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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to kill my mother .........................

84 replies

mosschops30 · 01/12/2009 12:25

am sitting here now crying ds is 5 days old and yesterday we decided on his name, txt everyone and of course everyone txt back apart from my mum and i was a bit
this morning she sent flowers and teddy, no rference to name just 'baby boy'
so i called to say thanks and she said 'hmm unusual name' and i said 'i was wondering when you'd txt' and she said 'i felt i needed time to get used to it'.

Im so upset, some of you may know from previous threads how demandingand selfish she is, yesterday she rung me to ask advice on buying a winter coat for herself and now this, im sobbing to dh as i type. Along with comments like 'ive never heard anyone call their little boy that' and 'i'll just keep saying it to myself to get used to it'

OP posts:
Poledra · 01/12/2009 13:09

Oh feck, please ignore the many spelling mistakes in my post (am meant to be working )

Tillyscoutsmum · 01/12/2009 13:10

Mosschops - ignore ignore ignore. I know its difficult (especially when you're on day 5 optimum baby blues time after a difficult birth) but you know its a lovely name. She'll get used to it and if she doesn't - well, that's her tough luck isn't it ?

It just sounds like your mother resents not being centre of attention at the moment.

My darling mother walked into the hospital the day after I had dd and completely ignored her first grandchild and instead just walked over to me, prodded me in the tummy and said "are you sure there's not another one in there ?? You're just still sooooo fat" Of all the things to say to your hormonal daughter the day after giving birth .......

LetThereBeRock · 01/12/2009 13:12

Congratulations. Ignore your mother.I know it's difficult.
I love the name. It's gorgeous and will work well at any age.

Cicatrice · 01/12/2009 13:12

It's a lovely name. And really its not up to her is it?

Santacentric · 01/12/2009 13:13

Tilly!!!

MmeLindt · 01/12/2009 13:13

I love what EM wrote:

Just think, 'Mother, You are an odd woman, I will love you, but I don't like what you do.'

diddl · 01/12/2009 13:14

Oh it´s a lovely name.

My mother was also at the name we chose for her first.

Even said to a couple of people "oh I don´t know it´s something like XXXX" FFS.

Until someone said how lovely and unusual then she was boasting!

I´ts not as if we made it up!

It´s not as if you expect everyone to love the name you choose, but you do expect your own mother not to comment.

Well, I did!

Even PILs who I don´t have much time for and are as old fashioned/conservative/set in their ways as they come didn´t comment.

They were just overjoyed to have their first grandchild.

shinyrobot · 01/12/2009 13:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GetOrfMoiLand · 01/12/2009 13:17

Oh poor you, that is the last thing you need. Bloody selfish mothers. What is she thinking about talking to you about her winter coat fgs!

Noah is a beautiful name. Your mother does need to learn a bit of tact. Can she not remember what it felt like 5 days post partum? You (generally) feel like a train has hit you. What you need is support and love, not comments about your new baby's name.

Apropos of nothing, I watched Everybody Loves Raymond for the first time his weekend, I watched it mesmerised thinking 'that is JUST like my mother'.

fiveisanawfullybignumber · 01/12/2009 13:23

It's our first choice for no 5 that I'm growing atm. Great choice in my opinion!
You can choose your friends but not your family.
Maybe let her know that in your delicate post birth hormonal state, she's made you feel quite awful. But coming from such a poker faced hardnosed heathen, you'll try to understand! Or at least imagine saying that, it might make you feel a bit better.

porcamiseria · 01/12/2009 13:27

bless you! remember you cant cope with Mum when tired and baby only 5 days xxxx

My mother did the same and tried to fucking re-name my DS!!!!!! "oh we will call him James" err no you wont!

I know how you feel xx and this will pass, Mums are pains in the arse sometimes

diddl · 01/12/2009 13:30

She´ll keep saying it to herself to get used to it-that´s big of her!

FFS it´s Noah!

I´m a b!tch, but she wouldn´t be very welcome in my house to see her lovely new grandson until she was blöödy well used to the name and dämn well proud of it!

JaceyBee · 01/12/2009 13:30

It seems mum's have a bad track record where names are concerned. When dd was born I wanted to call her Zeryn, my mum was most put out and kept ringing me and trying to talk me out of it. At one point she said it sounded too much like Sarin - as in the nerve gas used in the Tokyo subway terrotrist attacks

In the end she said she would just have to try and used to it, like the martyr that she is. We called dd something else in the end, at least partly because of my mum's attitude.

Please don't let this upset you, she sounds like a selfish pita. Enjoy your beautiful Noah, great name btw.

sillysalley · 01/12/2009 13:32

My little boy is called Noah Simon and believe me, we had the same reaction from many family and friends, including my mum. Plus all the 'animals came in two by two' jokes! It was so upsetting at the time.

But they now love it and say it really suits him. Big hugs to you. I think Noah James is just lovely

libbyssister · 01/12/2009 13:47

Congratulations on Noah's arrival. Lovely name, makes me think of Noah Wyle from ER

Reading through these messages makes my mouth fall open. I never understand why mothers say such insensitive things to their daughters. My mother is exactly the same (maybe it's a generational thing?).

It took us 5 days to name DS2. It then took us another day to pluck up the courage to phone my mum and tell her. I said "We've decided on Nathan David". Silence. And then "well I like David"....

But then this is the woman who walked into my hospital room after DS1's difficult labour and her first words were "What took you so long?"

If she's anything like mine, you mum will be thinking not just about your son's name in it's own right, but how it sounds when she's telling her friends, neighbours, etc. It's selfish but everyone likes to 'own' your baby news and pass comment.

Try not to focus on her words or opinion, don't let it overshadow these precious days. Think only of yourself, your DH and your darling little boy.

JjandtheBean · 01/12/2009 13:49

i actually love his name!

YANBU ignore her and enjoy your baby!

Naetha · 01/12/2009 13:52

YANBU at all, it's a gorgeous name - love it

MadamDeathstare · 01/12/2009 13:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sb6699 · 01/12/2009 14:08

Bloody ignore her. Some folk really do open their mouths without thinking.

When we told MIL the name of DD1 her face physically shrivelled with horror.

Noah is a lovely name btw.

Partyofsixsoontobeseven · 01/12/2009 14:12

Hi Mosschops

My cousin has just had a baby boy, and when I said to my mum that we had the name they've chosen on our list she said in a disgusted voice, you didn't did you. Yes mother I take it you don't like it then. No she said. Well in that case I won't tell you the other options.

I think some older generations don't put their opinions across very well. But I have a Casey Jones as in the train driver and everyone was shocked at first but she (yes its a girl)wasn't bothered. Now though she has said she wants to change her name, probably because people say things all the time about it. I just tell her how wonderful she is and to ignore ignorant people.

Noah James is a lovely name by the way.

TheCrackFox · 01/12/2009 14:13

Noah is a lovely name - I approve.

When I was in hospital after having DS1 the very first thing my Mum said was " is a hideous name".

I could have bloody lamped her at the time. 8yrs later she loves the name.

JollyMrsChristmas · 01/12/2009 14:15

Awww MC!

My mum was the same with DDs name, in fact she was mourning another name we considered but changed. For the first few weeks she kept calling DD by the name she wanted!! And saying how much it suited her much more than what we had called her!

shivster1980 · 01/12/2009 14:19

Just wanted to add that it is an absolutely lovely name

Poledra · 01/12/2009 14:19

BTW, I cannot believe how many rude mothers there are out there. I know my mum didn't like my oldest niece's name, but now loves it. However, my DSis most definitely does not know that mum did not like it! Mum's attitude is that it is not her business what we call our children - her only comment was to ask us not to name any grandaughters after her, as she did not like her own name.

PacificMistletoeAndNoWine · 01/12/2009 14:29

mosschops, first of all congratulations on the arrival of your little boy!!

You have chosen an absolutely lovely name: cute for a little boy and cool for the man he will grow into. Unusual, but not bonkers. Trendy but not flash-in-the-pan fashion disaster. Gorgeous!

As others have said do the very best you can to ignore your mother's comments. Parents and children know how to push our emotional buttons (I've just posted about my mum..). And you are so very few days postnatal after a less than ideal delivery, you will feel particularly vulnerable.

I do hope you feel better very soon and that you are able to enjoy your son lots.
Please go and sniff his head for me