to think 12 hours too long to leave baby without checking them?

[westonsuperMARE]

Just back from holiday with my family and a friend and her family - we both have babies under a year.

Their baby a good sleeper - he goes to sleep at 7 and wakes up at 7 (yes I am v v v jealous!!!). Our baby also good sleeper - goes to sleep about 8, wakes up about 2, sleeps until about 6.30).

Anyway I was really surprised that the other couple don't check their lo between 7 and 7. We check ours every time we go to the loo - put head round door and listen for breath or see movement then go back downstairs - never wake him up doing so. Other couple thought we were excessive - but they don't check their baby for 12 hours unless crying comes through on monitor - what if something happened. She says what would happen and how could cot death or something be prevented - I say what if ill and breathing laboured or something - you'd pick it up quickly.

Basically they thought we were over top - I think they are being ridiculous.

But surely everyone checks their baby at least once in night - on way to bed or something?

my 9 month old sleeps goes up to her cot at 6pm and gets up at 6am, she is in our room still but we dont go up and check on her until we go to bed unless she cries, cant see the point!

Colditz comment reminded me of my experience with DD when she slept in our room. For the first 14 weeks of her life she yelled continually from 7:00 pm until 6:00am then on off during the day, the only time she shut up was when she had a boob in her mouth. DH and I were like zombies, ashen faced, dead eyed and praying for sleep. A miracle happened at 14 weeks, DH and I went to bed waiting for DD's screaming session to start, then the alarm went off - it was 6:30am and DD had been silent! DH and I were so exhausted that neither of us could summon the energy to panic and my first words were " Well if she's dead a few more minutes sleep won't make any difference!" Needless to say we peeped into her Moses Basket a few minutes later and she was fast asleep - no problems from then on.

I used a monitor for a while when my kids moved to their own rooms and checked up on them when I went to bed, that was it unless they cried. Now they are all in beds and can get out if they have a problem so I don't disturb them.

We always checked before turning in ourselves. My husband still does--the chidlren are 11 and 12.

When my son was six weeks old or so I woke up at 6am feeling drunk with sleep. I had slept since 11pm. Couldn't work out how he'd learned how to go without feeding all night.

It turned out the poor little thing had lost his voice with a cold and probably had yelled only I hadn't heard him--despite sleeping a foot or so away from him.

thank you all for messages - as some of you think yanbu and some think yabu I guess I'm not totally mad then.

Of course we don't wee that much! so checking each time we have a wee isn't that often!!

And you are right re babysitting - am sure they will check baby if we ask them to. Still - not sure I am ready yet.

Pretty sure I am not your friend Tillyscoutsmum - don't worry.
x

DD1 slept from 7pm until 7am from 4 months onwards. We moved her into her own room at that point, didn't use a monitor and didn't check on her during the night. Didn't realise anyone would be shocked

If babysitting another child though, I would check as often as the parents wanted me to.

i check my almost 15 year old (to check she's not gone out the window/on the internet) when we go up to bed.
I wouldn't check on the baby-she'd get up and that'd be any chances of sleep out the window for that night!

YANBU, I have just moved our ds (7mo) out of our room to his own room and I check on him everytime I wake up in the night. It just reassures me that all is well. I couldn't imagine going near his room and not checking on him, I do it during the day when he is napping as well. Ok maybe I'm a bit neurotic & pfb about it dh certainly thinks so! Couldn't imagine not checking him for 12 hrs (not that he would sleep that long ) I would miss him too much!

I still check on my youngest 2 when I go up to bed, they are 5 and 1.

If one of them is ill as my 5yo has just been, quite badly, I will have them in with me, or I will check them every hour or so.

YANBU at all, but neither are they, each to their own!

i don't have a monitor, and often left DD a full 12 hours or more once weaned (she was a very good sleeper) Ds, unfortunately, generally only makes it to the 10 hour point.

i hear if they yell.

YABU - what is the point in all this checking? do it if you want to, but don't criticise others for not bothering.

and why do we have to pop in as soon as they wake up? what good does that do? mine are both happy to play by themselves for a while after waking.

I nose in on them when I go to bed and at least 30% of the time I klutz it up and wake them up tripping in the dark.

Don't think 12 hours is too long - they have a monitor for a reason! If they didn't trust it why would they use it?

As soon as i noticed the children had formed a pattern i left them in peace, i wasnt risking disturbing them!!!

I think yabu to question them not checking there own child, however yanbu to wonder about your own, however i find myself and others are far more concerned for someone elses child, i checked my friends several times when mine would be left in peace!

I don't check on DS or DD unless they are ill, I know they haven't done a wee before going to bed, or I suddenly feel especially emotional about them (doesn't happen often).

I still check on my 10yr old before going to bed. Until very recently i would put my hand on his chest to feel him breathing too. I wonder what age I will stop checking on them.........probably not until they leave home tbh.

Yabu and perpetrating an irrational culture of fear that is not healthy for children.

I don't. Till he was 6 mths old he was in our room anyway, from 6 - 7 months he was waking up every 2 hrs until I did sleep training (controversial emoticon), then from 7 months he's slept 12 hrs straight. I did get into a habit at one point of checking him when I went to bed but I could never resist interfering a bit - straightening him out, tucking him in, etc - and although I rarely actually woke him up, I think I did disturb his sleeping pattern, because he started waking in the night again. Stopped going in to check on him and he sleeps straight through again. I've only been in to check on him since once when he had a temperature.

Nope, I never checked my son from 6 months old when he slept right through 7 til 7. We also didn't have a baby monitor either. If he was unwell however, we did check on him. As a general rule though, I didn't check him and still don't to this day and he is 2.6yo.

What is wrong with not checking them???? It's not that weird.

I agree with them. You are OTT. And even more OTT for thinking they are ridiculous. I don't check on ds2 , if he doesn't wake.

My children are VERY light sleepers!! When i go to bed I creep around and tip toe over the creaky boards, I dont flush the loo in the night either!
Their baby their choice no??

I think YABalittleU.

DC's go to bed at 7, sleep through til 7. I can hear any movement (wooden floors!) and crying etc so am perfectly content to leave them if they're all sleeping soundly.

However - I looked after a friend's daughter overnight recently and checked on her every couple of hours during the evening. Wasn't sure if she'd wake and cry or just sit being unhappy. She slept through too thankfully!

I had no idea that I was in the minority in NOT checking DS. even from a very young age. It just seemed the right thing to do - my main concern was that I didn't want to disturb him by checking on him. I still don't check on him unless he is unwell and needs to be re-settled into bed.

If they sleep right through for weeks and weeks without a problem I just don't understand why parents feel they still need to check on their DC?? You just have to enjoy the peace and quiet when you are getting it!

OP many parents feel secure knowing their DC are sound asleep and have no need to enter the room after that. IMHO it's unnecessary. I also feel that way about baby monitors but that's for another thread...

Mine are 4 6 and 8 and we check them when we go up to bed.

make sure they are in bed and not asleep on the floor or beanbag (DS1), check they are not about to fall out of bed and have the duvet on them (DD) and just to make sure they are breathing (DS1, DD & DS2).

I don't go in to check, I have a monitor with a camera