to wonder why some women 'bother' to have children???

[babiesblue]

I know a woman who had her dc around the same time I had my 1st. Our mothers are friends.
Just recently Mum has told me about meeting up with her and her Mum at some social event.
This woman spent the entire meeting explaining to my Mum about how busy she is at work, and how little time she gets to spend with her dc. Dc goes to stay with grandparents on Sunday evenings so that they can do the nursery run on Monday mornings (so that she doesn't have to get dc ready as she's getting herself ready for work - grandparents bring the child to nursery every morning also and collect in evening). Apparently (at 2yo) dc has never slept through the night, and she's exhausted. Her husbands mother, once a week, delivers a week's worth of food to her house for the child to eat.
And, since I've now had my 2nd dc, she was asking how we all were, and saying that herself and her dh were thinking about having a 2nd baby.
My point is, although I think she's very lucky having all the help from her family, I just can't help feeling that she isn't actually looking after the child she has, let alone would be able to look after a 2nd!!!
Also (now maybe you think I'm being really mean???) she works full-time - fair enough - and isn't home before dc goes to bed most nights (relies on grandparents again), so doesn't really see dc that much during the week, but at the weekends she continues to make arrangements with friends to meet up and go to the ballet, the opera, the theatre (where she saw my Mum), out for lunch or dinner, and so therefore still doesn't see her dc.

AIBU to wonder why she's planning to have another child when she hardly sees the one she has???

stop poking the bears

i dont see this as a working mum issue as seens by some ???
could be a sahm that offloads baby on nanny all day, goes to gym/shops/lunch then offloads at weekends too etc and never see babies

i work FT and am a bit at this

chatted to children on webcam,sent dp fb message they all love me

even when nanny prodded they children to say "we love you miranda priestly"

bbh, I agree. If you are going to carry on as before why have them at all.

Ronaldhinhio.... do you think what's her face in the DM could have been talking about you?

Complete OT but fergie3 haveyupu looked into graduate entry nursing? Your history degree will mean that your nursing degree will be a year shorter. I have a history degree and am currently doing graduate entry medicine.
PS posie, imagine that, I gave up a well paid full time job (bad enough I know) to study full-time and get paid nothng. I'm sure in your weird world this means both of my children are somehow suffering. Luckily they seem happy and well-adjusted.

I dunno posie do you?
Perhaps she meant you?
Or perhaps she was simply asked to make up a story along those lines...

However if I did think she meant me do you think it would remotely concern me?

this was bound from the beginning to turn into a SAHM/WOHM argument, wasn't it?

I have to agree with gobsmacked, from a few pages back who saw criticism n the fact that the child doesn't sleep through at 2yo. Obviously due to poor parenting. Looks like I was a great parent for my first two and my thrid was a bit much for me, that's why he hasn't slept through yet at 20 months. Wish I could be a SAHM, that would definitily help with his sleep

Why is it women are always so quick to judge each others choices.

I've a couple of friends who are very successful full time working mums and they feel their choice is best. No problem there. What gets me is whey everytime they see me they ask 'So, when are you going back to work' like this is the only way to do things.

We all need to learn to respect each others parenting choices, even if they're different to the ones we make ourselves.

My ds didn't sleep through the night until he was 5. We still both worked full time, dealt with him and his older sister - existed and had no help whatsoever. Tellingly, his younger sister was conceived on his fifth birthday although, being the rubbish mother I am I should probably never have allowed that to happen..

I know many many women who have full time nannies and maids (seven days a week), one has never bathed her children, these women fill their time with the gym, the beauty salon, trips to nearby shopping havens, massages etc etc they do not even meet them or take them to school, not even the school bus, zero. They do not work but the same question applies to them really, why bother having children? To watch your genes flourish? Narcissism? Because you can? To reap in the glory of any success your child may have? Why?

see coolma, point proven!

Posie, no chip just lingering irritation at being told that YOUR way is the right way and people who choose a different way are somehow inadequate as parents.
You may be at home with your children but you are also judgemental and prone to swearing at complete strangers. If I had my own judgy pants on I might wonder if that makes you a better mother than me ...

curious how external comments eg DM galvanise everyone to effuse about mn spirit and solidarity

but one wind up post and everyone at each other throat. lets face it we all think and fervently believe we are doing the right thing by our children. because we are

no amount of hand wringing or arguing about this topic will make anyone change their mind or behaviours.dont have to like it, might not even agree.

but whatever works for you sister.

I've never met anyone as described in the OP's (first ever) post. I think it's just a wind-up

a wind up post that pushed all the buttons

OP I entirely agree with you, Shreiking Harpy and purple peonie. And why are some people making out like it wouldnt raise questions if it were a man spending FA quality time with his offspring?

Sil and Bil have announced they are expecting again, apparently he was broody.

The standard response was "He's got a nerve wanting another, he can't be bothered with the 2 he's already got!"

He spends no time with them, dropping LO off with MIL on his day off, even when MIL had a funeral to go to he dropped her off at 12. They are with SIL all weekend at MIL's house plus most week nights. Is this really why people have kids, so other people can raise them for you?

I don't think OP has any issue with the hours this woman works, rather that she is complaining about lack of time she gets with DC while spending most free time out without said child.

Perhaps some of the vitriol being thrown at the OP here is due in part to guilty consciences?

exactly reluctant1sttimer it's not the fact the woman works FT, it's more the fact she's palming her DC off to the GPs all the time. Makes you wonder why people bother having any in the first place.

Fair enough women have to work or choose to work FT/PT/flexi time etc, that's not the issue here. No one's bashing the OP's friend for not being a SAHM. It's not right for everyone. What she is getting at is the fact the GPs seem to be doing all the work with the one DC, what on earth is it going to be like with 2??

the op hopped it 9hours ago after starting this wee incendiary thread. i think her pants were on fire

so don't cry about the poor wee op and the vitriol thrown at her

and maybe dont apply cod psychology to strangers either

scottishmummy i agree entirely

I totally understand the nature of AIBU but also there is judgemental and judgemental and sometimes the ever repeated nature of some topics in this thread do us no favours

I truly don't care how other people look after their children or the arrangements they make as long as they make arrangements and look after them.
It amazes me that so many of you still really DO care and really DO want to sit in judgement of other mothers thinking that it will somehow strengthen your choice or validate your existence.

I posted a crass counter argument because I hate the idea that we feel a snapshot of someone's parenting should be something we can pick over, judge and then pat our own back over.
It's all so bloody limiting.

Why would it make you a better mother if you are at home or ensure that your children are better cared for?
Or better if you are at work? Why are we so obsessed with this?

I can only conclude that it is because there is something underlying it in most cases.

I'm not sure that it's the most obvious lack of worth/guilt arguments but wonder if it is something more base?
A competitive mothering or a need to put someone else down to boost ourselves up?

I don't know but I despise whatever drives it and will continue to debate strongly in any ridiculous topic that validates it's extension.

Who's crying? Not me, I'm too bloody tired after spending the first full day on my own in months with DS. Thank god DH is a SAHD.

I am also struggling with work-life balance like this woman clearly is but any free time I do have, DS comes first, not my social life. Wish I had one!

there is no this woman.the op posted 9+hrs ago and hopped it

she posted all the usual stereotypes
avaricious mum- ^tick
financially solvent but emotionally absent - tick
child farmed on to benevolent GP's - tick
feckless but wants another -tick

usual mn debacle and bit of posturing - tick

Oh well SM, you and Ronald wasted more time on her than the rest of us put together ...