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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

for resenting having to look after friends child

491 replies

Kamikatze · 03/11/2009 15:40

I'm an older mum with two kids at uni and my 7 yr old surprise dd still living at home (kind of obvious?) Anyway, I've been thru the hectic young mum years when I never seemed to find time to just smell the roses and am now enjoying every minute of being with my dd, just chilling.
When my dd first started school I was approached by a mum with a son same age as dd. I had not made any effort to socialise at the school gate, been there done that, except for of course slight chitchat and making play dates and so on. ANYWAY(will I ever get to the point?)
This other mum, Jane, decided to get a part time job cos she was bored at home. Her dh works 9 to 5 and is always home to bath kids, make dinner. My dh is often away on business trips and hardly ever home bfore dds bedtime. I'm used to it and these days, don't get uptight about it.
Jane has started calling me several times a week to ask me to pick up her kid and keep him at ours until she or her dh comes to pick him up. I don't work away from home so feel guilty to say no, but I resent having to look after her son so many times a week. I want to spend this time with my dd and no one else. I wouldn't say anything if my dd was happy with the situation but she isn't happy specially cos she's in the "boys are yukky" phase. I feel bad for resenting this child and overcompensate by being extra nice to him which leaves dd feeling jealous. Can anyone come up with an idea of how I can get out of this very one sided arrangement, or should I just accept it and say nothing? Maybe I'm just an old kvetcher and should hang my head in shame for getting pissed off about small things? Please advice!!

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 15/11/2009 19:40

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Original poster
Kamikatze · 15/11/2009 19:40

I feel really bad for all of you who have given me advice and support, and wish I could prove to you that I'm not a troll.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kamikatze · 15/11/2009 19:41

Scottishmummy, you sound like you could be Jane?

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 15/11/2009 19:44

so 2 yr hassle doesn't galvinise you butv cheek on mn does?

haha you are so at it well given it was your neighbour/friend for 2 years don't you know and 'twas you who elaborately told how jane queried your distinctive odour

bran · 15/11/2009 19:48

Actually, none of this sounds particularly far-fetched to me, with my experience of my bizarre family. I was actually thinking of warning Kami about how unlikely it was that Jane was going to just let this go given her past behaviour, but I didn't want to worry her unnecessarily.

I know that my aunt gets a bit of a boost out of "conning" people. It seems to be the same sort of emotional boost that I get out of coming up with a brilliant plan to sort out a tricky problem at work or having a particularly good hair/skin day. She often seems to dislike people even more for being taken in by her or being "soft" or easily bullied by her. I think Jane is probably fuming that she has been exposed and is may be trying to recapture the emotional boost by trying to get revenge on Kami. TBH she'll probably get bored or move on to someone else if she doesn't get a reaction. She needs a reaction from you to gratify the toddler emotions that she has instead of normal adult maturity. Behave as though she is someone else's toddler having a tantrum and pay no attention.

If it continues the best thing to do is to alert the taxi company that someone is making prank calls and ask that they confirm any bookings for you by return call to your home number to avoid inconvenience to them.

Original poster
Kamikatze · 15/11/2009 19:48

Never mind. All I can say is: To everyone who took the time and gave me the guts to break away from my childminding, I thank you and I truly hope that you won't stop giving advice the next time something seems over the top. You have no idea what a change it has made to my life.
Even if a person writes shite on here, isn't it better to either ignore them( if you're suspicious) or give the advice anyway, just in case?

OP posts:
justaboutautumn · 15/11/2009 19:49

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UpYourViva · 15/11/2009 19:50

I really dont think Kami is a troll

bran · 15/11/2009 19:50

Sorry, cross posted with Scottishmummy.

Does Jane have a limited education and only passing knowledge of grammar and spelling Kami? If so then perhaps she and Scottishmummy are one and the same.

pithyslicker · 15/11/2009 19:55

I don't believe a word of this...

Original poster
Kamikatze · 15/11/2009 19:56

Thank you Up Your Viva, I hope there are more of you who at least will give me the benefit of the doubt. I know I'm a wimpy saddo, but even I wouldn't bother posting and posting about something not true.

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 15/11/2009 20:03

lol op described how jane queried her feminine hygiene.so she originated the pissy post.i merely simmised

Kaloki · 15/11/2009 20:04

Mybe I'm odd, but, if Kamikatze was a troll, especially a reporter, what would be gained by this thread?

Also I always assumed (through far too many years in forums) that a troll was someone who posted only to pick/cause fights. Unless there's a secret MN definition that I've missed..?

Makipuppy · 15/11/2009 20:05

Er, what's with all this dull troll hunting?

Do you all want to make more room for yet another find me a red cardy thread

Go Kami! Life really is often stranger than fiction...

scottishmummy · 15/11/2009 20:06

dont know if this is troll or not but frankly it is all a bitty overdescribed.but hell no real harm done.oh come on some folk are lovin this thread

you go girlfriend jane's a loon
report her to SS get her children taken away
omg you poor darling woman kk,the adversity of it all

warthog · 15/11/2009 20:10

i'd prefer it if we didn't have this boring troll shouting on every interesting thread.

can't we just report the thread instead of descending into boring dredging up past alleged troll threads?

Mutt · 15/11/2009 20:17

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WhereYouLeftIt · 15/11/2009 20:31

Well, so many posters have recognised your situation from their own experiences Kami that I don't believe you are a troll. Jane is clearly not unique.

I'd comment on the whole obsessive trollhunting thing, but I think justaboutautumn covered it all very nicely.

And as bran pointed out - is a personality like Jane really likely to just shrug and walk away? The cab and takeaway delivery sounds very in keeping with her sense of entitlement - that those who now refuse to bow down and meet her desires should be "punished". Now does anyone have any thoughts on effective ways to deal with this behaviour?

WuktersDarkLair · 15/11/2009 20:39

Is there a prize for troll-spotting or something? Some people are very into it.

thesecondcoming · 15/11/2009 21:11

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BlueCollie · 15/11/2009 21:26

Blimey she is one cheeky mare!!! Does she not have any other friends...hmmm probably not as she has driven them away by doing this to them.
Id say no, stop answering phone or give her a bill for the hours you have looked after her son and the meals you provided...tell her you want payment and that until she pays you arrears you won't look after her son......love to see her face

BlueCollie · 15/11/2009 21:34

I hadn't realsied there were so many comments to this post before I wrote last one and had only read first page......dunno how to delete it. Sorry.

puffling · 15/11/2009 21:40

I agree with others that the thread itself is no place for troll comments. You really don't know the truth of the matter so best off reporting to MNHQ and leaving it in their hands.

Casserole · 15/11/2009 21:53

I'm so bored of the ridiculous trollhunting on here.

Report a thread if you're suspicious, then leave it up to the people who can sort it out but stop derailing threads for the rest of us!

Kami I don't think you were trolling FWIW. I've known people like Jane before, who when they felt rejected / hurt / whatever have responded in a really unstable way. It's really not that unusual.

MoominMymbleandMy · 15/11/2009 22:35

I don't think Kami is a troll. I've encountered at least two people like Jane the witch and I don't think they're that uncommon. They were both initially charming and friendly, and it's only gradually that the realisation dawns on you that you're being taken for a ride.

One was a colleague and I can actually remember him boasting to me that he had ordered minicabs and takeaways to get his revenge on an ex who had dumped him. This boast came around the time that I realised that the shift swaps and coffee runs were always working in his favour.

Another was a mother at school who also got plenty of unpaid child care out of me. The difference was that her DS and my DD were friends (they were younger) and it wasn't a regular arrangement. But the promised reciprocal playdates never materialised and I was pretty annoyed when my poor DD was heartbroken to realise the offspring of a 'cooler, trendier' mum was getting invited round a lot although my DD was the child's best friend.

And when she called my DD a 'hussy' for hugging another little boy in her class - they were four (!) - it did dawn on me that she was a bit of a loon and a user.

Some people really are like that.