to think 12 hours too long to leave baby without checking them?

[westonsuperMARE]

Just back from holiday with my family and a friend and her family - we both have babies under a year.

Their baby a good sleeper - he goes to sleep at 7 and wakes up at 7 (yes I am v v v jealous!!!). Our baby also good sleeper - goes to sleep about 8, wakes up about 2, sleeps until about 6.30).

Anyway I was really surprised that the other couple don't check their lo between 7 and 7. We check ours every time we go to the loo - put head round door and listen for breath or see movement then go back downstairs - never wake him up doing so. Other couple thought we were excessive - but they don't check their baby for 12 hours unless crying comes through on monitor - what if something happened. She says what would happen and how could cot death or something be prevented - I say what if ill and breathing laboured or something - you'd pick it up quickly.

Basically they thought we were over top - I think they are being ridiculous.

But surely everyone checks their baby at least once in night - on way to bed or something?

I should add they've offered to do a babysitting swap with us so each month one half of each couple looks after the other's baby for a night so each couple gets night out - I don't want this if they are not going to check on our baby!

We didn't check DD often once she was down and she slept/slepps 12 hours at a time, but we had an Angel Care monitor which monitors breathing and sets off an alarm if there is no movement.

Surely you could just ask them to check on the baby and trust them to do it.

we didnt check on ds when he was that age but we had a monitor with a movement sensor that clicked everytime it picked up movement (breathing) and an alarm went off it didnt pick anything up for a certain amount of time, so that reassured us and made me feel safe.
without that i think i would have probably been like you and wanted to check on him.

Each to their own but I just couldn't go that long without checking a 1 year old! My two are 5 and 2 and I still check on them a couple of times a night, once to check they went to sleep and again before I go to bed.

If you are going to go ahead with the babysitting thing then you're going to have to make it clear that you'd be worried if they didn't check on your little one.

It could be that their baby is a very light sleeper I suppose and they just disturb him if they go into the room.

Why do you think they ought to check on their baby? I'm not sure I understand what they're checking for? Their baby has a clearly established sleep pattern of 12 hours. They go in if the baby cries or needs attention. What's the issue?

I always check on my DD's (19 months and 3 years, in same room) whenever I go upstairs at night and always before we go to sleep.

Just to check they are covered over, seem happy and not ill, probably for the same reasons as you, and also because I love seeing them sleeping (I have been known to just lie on their bedroom floor in the dark listening to them sleeping)

Saying that your friend is right though in a way just because they are ok when you check them doesn't mean they will be later in the night or 5 mintues after you walk out the door, there is only so much you can do to prevent things happening.

how old are said babies?
after 6m (when risk of cot death plummets) I was much less edgy

tbh I think checking every time you wee is excessive, esp if you normally feed him during the night anyway.
but if they babysit for you you can reasonably ask them to peek at him once or twice during the evening.

never had this problem - wish I had to think about whether to check on sleeping children
I agree with the OP that I do and would check when I go to the loo and before I go to bed, but don't think it's neglectful not to - maybe their DD would wake each time.

DS slept from 7pm until 7am from about 6/7 months. Once he was sleeping through the night like this we never checked on him throughout the night - I would have been too worried about disturbing him!
DD also sleeps through like this and though we never intentionally check on her she is still in our room so we can hear her shuffling about throughout the night.

just dont babysitting swap with them then, i think it's fine for a 1 yr old i wouldn't check mine every night either incase of disturbing him

What if you do not wake up at night to go to the loo? do you think they should set up thir alarm clock to go and check?

As the mother of 4 children who were all bad sleepers (DD4 still is at 3yo) The situation of your friends is my idea of paradise!

I am an uber over protective mama so I do check and when my boy was this age I checked every time I went upstairs so I cant imagine twelve hours BUT i dont think they are doing anything wrong - its just how I am.

It does seem a bit odd that they do not check on their baby when they go to bed. I always pop my head round and my boys are 4yrs and 8yrs. I am a saddo though.

I'm with you op!

I check mine on my way to bed, but if i wake in the night for any reason, I just couldn't go back to sleep without making sure they were all ok (I have 5 dc) I even sneak a peek at my 13 yr old ds1

YANBU - my 14 week old sleeps from 8-6 (smug emoticon), our baby monitor is fab and I can hear him breathing but I still pop my head round every hour or so during the evening - even just to check he hasn't shiffled round so much that he's hanging his arm out through the railings.

I just like looking at him when he's asleep to be honest and I hope that never changes - I'll be with you Cazboldy!

I'm sure they would check yours more often if they babysat though?

I would be terrified of disturbing mine and then being up all night!

But then, I have got a sensor mat too and I do find it extremely reassuring.

Each to his own really. I don't think they need to check their baby if they're happy with that but don't see a problem with you checking yours.

If they babysit, could you just ask them to check on your baby a couple of times - or would you worry that they wouldn't do it and effectively not have a relaxing night anyway?

Are you my friend ?!

We go on holiday/stay over with another couple and their dd quite often and they are the same as you - checking their dd all the time. Our dd is/was a really light sleeper and would wake up if the door was opened, so we never went in to her unless she cried.

"I just like looking at him when he's asleep to be honest"
I agree, and have major problems with the fact that when you're pregnant people tell you how awful it will be and how you'll never have any time to yourself etc etc but no-one ever says that you will spend hours watching a sleeping baby because you want to

YABU
I check mine once when I go to bed as he's in our room. When he is in his own room I imagine I'll do the same. He is also a solid sleeper.
The only reason I check him is for my own peace of mind - I know logically that he's fine. Other parents' anxiety levels are their own business - they aren't putting their child at risk by not checking him.

Some people are just very chilled - in reality the chance of you walking in the minute they have stopped breathing if they have a problem is very tiny - you would have to check on them every 10 minutes. Also the chance of something going wrong with a healthy baby is also very tiny. Having said that I couldn't believe my luck when I had my son and checked on him twice in a night at one year old before bed. I think I will always look in on him before I go to bed until he is a teenager and throws a pillow at me or goes to bed after me.
Not checking on your own child is one thing but having the responsibility of looking after someone else's is another. I'm sure like most people who babysit they will be up there at least twice to check on your baby.

Cazboldy, I think most parents do that, if they wake up at night, I did as well, but I never had a baby monitor in my bedroom so it made sense to do so. OP's friend do check in the sense that they have a baby monitor.

Now about ""- what if something happened. She says what would happen and how could cot death or something be prevented - I say what if ill and breathing laboured or something - you'd pick it up quickly.""

What if that happens in the time between when you last went to the loo and the time you woke up? The only way to "prevent" anything from happening would be to not sleep at all and check constantly, I am not sure it is a better idea.

I do not mean to be hard on you Op, but I think you are being a tad judgey. They are not going out to party for 12 hours leaving their baby alone, they are in the same house with a baby monitor.

At this age, our daughter would sleep form 6pm to 7am. We'd look in before we went to bed, Not to check her! but just to watch her sleeping, as she looks so sweet asleep.
She had a monitor, so we'd hear if she woke up. I think we were quite relaxed about the whole thing.

If their baby was ill then I'm sure they'd check during the night.

From what you've said in OP, I think really they know their own baby and if he's healthy then leave them to it.

If you ask them to check yours when they go to bed, I'm sure they will, though I do think the opportunity to get a night out on a regular basis is worth letting your baby go unchecked for one night if you baby is healthy at the time.

I don't think there is anything wrong with not checking them, but DS is 5 and both DH and I still go and tuck him in late at night if we are walking by his room. I can't resist a sneaky kiss of my sleeping little boy (so quiet and clean!).

Nothing wrong with either way, if however you are not comfortable with it then I would suggest you don't leave your baby with them overnight.