Feeling pretty devastated at the moment - I'm sory this is long but I'd really welcome your thoughts on this.
My brother and his wife have basically just cut us off. They have always been a bit funny (always have to be right, deaf to others' opinions, buying expensive presents for each other and their kids but giving crap presents to the rest of their family such as us, my mum and my brothers, we visit them regularly but they never make the effort to come to us, we've lived here 6 years and they've maybe visited 3 or 4 times) but we've just put up with it, but then this summer they were invited to ds1's 6th birthday party and were three hours late, they arrived as we were packing up (we had it in a village hall). They only live an hour away - and this is not the first time this has happened - didn't invite them last year but the year before they did the same thing, we had it at a soft play and I had paid for their kids to attend - they didn't even apologise or offer to reimburse me. They now have 4 kids including one baby so I can understand it is difficult getting out, but three hours?!? Also the time before they only had 2 kids and were 2 hours late. It was kind of a last straw so a few weeks later I told my brother how hurt I was, especially as they didn't even apologise, he just got really defensive and aggressive. Within minutes my sister-in-law was sounding off about it on Facebook. They haven't spoken to dh or I since, have deleted us both off their Facebook pages. My mum and other brother are really angry with them but have to say nothing for fear of being cut off also, mum would be devasted if cut off from her four grandchildren. Families hey. Wish I could just put it to one side and not think about them but I just can't let it go, I can't believe they have treated us like this. After Xmas we are moving abroad for a year with dh's work (of which I have sensed jealousy on their part) and it is highly unlikely that we will see them before we go. It is not fair on the kids either as my dses love playing with their cousins - you'd think they'd at least see us if only for the childrens' sake. I have continued to send birthday cards and presents which have not been returned, although no apologies either, although that is nothing new. Remains to be seen what they will do about Christmas presents.
Dh and I have often got the impression that they feel inferior to us, hence my SIL'd need to shout me down on my parenting opinions (her attitude to parenting is to put a crying baby in its room, shut the door and turn off the monitor - chills me to be honest). I did better academically than my brother and my dh has a better job, better income than him and I think they find that hard. Years back they were struggling financially and had just had a baby and we'd just got some inheritance so we bought a new car and basically just gave them our old one. At the time we thought we were doing them a favour but in hindsight I am wondering if that was unhelpful and made the gap between us wider.
I love my brother very much and despite my differences of opinion with my SIL I do care about her and my nephews/niece and it devastates me that they would shrug us off so easily.
I am wondering whether they are angry with us for having the chance to go abroad so it is convenient for them to push us aside at this time. I don't know.
All I know is that I want to be reconciled to them and simply cannot put them aside as they have done me, I am just not like that. I cannnot stand to be in discord with anybody.
We will be staying near to them for the few days before we leave the country as going to my mum's for Xmas, so we are going to tell them we will be there and would love to see them, can't see what else we can do.
Thank you for listening : )