DP 'told' me and DCs to leave the house for the weekend

[iwouldgoouttonight]

I genuinely can't work out whether I'm being unreasonable and uptight or whether DP is being unreasonable. A couple of months ago he got chatting to three of his friends who live all over the country to arrange to meet up for a 'lads weekend'. Which is fine because with one thing and another they don't get to see each other very often. But then a few weeks ago DP said he'd asked his friends to come to our house for the weekend. I asked where they were all going to sleep and he said in the DCs rooms. So I asked where the DCs were going to sleep and he said, oh yes, I was hoping you could go away for the weekend and take the kids.

I thought this was a bit cheeky and at first thought he was joking, especially as DD is only 9 months and he knows I'm knackered from getting up in the night, etc. So he started to sulk and said he'll tell them not to come then. So I then obviously felt bad and so I found a friend who had enough room to put me and the DCs up for two nights but it does mean driving a long way on my own with them.

Anyway, I'd forgotten about it for a while but its happening this coming weekend and now I keep getting really annoyed when I think about it. The last time he met up with these friends they all went to a strip club and had a private dance. I've asked him if they're planning on doing this again and he's said no, but he's unlikely to say yes as he knows I was upset about it last time.

Also I know when I get back after the weekend I'm going to have loads of sheets to change and washing to do. He said he'll clean up after them, but I know his standards are slightly different to mine!

I've been feeling really run down and a bit down recently so I can't work out whether I'm getting worked up about it unreasonably just because I'm tired, or whether DP is taking the p*ss a bit. What do you think?

Its nice to be part of a unit and a united front but yes also be your own person, you can have both not only one or the other.

iwouldgoouttonight, Can I give you my honest opinion here? You're not married to this guy.
I have to say that one of the "wonders" of feminism is that it has given men the freedom to live with women with whom they have children in a long-term relationship without the actual bind of marriage (love it or hate it, marriage is legally more of a commitment than cohabitation).
You have a boy-man on your hands here. A big kid who -thanks to the progressive society- has escaped the bind of marriage and the psychological bind it represents.
I have said it before and I will say it again- it is utterly incomprehensible to me that this man is asking you and your children to leave your home for the weekend.
I simply cannot imagine any married man asking his wife to do this; it just would NOT happen. Not that marriage turns a bad guy into a saint or anything but it DOES make it clear to him that he is now bound to look after his wife. Your story here is absolutely unbelievable. Your bloke is beyond comprehension.

Your baby is 9 months old for goodness sake!!

Totally agree maranatha, i believe that marriage strengthens this bond and makes a man/woman more of a unit. Marriage in a religious(Christian sense)signifies the joining of the man and woman to become one. The bible states out certain expectations of the man and woman to each other in a marriage and advocates respect for one another. That does not mean that you live in each others pockets or are not independent absolutely not!

Am in agreement with marantha here.

When you are a family - especially with very young children, you do things as a family, that takes precedence over individual wants, no wonder so many relationships can't go the distance, selfishness seems to be the priority these days.

It's not unreasonable for him to want to meet up with old friends but why does it have to be to the detriment and inconvenience of his family?

Will the OP's partner be taking her and the kids away for a nice weekend and spending some quality time with them at any point? And if not, why not?

sorry, thesecondcoming, but I am afraid that as a rule cohabiting couples ARE less committed than the married.
Why? Because cohabitation is often seen as a trial for long-term commitment whereas with marriage the commitment has already been made.
I AM for real and I stick by what I say (although I should have put it more succinctly): because cohabiting relationships are accepted by society as a legitimate trial for long-term commitment, society is more relaxed about how cohabitees conduct themselves- in short, they're cut a little more slack.
However, ONCE ACTUALLY MARRIED, behaviour as demonstrated by OP's partner is definitely seen as taboo.
I am sorry, but no reasonable person could advocate turfing children out of their own home just so a few blokes could have a jolly.
A childless partner, maybe but NOT a child.

Are we on about the the type of couples I see in the shops at the week-end, with the man trailing behind the woman and he is shuffling along like a zombie looking stunningly bored ?

And as soon as someone mentions what is said in the Bible...well

What has that inane question got to do with this thread?

I'm normally the bored zombie when shopping anyway, trailing behind a husband who is looking at either a. watches. b. sci-fi models. or c. iphone accessories!

I would hate my dh to come with me shopping abosultely awful. We went to Bicester Village and i hated being with him there, comenting on whether i needed another pair of jeans or how expensive is this toot. I was glad that he stays at home and online games than come with me shopping.

No i dont believe that cohabitation is any less its up to everyone what they do just wanted to take things further, I tried I liked and I bought there you go

OOOh i will put on my nice woolf design fleece then how warm it is

i might even buy one for my dh too so we can be matching

pithyslicker, maybe you're right. Maybe the thread contributors are on about couples where the blokes looks like a zombie. But that is coupledom- made up of good and bad bits.

And once a child comes into the relationship, the notion of putting yourself first and turfing your children out of the home so you can have a bit of fun goes through the window.Or at least it should.

If a person does want freedom and total independence they should not have children.
It's NOT the selfish people who remain CHILDLESS and have an absolute promiscuous ball that irritate me- good luck to them, it's the selfish people who chooose to reproduce!

What is the point of forming a long-term relationship if you want to remain independent anyhow? May as well stay single and childless and have some fun!

Can we just get real real here, and stop with the emotive terminology. The children are not being 'turfed out' onto the streets. They will not be living in a cardboard box whilst OPs DH lives it up in some kind of shag-fest. They are going to stay with friends, and OP did have a choice (although granted she was put in an awkward position).

Marantha - OPs DH is not asking for TOTAL independance and freedom IMO - just one weekend of fun with his mates.

Also, where does it say in the great parenting manual that we are to allowed to have any fun once we have kids. FYI I am MARRIED and have 2 DCs, and DH and I do things seperately sometimes (mainly cos I am not into sports and DH is not into shopping!). IMO it is GOOD for our relationship.

And re. the comment: 'I just don't get the whole "couples having seperate friends/separate lives" thing.' Once you are in a relationship, is the idea to dump all old friends and only befriend people with partners? That sounds a very shallow and false thing to do. Friends are to be valued, and not to be thrown away just cos you meet a man.

Undercover its not that the ops partner is going out with his mates and having fun thats not the BU, its the fact that he expects her to move out of the house with young children and to inconvenience herself so that he can have a lads piss up at home. What if the op did not have anywhere else to go, just shows a lack of respect thats all, this can be found in ANY relationship. But she should not have agreed with it in the first place i would have said a big NO!!!!! go somewhere else

TSC - there is no "downtime" when you have young children, that's the whole crux of the matter - any free time is normally spent enriching your life as a family, your children are little for such a short time and it's a time that should be treasured.
If you can't give up your "freedom" for a few years then you shouldn't have kids in the 1st place.

I don't get this; how can it be OK for a man to ask his partner/wife and baby to leave the home for an entire weekend so he can have some fun? I realise that a man may need a bit of a break with his friends, but does no-one else here thing that what is being asked of the opening poster is beyohd the pale?

F---, if THIS is progress I want to return to the 1950s- back then a man was at least aware that such behaviour would be unacceptable.

As far as I'm aware, my grandparents' generation of men were all unreconstructed bastards who shagged their secretaries and hung around in night clubs with their "business" pals while wifey mangled their underpants at home and boiled nappies on the stove. Good old 1930s,40s and 50s.

Cue hundreds of totally new man granddads crawling out of the woodwork.

If my partner asked me to move out for the weekend so that he could get a group of mates round to get pissed and whatever else they might decide to do i would be well pissed off! The op said that her dp's mates were going to be sleeping in their kids bedrooms, thats totally out of order as far as i'm concerned.

The fact that her dp went in the huff when she was'nt to keen on it shows his mentality. Not to mention the fact that he went a strip club and had a private dance, most likely knowing that his partner would'nt be too chuffed about it. Maybe she should'nt have given in to him but i would definately say that she has the right to change her mind, so why should'nt she?

My dp is far from perfect but there's no way that he would expect me to take the kids away for the weekend just so he could do whatever he likes. Its pathetic and it sounds like he needs to grow up. I showed this thread to my dp and he thought it was a ridiculous thing to expect from his partner.

Exactly Kaylasmum, the prick has no respect for the op even asking for such a thing, and using the kids bedrooms , and then to act like a 7 year old boy who has not go his way, he needs to be at school not in an adult relationhip with children.