you made me and dh lol with the coat comment so much my scar hurts.

and for those of you wondering what weird and wonderful names we chose its Noah James.

yes ranting on mn always makes me feel better, i will ignore her today!

thanks mmelindt i might take you up on that, i spoke to mw today about debriefing and she was good and told me what to do. am gonna write it all down first

OP posts:
sweetkitty · 01/12/2009 12:45

Oh mosschops do not allow her to upset you like this, his name is lovely.

I think names are so personal that everyone has a favourite and doesn't like certain names.

FWIW my Mum was the same with DD2's name, when I rang her to tell her she had been born and what her name was, her first reaction was "WHERE did you get THAT from?! so I said "the bible" well I have never heard of it, I am going to have to write it down as I will forget it and EVERYONE will ask me how to spell it, it's 5 letters BTW.

MIL said "well as long as she is healthy" although to her credit she did say that she liked the name and it really did suit DD2.

He's your baby and it's the name you both chose.

stellamel · 01/12/2009 12:45

It's a gorgeous name!

Your mum sounds a bit like my mum! When I thought we were having a girl I told her that I wanted to call her Dylan - she went mental, we had a massive row, with her saying she'd refuse to use the name and would make something up she liked . Then she didn't talk to me for over a week (and we have a good relationship normally!). Fortunately the scan showed we're having a boy, so that problem is gone, and I refuse to discuss boys names with her

Sorry you're having to go through this (I read your traumatic birth story). Just ignore her, she is being ridiculous, and will eventually come round. Mum's have a knack for raining on their daughters parade.

Don't let her spoil your precious first days with Noah xxx

SerenityNowAKABleh · 01/12/2009 12:48

What?! Is she crazy? That's a wonderful name. And not unusual; has she been living in a cave/with wolves? That is the only valid excuse for thinking it's unusual. Though, I think killing her might be a bit extreme.

nickelbabe · 01/12/2009 12:50

that's not even an unusual name! what's she on about?

It's a name as old as the hills: it's not weird, unusual or modern!

It's a lovely name. You can buy him all sorts of animals

ignore her, it just sounds like she wants to kick up a fuss about something.

poor you.

SnotBaby · 01/12/2009 12:54

You poor thing, you have really been through it and now you are struggling to enjoy the lovely name you have chosen due to your Mun's fuckwittery.

You are probably so tired, hormonal, sore and anxious that you are wondering how to make sense of it all (and your Mum should appreciate this). It's clear to me that she is being horrible when you are vulnerable. I'm so sorry.

She sounds about as supportive as a size 8 thong with a poostripe on it.
Now, snuggle up with your lovely son and DH, turn your phones off, and let her stew - she's a grown woman, she can look after herself.

Earthymama · 01/12/2009 12:55

Noah is a gorgeous name, your mother is being unkind. Some mothers seem to hate their children having a life. DP's mother is exactly the same, none of her chilren speak to her.

I try the unconditional love approach myself with my two children, I think 'it's their lives, their choices'.

Just think, 'Mother, You are an odd woman, I will love you, but I don't like what you do.'

Then give the lovely Noah a cwtch and thank your mother for the lessons she has given you in how not to parent. (And have something lovely to eat, or watch some guilt-inducing rubbish on TV, or dig out a fave book ; whatever gives you comfort.

Blessings to all EM

shootfromthehip · 01/12/2009 12:57

Oh mosschops- it's a gorgeous name! Your Mum, for example, is a twat! Oh and so is mine as she came to visit when DS was less than 12hrs old and told me she 'hated' the name we had given him. And ours is on a very similar theme to yours... think whales!

Keep your chin up- you have a wonderful wee person to get to know so forget about snippy opinions from other people.

Take care x

Lotsofchooks · 01/12/2009 12:58

Beautiful name - congratulations on your new bundle of joy.....ignore your Mum and enjoy your new addition.

hannahsaunt · 01/12/2009 12:59

Gosh, I was holding out for Obadiah or something until I got further down. Noah is a lovely name and I know some lovely people called it.

FWIW mums can be rubbish when it comes to the whole baby naming thing. When we told my parents ds1 (first grandchild on both sides, rubbish pregnancy involving much hospitalisation) name all my mum said was well his second name is nice...

Can't win! I hope you have a lovely time with him, mother notwithstanding.

JustAnotherManicMummy · 01/12/2009 13:01

Don't let her get to you. It's her problem, not yours. She sounds like my mum - utterly tactless.

My mother had very strong opinions on everything DS's name. DH and I just ignored her and did what we wanted.

Although DH does have to almost physically restrain me when she calls DS, who's name is Joe, "Jo-Jo". That makes me want to kill her.

Congratulations to you for the safe arrival of Noah

SnotBaby · 01/12/2009 13:01

Perhaps you should make her a badge for Christmas with "HELLO MY NAME IS NOAH'S GRANNY" written on it, to help her come to terms? About 20cm diameter should do it.

Will look lovely on her new coat!

Santacentric · 01/12/2009 13:03

Congratulations on your baby, and what a lovely name! One of my favourites, actually...

If she keeps on about it give her a lofty look and tell her "oh, we thought it was a good idea, what with global warming and all that" That should confuse her, at least!!!!!!!!

Seriously. Enjoy the moment. And ignore anything that disturbs it!

glastocat · 01/12/2009 13:03

Its a gorgeous name. My SIL had a baby last week and I suggested she call it Noah (we've had terrible floods here in Ireland). She chose something else though.

sunshiney · 01/12/2009 13:08

grrrrr.....mothers! when my dd was born, my mother came out with 'sounds like a jazz singer' about her name. fortunately dh and i just laughed and said 'good' when we heard, although i don't think she meant it to be a good thing.
even now she calls her 'the baby' even though she over 2.

I love the name Noah, enjoy it don't let it be spoilt for you.

Poledra · 01/12/2009 13:08

Ooooh, mosschops, I'd missed your birth announcement - sorry it went so awry (had emergency section under general for DD1, so have some understanding of what you're going through). I am freqeutnly to be found on here singing teh praises of having a debrief to help you sort it all out in your head (where's MamaG? I need to make sure she made that phone call.....)

Glad you've got your lovely little boy, and second (third, fourth, whatever) what everyone else is saying - it's a lovely, old, Biblical name and it's none of your mother's business what you and DH called your son!

Be kind to yourself, have lots of rest snuggling the baby. I have only one complaint - Where Are the Photos??