Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to really want my husband's female BF to stop borrowing him for her 'escort' of an evening.

155 replies

howdidthishappenthen · 25/11/2009 15:48

DH's female best friend from Uni has been staying with us weeknights now for 3 months after relocating back to London with a new job (she's supposed to be looking for a flat of her own but hasn't started yet). We both invited her to stay and generally I get on just fine with her. However, her new job involves lots of corp entertaining events and she's invited my husband along to a few evening drinks with her, mostly car themed stuff as he's a car nut. There's another one tomorrow and I'm invited too, but don't want to go as a: I'm in 3rd trim of DD2 so can't drink and can't stand on my feet making small talk for a couple of hours and b: I find cars unutterably tedious. A teensy niggly part of my wants her to fuck off and stop using my husband as an escort on these 'dos'. Mostly because she's very promiscuous (several new men a month) and slept with all her other male friends from Uni at some point or other (DH is adamant this does not apply in his case) and also because am feeling like I am very socially dull at the mo, (the end of pregnancy is so boring and knackering) but still not at all ready for someone else to step forward into my shoes on the social scene. I know DH would rather be out with me but I just wish there was some bloke for him to go with instead. AIBU to want her to stop inviting him to stuff and bugger off back into her own life?

OP posts:
howdidthishappenthen · 25/11/2009 16:14

Oh dear. No, never asked her to pay rent. Have forgiven DH for the £1200 to his sister (she's nice, we both want to help, we'll have sold the house by then anyway). He hasn't had another fag since I roasted him about the last one (his assurances combined with my ultra sensitive pregnant nose and suspicious pocket-checking-for-lighters skills give me confidence in this). He's really more of a muppet than an arse, and I do use MN for all my sound offs without also sharing all the fab things funny about him. Still want HER to move along please, though

OP posts:
anonacfr · 25/11/2009 16:14

Wow you're patient.

If think you (or your DH) should seriously talk to her about an end date to her stay. You have 12 weeks left but it can take ages to find a place, specially as she's not even started looking yet. What happens if your DD2 arrives a couple of week early?

She needs to know that she has to go by insert date to your convenience

notwavingjustironing · 25/11/2009 16:15

LOL at "to-do" list. If she's that good at finding people to sleep with, maybe she should focus her efforts on that, then she will have someone to go out with.

Job done.

wonderingwondering · 25/11/2009 16:15

You allow a woman who you know to be willing to hop into bed with your DH if the opportunity arises to stay in your home? Madness. Once someone had made an 'offer' like that she'd be cut out of our lives.

notwavingjustironing · 25/11/2009 16:18

Tell him you want her to move out for Christmas as your present. No need for showy gestures.

He'll be so relieved he doesn't have to traipse round the shops he will agree in a flash!

AnyFucker · 25/11/2009 16:21

blimey, Op, are you a saint ?

I'll bet your dh gets a lot of nudge-nudge type comments at work

It is all looking a bit polygamous isn't it ?

A different wife for different activities

One to impregnate and spawn kiddywinks, one to go out on the razz with

I am joking (I think) but really this is quite ridiculous

I wouldn't leave it to your DH to get the ball rolling now, tbh

He is probably oblivious (although he wouldn't be if I had anything to do with it)

I would be taking her to one side and asking her if she has mislaid her sense-of-propriety gene and replaced it with a piss-taking one ??

notwavingjustironing · 25/11/2009 16:22

Yes I have to say, she would be under no illusion as to how I felt about it if she was living in our house.

RumourOfAHurricane · 25/11/2009 16:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

howdidthishappenthen · 25/11/2009 16:24

Wonderingwondering.. the last 'offer' confessed to predates my own relationship with DH.

(but then.. I was at a dinner with with some other mutual friends recently when the very very pissed husband of the other couple inadvertantly made reference to sleeping with her a couple of years ago, forgetting that his wife - sitting opposite us - was not a party to this fact! I thought the wife took it in very good part, all things considered..).

Oh dear. DH needs to be set the task of getting her moved on, doesn't he.

AND given that consensus is I'm not BU, should I go to this drinks thing tomorrow then?

OP posts:
displayuntilbestbefore · 25/11/2009 16:26

no, instead of going to the drinks thing, why not make plans with your dh to go somewhere else instead, if you can get a babysitter, and then your parasite houseguest will have to find another escort for herself

  • and speak to your dh about this asap as your situation needs to CHANGE!
brockleybelle · 25/11/2009 16:26

I wouldn't be at all happy. You're a married partnership and I don't agree with close friendships with people of the opposite sex. You are you husband's best friend, not her.

cakeywakey · 25/11/2009 16:27

Yeah, go along, and start chatting to people about good places for young single women to live in London so that you're 'helping' her

BitOfFun · 25/11/2009 16:28

You could use this

Jamieandhismagictorch · 25/11/2009 16:30

YANBU, she is seriously taking the piss. And muppet boy is letting her. Am really rather for you.

AnyFucker · 25/11/2009 16:31

hdtht

your circle of friends, if this one house-and-husband-stealing one and those at the dinner party are anything to go by, are all rather progressive aren't they

you do know that people will be coming to their own conclusions about this set-up don't you ? A nice extended-family going on here...

I would surely not be so passive in allowing a situation like this to humiliate me

because that is what is happening

thesunshinesbrightly · 25/11/2009 16:33

Is this thread for real?
seriously, i dont believe ANYONE would put up with this.

AnyFucker · 25/11/2009 16:35

is your DH's female BF also your sister ?

LeQueen · 25/11/2009 16:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

displayuntilbestbefore · 25/11/2009 16:37

agree with AnyFucker about what the set up looks like to outsiders
you'll be getting a lot of pitying looks if you don't wise up and sort out the situation - make your own plans for tomorrow night and let the woman do her own thing without you or your dh. She could be happily telling people she and your dh have a thing going and if he turns up on her arm every time there's an evening do, it might be backing up her fantasy....it's one thing having a woman clearly covet your dh but to allow her to spend so much time with him and be living in your home is quite another thing entirely.

howdidthishappenthen · 25/11/2009 16:41

NO - BF and sister are different people :-) OK, I have clearly confused myself and misinterpreted my position as easy-going 'hey she just needs some friends whilst she finds her feet and no reason why he shouldn't have a few nights out just because I'm up the duff' with 'bit-of-a-muppet-verging-on-naive-who-needs-to-put-a-stop-to-this'. Will take action promptly ladies!

OP posts:
wonderingwondering · 25/11/2009 16:41

Whether her offer pre-dates your relationship or not, I wouldn't have a woman who was ready, willing and able under my roof! DH had a uni 'friend' like that, and I wasn't happy with her being in our social circle: I didn't like the thought of her 'waiting in the wings' for DH and I to split up.

He was happy to move on from her, out of respect to me. Other ex-gf's of my DH, I don't mind - they've moved on too. But if someone's still interested, there's no way they'd be in my house!

NancyBotwin · 25/11/2009 16:44

Apart from having designs on your dh, I can't believe you have let her stay this long - I also posted on your previous thread asking how long you should let her stay.

Tell her your mother or someone else is coming to visit a lot over the next few months to give you a hand and you need her to move out asap.

Otherwise you will be like the Mnetter who had an uninvited houseguest abusing her hospitality whilst she was struggling with a newborn.

I can't believe she hasn't made any effort to find somewhere to live - plenty of rental properties available in the current climate. Yes, it's expensive to rent in London but that's not your problem...

StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 25/11/2009 17:00

Is she going to still be there when new baby arrives?

groundhogs · 25/11/2009 17:01

You have to call time on the weeknights arrangements, pronto!

3 months is beyond taking the proverbial tbh, give your DH a nudge.

She really has to be out of your house within the next couple of weeks, Christmas is a month away, she needs to be long gone before then.

Give DH till the end of THIS week to ask her to look for alternative accomodation, or YOU will. Don't let this situation go undiscussed until monday, it has to be done and resolved, in that she agrees - this weekend - to get on and look for a permanant place to live and leave your house asap.

Seriously, get her out of your house. It's been long enough!

SolidGoldBangers · 25/11/2009 17:11

I see the paranoid shrieking monogamists are out in force again. Fucking hell it must be so exchausting to be on constant red alert for Evil Other Women.
FWIW I think the OP is doing just fine: she trust her H and he has not given her any reason to do otherwise. It's perfectly reasonable to enjoy having a houseguest for a while, but equally reasonable to get fed up and want the houseguest to move out. HDTH, make sure that you do put it in terms of needing space and rest time for when the baby comes rather than 'Bwaaah! You FANCY her don't you' as the former is reasonable and the latter while make you look whiny.