Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to really want my husband's female BF to stop borrowing him for her 'escort' of an evening.

155 replies

howdidthishappenthen · 25/11/2009 15:48

DH's female best friend from Uni has been staying with us weeknights now for 3 months after relocating back to London with a new job (she's supposed to be looking for a flat of her own but hasn't started yet). We both invited her to stay and generally I get on just fine with her. However, her new job involves lots of corp entertaining events and she's invited my husband along to a few evening drinks with her, mostly car themed stuff as he's a car nut. There's another one tomorrow and I'm invited too, but don't want to go as a: I'm in 3rd trim of DD2 so can't drink and can't stand on my feet making small talk for a couple of hours and b: I find cars unutterably tedious. A teensy niggly part of my wants her to fuck off and stop using my husband as an escort on these 'dos'. Mostly because she's very promiscuous (several new men a month) and slept with all her other male friends from Uni at some point or other (DH is adamant this does not apply in his case) and also because am feeling like I am very socially dull at the mo, (the end of pregnancy is so boring and knackering) but still not at all ready for someone else to step forward into my shoes on the social scene. I know DH would rather be out with me but I just wish there was some bloke for him to go with instead. AIBU to want her to stop inviting him to stuff and bugger off back into her own life?

OP posts:
DanDruff · 25/11/2009 17:33

are you an evil owhteer woman?

crokky · 25/11/2009 17:37

If DH can't resist cigarettes, I have doubts as to whether he can resist this woman.

Looks to me like an affair concealed in plain sight.

You need to get this woman out now - men like shagging women, especially new ones - even if your DH is quite saintly, how long do you think he can resist this tasty little slut for?

Emotional involvement is enough to cause you problems in your marriage even if he has not actually shagged her.

forehead · 25/11/2009 17:38

Get rid ,before she starts shagging your dh.

Curiousmama · 25/11/2009 17:40

I'd be more annoyed about her not paying rent....can't think why she isn't hunting for a place

cakeywakey · 25/11/2009 17:41

Why does everyone seem to think that OP's DH is going to start shagging this woman? If they've been friends for years and haven't - even when she's offered it on a plate - why would he now? Men are able to think with their brains as well as their dicks you know!

MrsTittleMouse · 25/11/2009 17:41

The whole "does she fancy him?" thing is a complete red herring, I think. If you are in the third trimester, then she needs to be thinking about moving out as you will not want a guest around with a newborn (as you know!). If she isn't making moves to find her own place then she will need nudging. She is onto a good thing with you all being so nice and not charging her rent and so she has no reason to move. You have every reason for her to move and so you (or rather your DH) will have to make her move.

That's the real problem. Not the fact that she has slept with her male friends. I went through a stage where I slept with my male friends - why not? I knew that they were good guys and we had a lot of fun. It didn't mean that I was some kind of predator, or that I can't be monogamous (which I have been, completely, with DH).

wonderingwondering · 25/11/2009 17:42

SGB, I trust my DH, I just didn't want another woman hanging around, leching after him and hoping we'd drift so she'd have a chance. I want supportive people around me who care abut my best interests - that's what a friend is. I don't think that's unreasonable!

Jamieandhismagictorch · 25/11/2009 17:44

I agree wonderingwondering. Not everything is a heteromonogamist conspiracy SGB

crokky · 25/11/2009 17:44

cakeywakey - men are able to think with their brains, yes. I have 3 brothers who often provide me with TMI - even if they don't shag the woman in a particular situation, they would really like to and that feeling in itself is no good for the OP's marriage.

SoupDragon · 25/11/2009 17:48

"tasty little slut"

Charming.

cakeywakey · 25/11/2009 17:49

That feeling isn't restricted to men Crokky. I too think that this woman should be out of the door as soon as, but she's still going to be around, they're friends.

crokky · 25/11/2009 17:52

SoupDragon - on the basis of what the OP has said on this thread, I think my description of this person is accurate. Plus I am not actually using this description to the woman's face, I am trying to get through to an extremely laid back OP.

I've shagged a couple of my male friends in the past. They were, however, single. She is spending waaaay too much time with a man who is most certainly not.

forehead · 25/11/2009 17:55

Anyone who believes that the op's dh will not eventually shag this woman is living in cloud
cuckoo land. I believe that the op is concerned about this, but is trying to underplay the situation. I just don't want to read a thread by the op in a few weeks time beginning'I am devastated as i have just found out that my dh is shagging his best friend'
Three months is faaaaaaar too long to house any friend imho.

howdidthishappenthen · 25/11/2009 17:59

I really really don't think he's interested - he could have had it on a plate years ago if we wanted it. I think he just likes the free tickets to car events tbh. But I do agree, 3 months is too long, 3 adults in the house is too many. Will tell her she needs to have a new place to stay for after Christmas as baby then imminent and space needed, and will tell him that future invites to events to be politely declined.

OP posts:
Morloth · 25/11/2009 18:02

Well actually I think it is a bit cheeky to tell him future invites to be declined. But definitely get her out of your house - that is weird - what kind of adult wants to live with a little family like that in the long term? A week here or there is one thing, but she has moved in.

cakeywakey · 25/11/2009 18:05

I might suggest she finds somewhere before Christmas - otherwise she may well still be there long after.

Tolalola · 25/11/2009 18:05

Make sure either you or DH tell her to start looking straight away cos it can take a while to find somewhere (esp. if she's not really trying v. hard!). I'd want her gone before Christmas,tbh. I think you'll be at your wits end by then.

SoupDragon · 25/11/2009 18:09

Does she habitually shag married men then?

AnyFucker · 25/11/2009 18:20

why wait til after xmas ?

are you bankrolling her festivities too ?

fgs woman, get a backbone will ya

FabIsVeryLucky · 25/11/2009 18:22

AF - I read the OP and a few posts and only came back on to read your post.

BitOfFun · 25/11/2009 18:22

Christmas is weeks away- plenty of time to find some other sucker to kip with while she flat-hunts. Just give her the bum's rush.

AnyFucker · 25/11/2009 18:23

I will be here fab

I don't have CAT though if that is what you meant

Holler for me in chat

FabIsVeryLucky · 25/11/2009 18:47
Smile
CaptainUnderpants · 25/11/2009 18:56

Well if she doesn't head off soon, plant the baby's room next to hers and she will soon get fed up of a new born waking and crying in the night !

Or just get the new baby to be sick on her jsut as she is about to go out and she will soon get fed up of smelling like baby sick .

FabIsVeryLucky · 25/11/2009 18:59

Surely she knows she has to go before the baby comes?!?!

Does she pay rent???