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Original poster

Can you take cocaine socially without it becoming a problem?

174 replies

whattodonow1 · 09/11/2009 10:15

Father of my 3 children has admitted to me that he has been taking cocaine approximately once a month when on nights out with friends pretty much ever since we got together. Says he spends about £30 a month on it. I trust what he has told me as he is basically decided to put his cards on the table as he doesn't want to lie to me anymore. He knows I'm not into this type of scene and have never been involved in anything like this.

Basically he says he is not ready to give his habit up but hope one day to be in position to do so. I am pleased that he is finally be honest with me with a view that if he told me that he would never touch it again, he'd be lying as he knows that one day he will take it again. He doesn't see it as a big issue as he has been doing it for years and can on some occassions go for a few months without taking anything.

Basically want to know has anyone been in the situation where they or a partner has taken this drug and then grown out of it (partners 29 and most his friends are young with no responsibilities) In a dilema whether to run and struggle with 3 kids on my own or try to ignore this and hope evntually it goes away

OP posts:
Rindercella · 09/11/2009 16:16

Well, quite Posie.

meltedchocolate · 09/11/2009 16:18

The issues i have mentioned oooj are totally valid. It is the reality of drugs. Maybe one day it will be legalised but for now it isn't.

It is OK to think solely about the OPs husband and their personal situation but you are just ignoring what is going on behind the scene.

He may have no issue with it. May never become addicted and OP and him may live happily ever after.

I am just trying to state what happens BEFORE he gets his night out.

CitizenPrecious · 09/11/2009 16:20

roffle at coke being "moreish"

CitizenPrecious · 09/11/2009 16:21

...and has the OP been back??

DuelingFanjo · 09/11/2009 16:24

funny.

I am only able to empathise with the anxiety the OP must be feeling RE her partner's drug use. But you are right, I can't offer her any first hand experience of taking it. I can only hope that she doesn't end up in a situation like the ones I have been in because I know how much that anxiety sucks.

My solution to that anxiety was to try and put the drug use and the amounts of drugs used into perspective. It's certaily worth educating yourself about the medical risks. In my humble opinion the stuff about dealers, bleeding noses and the coke trade are not important when helping this person deal with the stuff she has just discovered.

But that's just my opinion I guess, and maybe not welcome.

posieparker · 09/11/2009 16:28

DF, all opinions are welcome. You're right anxiety is shit and her DH is likely to be fine.

Hits self in 'Dobby' like fashion for moorish not moreish....

claraquack · 09/11/2009 16:29

Duellingfanjo - in a way I do agree with you, the OP probably doesn't want to know this stuff, or already knows it all. After all, it isn't her taking the drugs.

But I think it is quite an emotive subject and I guess one most people can't help but comment on if they have been involved in it.

And the thread title does invite comment when it asks whether you can take cocaine socially without it being a problem - to me and I guess others, ANY drug use is a problem!

mamadiva · 09/11/2009 16:32

DF I would assume that your post is in some way related to what I had to say?!

Well I apologize if the story of what coke done to my family does not seem useful to you but the cold hard truth is what the OP has had to say is EXACTLY what my dad swore for over 3 years! Infact the only reason he admitted taking it was because I found white powder ontop of ur toilet at home (prob just as well that it was'nt my 4YO brother).

It was a social thing, all the other guys did it, it was only every few weeks, he did'nt have to take it, it was just a way to relax... bla bla bla!

There is only 2 ways to deal with it, you accept it and ignore what he is doing thus putting your children in danger because lets face it coke is not known to make you a nice responsible person or stand up and say no chance am I allowing this in my home or near my children if you can't give it up then that's it.

By all means speak to him but IMHE do not believe a word he says...

DuelingFanjo · 09/11/2009 16:40

Mamadiva, I wasn't really posting with you in mind.

I would say though that just because your dad was a liar and an addict doesn't mean every person who uses drugs recreationally is a liar and an addict. it really doesn't.

I am really sorry that your family had that experience.

I do agree with you though, that the OP's husband may not be telling the truth and I think the OP probably needs to sit down and have a really frank talk with him.

Actually I think it was very unfair of him to dump this on the OP after keeping it a secret for so many years. It seems he has gained some kind of peace of mind but the result is that his wife now has to deal with this knowledge. very unfair.

EmsieRo · 09/11/2009 16:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Stigaloid · 09/11/2009 16:44

I know a lot of people who have taken it and grown out of it. I know some people who have taken it and died. I have a very close friend who took it and had a stroke at 28 and is now confined to a wheelchair for life severely impaired. Taking drugs is like playing russian roulette. Only the lucky get away before the bullet goes off.

DuelingFanjo · 09/11/2009 16:50

I'm really interested to know, from the people who have known people who died as a result of cocaine, were they using cocaine at the point they died?

mrsshackleton · 09/11/2009 16:51

Why is it trite?

Cocaine is dangerous and nasty stuff. The OP's husband is deluding himself if he thinks it isn't.

The OP asked if you can take coke socially without it becoming a problem. IME and O, no. It always becomes a problem if the usage is more than - say -once a year because its effects are physically harmful and you get addicted very quickly.

When I was doing it, I thought all the media scare stories couldn't possibly have any bearing on my life, I looked back and I realised how lucky I was to have got away with it. I'd be very surprised if the OP's husband, having owned up to this, is in the once a year category and I'd be very surprised if he doesn't - wrongly - think that nothing bad could ever happen to him.

MadameDefarge · 09/11/2009 16:57

Duelling no, both people I knew had given up. But their hearts had been so weakened by cocaine use it was just a matter of time...

It really is a ticking bomb, health wise.

Stigaloid · 09/11/2009 16:59

DuellingFanjo - in answer to your question - yes. Ages ranged from 22 to 45 of people i have known who have gone out 'clubbing' and not come home alive. I know of one 26 year old who had a heart attack - he lived. It has become socially acceptable for people to take coke, it hasn't become any less dangerous on the body.

posieparker · 09/11/2009 16:59

One of the young men I knew was taking coke when he died, along with ecstasy and the other enjoyed parties, champagne and coke...he was a stock broker.... goes with the territory.

Rindercella · 09/11/2009 17:07

Firstly, FD, I apologise for any sarcasm. Of course your opinion is as valid as anyone else's. Although to be fair, you were the one who suggested that only those with first hand experience should be posting

OP, I have been thinking about my use when I was getting dinner on the go, and the reasons why I stopped. I was a 'social' user, but it was fairly frequent use - a couple of times a week perhaps. Sometimes more, sometimes less. I never took it during the day, to 'help me get through work' as some people I knew did. I would take it when out clubbing & pubbing with my friends. The vast majority of people I knew at that time used cocaine in a similar sort of way.

I did start to enjoy it less. It got cut with more rubbish, I would throw up a heck of a lot more when taking it, I would have headaches for a day or two afterwards (really thumping, cracking headaches). One time I remember thinking I was going to have a heart attack. Think I was about 26 at the time. Can still remember the feeling now. I still took it though. Then, at 28 I met DH. He is the last person in the world who would take/need coke - he's always on a natural upper, is super fit & sporty and can talk for England He knew I took it (never when we were out though), and although he never asked me not to, I knew he respected me less for doing it and really didn't like it.

So, after a few months of dating, I made a decision: to stop it altogether. It was absolutely the right thing to do and I know that DH really respected me more because of it. I got huge amounts of pressure from some of my old friends to continue with it - no-one likes to be on coke alone (one of the side affects is paranoia), and eventually I cut off some friendships because of that - we only had coke in common if you like.

So, yes, you can use it regularly and stop. I did because of DH and because of my health. And because of my bank balance. And for my sanity. There are a hundred other reasons I could list now too

Rindercella · 09/11/2009 17:10

Ahem, side effects

DuelingFanjo · 09/11/2009 17:13

I was kind of suggesting that people try to answer the OP's question rather than scaring her with a lot of mostly (IMO) irrelevant stuff. Probably I am not being articulate enough.

thesecondcocking · 09/11/2009 17:14

i have used it,and don't anymore, if i were to be having a conversation with my dd1 (aged 15) i would probably avoid hysteria as down that path lies them totally ignoring.
If i'd said to my parents as a kid 'i take pills' then they'd have had me in fucking rehab and on that basis i could never ever have an open discussion with them about it. do you see why someone asking a personal question about coke usage might not need/want to have the worlds ills dumped on them. it doesn't really open the path for an adult discussion..does it?
and yes, hysteria...

Rindercella · 09/11/2009 17:16

You were the person who forced me to re-read the OP and hopefully my last post was of some help

Rindercella · 09/11/2009 17:17

DFr that was aimed at, not the2ndcoming

meltedchocolate · 09/11/2009 18:23

thesecond like i said i dont think she should say these things to her husband, but its something i think she should know so she knows why he shoulnt be doing it in the first place.

carocaro · 09/11/2009 18:31

I used to do it, pre-kids, even did it before I knew I was pregnant with DS1, thankfully no harm was done. Of course I stopped the moment I found out I was pregnant.

That was over 8 years ago, and TBH sometimes I miss it, the feeling it gave me. When a young family is involved I can see the lure to take it, small kids are hard work and some form of escape is something we all need from time to time eg: swimming, yoga, walking, drink, food, drugs - sometimes just something.

I have never touched it again, I am not around it amymore (it was advertising in central london in the 90's) and have no idea where to get it if I wanted it! I know it is the wrong thing to do now i have children. It effects people differently, I am not addicted, but I used to rely on it quite heavily. I think it is like booze and fags, if you are asked how much you have you are always a bit economical with the truth.

whooshspicemonster · 09/11/2009 20:01

I think it really depends from person to person. In my distant youth, I used to do it occasionally. I very rarely turned it down if I were offered it but bought it really infrequently. And when I did, I could quite happily leave it in a drawer for a few months until a particular party or something.

I do know people who have had pretty bad coke habits - it broke up one of my friend's marriages.

But the vast, vast majority of people do the odd line with very little long term effects - they don't get addicted and they don't die.
Otherwise half of Islington would have carked it by now.

Most people stop doing it because they get a bit bored by the fact that they and all their friends turn into really boring self-obsessed twunts after a few lines.