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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

for resenting having to look after friends child

491 replies

Kamikatze · 03/11/2009 15:40

I'm an older mum with two kids at uni and my 7 yr old surprise dd still living at home (kind of obvious?) Anyway, I've been thru the hectic young mum years when I never seemed to find time to just smell the roses and am now enjoying every minute of being with my dd, just chilling.
When my dd first started school I was approached by a mum with a son same age as dd. I had not made any effort to socialise at the school gate, been there done that, except for of course slight chitchat and making play dates and so on. ANYWAY(will I ever get to the point?)
This other mum, Jane, decided to get a part time job cos she was bored at home. Her dh works 9 to 5 and is always home to bath kids, make dinner. My dh is often away on business trips and hardly ever home bfore dds bedtime. I'm used to it and these days, don't get uptight about it.
Jane has started calling me several times a week to ask me to pick up her kid and keep him at ours until she or her dh comes to pick him up. I don't work away from home so feel guilty to say no, but I resent having to look after her son so many times a week. I want to spend this time with my dd and no one else. I wouldn't say anything if my dd was happy with the situation but she isn't happy specially cos she's in the "boys are yukky" phase. I feel bad for resenting this child and overcompensate by being extra nice to him which leaves dd feeling jealous. Can anyone come up with an idea of how I can get out of this very one sided arrangement, or should I just accept it and say nothing? Maybe I'm just an old kvetcher and should hang my head in shame for getting pissed off about small things? Please advice!!

OP posts:
WuktersDarkLair · 13/11/2009 23:06

Good on you Kami! I find it so hard to confront people, but you've done it. As said above waltz in with your head high - after all everyone knows what she is like so it's Jane and her H vs you and all the other mums. Numbers.

KiwiKat · 14/11/2009 18:09

I really wonder if someone who is obviously this emotionally unstable should be allowed to look after her own children. Honestly - what is she doing to their heads? Any way you could give Social Services a heads-up that this woman is INSANE?

Original poster
Kamikatze · 15/11/2009 14:41

The thing about Jane is that she seems absolutely normal until something triggers her anger. I've heard people say that she "is constantly bitching", but that's about it. I feel for her children, but I think they have a very good relationship with their Dad, and hopefully that helps to make up for whatever Jane is doing to them?
And now for my latest paranoid news: The doorbell rang on Friday, just before midnight. It was a local minicab driver, saying we had booked a taxi, which we obviously hadn't. Thing is, my DH often uses this minicab firm to take him to and from the airport. We put it down to an error and went back to sleep.
Last night we had the guy from the local Chinese at our door. Since my son was visiting with three of his friends, I just assumed that they had ordered the food, and paid for it. Then I clambered upstairs to let my son know that his food was downstairs. He and his friends seemed unusually grateful and kept thanking me profusely.
Later on, I discovered that neither my son, nor his friends ,had ordered any Chinese food.
I'm now starting to suspect that Jane has been doing some "nuisance ordering". Or could it just be a coincidence? The fact that both cab firm and Chinese restaurant are very familiar to us, seems to point the finger at pure coincidence. But my paranoid mind keeps whispering: Jane...Jane...

OP posts:
thesecondcoming · 15/11/2009 14:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tinkerbellesmuse · 15/11/2009 16:38

Do you know desolate by any chance

Jacksmama · 15/11/2009 17:27

Am I being dense or are we now thinking this is a troll thread? Confused

thelunar66 · 15/11/2009 17:39

Oh please say it ain't so.

scottishmummy · 15/11/2009 17:47

or a journalist that will get some of you bumping gums!so what if she is troll?no one compelled 409 posters did they

stuffitllllama · 15/11/2009 17:51

eh? up the swannee there sm

tinkerbellesmuse · 15/11/2009 17:57

Very similar style (obsession with first names, landrovers and bizarre detail) to a poster on relationships in whom many have invested lots of time.

If I'm wrong I apologise but pretty sure I'm not.

KiwiKat · 15/11/2009 18:09

Trollery? Oh, I hope not. Now I just feel silly.

thelunar66 · 15/11/2009 18:28

Was landrover woman who wouldn't move out of ex's house a troll in the end then?

tinkerbellesmuse · 15/11/2009 18:33

lunar - I think so, but maybe just me! Reported my concerns to MNHQ when this thread started. The style is just too similar to be coincidental IMO.

unfitmother · 15/11/2009 18:40

No! It can't be!

abbierhodes · 15/11/2009 18:45

Was Desolate a troll? Was she the one whose DH had gone away with another woman? I thought that was all a bit bizarre.

justaboutautumn · 15/11/2009 18:45

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TootaLaFruit · 15/11/2009 18:51

I agree with justaboutautumn. Especially on a thread where lots of people have felt very involved and interested in the story, hoping for a happy ending. Start your own troll-hunting thread if you must, but don't sully all the nice things that have been written prior to this.

Jacksmama · 15/11/2009 19:08

Gosh, I hope it isn't a troll. But even if it is - the advice given is still fab. I often feel a bit gutless when dealing with issues like this and really hate confrontation, and so many posters have given fantastic advice for how to develop a spine and use it .

thesecondcoming · 15/11/2009 19:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Kamikatze · 15/11/2009 19:21

Oh, dear. I did think it would sound too weird, but then weird things do tend to happen in my life. Also, it has happened a few times before, that a taxi has shown up without booking, but never a restaurant order. Like I've said before..(somewhere in this thread), if I told about all the funny/weird/outrageous things that Jane has come up with during these past two years...then Nobody would believe me.( There was the time with the rotten fish, for example..)
I'm sorry if I spoiled the thread by adding this last post, but I can't withdraw it and say I was joking.
I don't understand the comments about earlier posts, Landrovers etc, but would be glad if someone could point them out to me. I've noticed an undercurrent of mistrust on MN, and I'd love to know how it came to be. It's something to do with a journalist from the Daily Mail? Personally, I can't imagine why anyone would take the time and trouble to write about things untrue? I know there are weirdos everywhere, but wouldn't they be more obvious, posting about pervy things, etc?

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 15/11/2009 19:29

jane has been making mischief for 2 years.that does sound most odd or embellished.you need to keep diary,tell police about your 24months of mayhem

Original poster
Kamikatze · 15/11/2009 19:32

Not mischief, not mayhem, just bizarre antics during our so called friendship. Going to the police about being offered some smelly fish as a thank you gift, would probably have left the cops doubled up with laughter....

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 15/11/2009 19:35

i think your pants are on fire missy
this is over embellished who-haa

Original poster
Kamikatze · 15/11/2009 19:38

No pants on fire, built in sprinklers... : )

OP posts:
justaboutautumn · 15/11/2009 19:39

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Message withdrawn