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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

for resenting having to look after friends child

491 replies

Kamikatze · 03/11/2009 15:40

I'm an older mum with two kids at uni and my 7 yr old surprise dd still living at home (kind of obvious?) Anyway, I've been thru the hectic young mum years when I never seemed to find time to just smell the roses and am now enjoying every minute of being with my dd, just chilling.
When my dd first started school I was approached by a mum with a son same age as dd. I had not made any effort to socialise at the school gate, been there done that, except for of course slight chitchat and making play dates and so on. ANYWAY(will I ever get to the point?)
This other mum, Jane, decided to get a part time job cos she was bored at home. Her dh works 9 to 5 and is always home to bath kids, make dinner. My dh is often away on business trips and hardly ever home bfore dds bedtime. I'm used to it and these days, don't get uptight about it.
Jane has started calling me several times a week to ask me to pick up her kid and keep him at ours until she or her dh comes to pick him up. I don't work away from home so feel guilty to say no, but I resent having to look after her son so many times a week. I want to spend this time with my dd and no one else. I wouldn't say anything if my dd was happy with the situation but she isn't happy specially cos she's in the "boys are yukky" phase. I feel bad for resenting this child and overcompensate by being extra nice to him which leaves dd feeling jealous. Can anyone come up with an idea of how I can get out of this very one sided arrangement, or should I just accept it and say nothing? Maybe I'm just an old kvetcher and should hang my head in shame for getting pissed off about small things? Please advice!!

OP posts:
NotPosh · 09/11/2009 20:48

I just read the whole thread, wow!! Well done Kami! I have gone from completely fuming at Jane to cheering loudly for you!!

Try not to dwell on whats been said , its over now and she was a bitch for trying to turn it back on you after all you have done for her.

As one of the other posters quite rightly pointed out, she has shot herself in the foot by saying her DS does'nt like it, so you you can turn round and say on that basis, you are not doing it again, even as a one off, ever.

JJ · 09/11/2009 20:59

Yes, just to second/third/millionth what everyone has said - well done, Kami! Whoo hoo - I'm really, incredibly, impressed. Go you!

dilemma456 · 09/11/2009 21:13

Message withdrawn

Earthstar · 09/11/2009 21:22

Magnificent Kami, are you feeling good about it all?

jasper · 09/11/2009 22:13

very well done.

RedTartanLass · 09/11/2009 23:07

Bloody hell, what a loon. Congratulations to you Kami! It takes a thread like this to remember what mnet is all about. Go Kami!!!

KiwiKat · 09/11/2009 23:18

Hurrah! I'm so proud of you for getting this over and done with. She showed her true colours, silly woman. And by foolishly berating you, ensured that you have no sympathy for her at all, which means that you won't be having any 'guilt wobbles'. I'm astounded at what a nasty piece of work she is.

You and dd should celebrate your freedom by doing something really nice, whatever the hell you choose!

(And of course, report back to us if anything else happens, because we're a nosey caring bunch, and we like to know what happens next.)

glastocat · 09/11/2009 23:34

stands up and applauds

AmericanHag · 09/11/2009 23:52

Kamikatze, I've been enthralled by this story from the beginning. And I love LOVE how you broke free from that soul-sucking beast. What a self-entitled nutjob!

All those stupid and mean things she said to/about you? PROOF that she's just pitching a tantrum because you're not doing her bidding. She should have just fallen down on her back and started flailing her arms and legs right in the middle of the street. Would've looked better.

What will you do/say when you run into Jane in the future? I'd laugh at her every time I see her. But, I'm evil.

Again...GOOD FOR YOU!!

Jacksmama · 10/11/2009 03:13

Still applauding you...

StrawberriesandCherries · 10/11/2009 08:17

Well done! To keep your cool when she is acting like a spoiled child and hurling silly accusations at you takes a strong person.

It's amazing how people can fool themselves into believing they are doing YOU the favour when it is so totally the other way round never ceases to amaze me. She will learn eventually what a good friend you were and how by mistreating you she is the loser

flashharriet · 10/11/2009 09:26

Oh Kami, I'm so pleased for you - enjoy every free moment!

PercyPigPie · 10/11/2009 09:41

How are you Kami? Did you see her this morning?

belinda31 · 10/11/2009 09:55

Whoop whoop, go Kami. You must feel very relieved and very proud - and don't be nervous if you hear from Jane again, as is fully confirmed by the Mumsnetters, she is bonkers and her opinions are worth nought!

ElenorRigby · 10/11/2009 11:02

Cheeky ffing bitch, I'm a working mum and incredibly I dont use and take the piss out of good people.
Well done on standing up for yourself and your DD!

tasmaniandevilchaser · 10/11/2009 11:15

yay! I've been lurking and couldn't stop myself from reading the whole thread, nearly fell off my sofa at least 3 times with shock! This woman is absolutely unbelievable!! I am full of admiration for you, that was not an easy thing to stand up to her, she is a bully and totally deranged to boot. Updates please!

Kamikatze · 10/11/2009 11:25

I'm totally overwhelmed by the support of you mumsnetters, but I fear the the Jane saga will go on and on. I saw her this morning in a corner of the playground. She was talking to a new mum, a foreign lady whose grasp of English is very poor, and I can only guess what Jane was up to. Holy Moses.
I did feel a bit apprehensive this morning, but Jane didn't so much as glance at me. It'll be interesting to see who collects her DS this afternoon.......

OP posts:
clam · 10/11/2009 11:35

I think it just shows her for what she really is that she will not speak to you now you're not doing what she wants.

You're well out of it. Not so that poor new mum.

PheasantPlucker · 10/11/2009 11:37

I have been following this, and just wanted to say 'well done'

dilemma456 · 10/11/2009 11:42

Message withdrawn

TheCrackFox · 10/11/2009 11:53

Kami - she is on the hunt for her next victim. What a bitch. Actually i feel sorry for her son, her only criteria for choosing childcare for him seems to be the cost (or lack of).

pigletmania · 10/11/2009 12:15

Poor woman Kami, this praying mantis is obviously looking for a vulnerable victim. If you see this woman with that bitcheswomans ds it is in your public duty to have a little word with her imo. She is a freeloader and wants something for nothing.

pigletmania · 10/11/2009 12:17

please keep us posted on the Jane saga Have a little word with the foreighn lady not praying mantis unless you want another earfull

stuffitllllama · 10/11/2009 12:59

"She should have just fallen down on her back and started flailing her arms and legs right in the middle of the street."

American, I think this is really superb. Hope it helps Kami. It certainly helps me. Have recently been on the receiving end myself of ranting instead of gratitude when I stood up for myself. But this is the perfect metaphor it's exactly what it is a tantrum. You are acute.

Kamikatze · 10/11/2009 15:45

Coming out of school playground, I bumped in to Janes DH. He made a big show of talking to my DD and being "jolly". He's never done this before. I wonder if he thinks Jane has
behaved badly? Also, he never rang me to tell me off, highly unusual..And one of the other mums made a "call me" sign, so I suspect word has got around. But first I'm gonna take my DD to see UP and then we'll have a meal at a restaurant of her choice. This morning she asked me why "Johnnies mum" feels sorry for her. I'm so glad that Jane doesn't speak to me, if she did I think I'd only be able to hiss at her.

OP posts: