to think 12 hours too long to leave baby without checking them?

[westonsuperMARE]

Just back from holiday with my family and a friend and her family - we both have babies under a year.

Their baby a good sleeper - he goes to sleep at 7 and wakes up at 7 (yes I am v v v jealous!!!). Our baby also good sleeper - goes to sleep about 8, wakes up about 2, sleeps until about 6.30).

Anyway I was really surprised that the other couple don't check their lo between 7 and 7. We check ours every time we go to the loo - put head round door and listen for breath or see movement then go back downstairs - never wake him up doing so. Other couple thought we were excessive - but they don't check their baby for 12 hours unless crying comes through on monitor - what if something happened. She says what would happen and how could cot death or something be prevented - I say what if ill and breathing laboured or something - you'd pick it up quickly.

Basically they thought we were over top - I think they are being ridiculous.

But surely everyone checks their baby at least once in night - on way to bed or something?

Lordy.

If I "checked" on mine they would wake up.
I sometimes look to see if DS has kicked off his blankets, since he grew out of grobags. Plus he's cute.

I think YAB a little U, although not about them checking on yours if they sit for you. Ask them to check on yours. They haven't said they won't will they?

I'm a lot more cautious with other people's kiddlywinks.

YABU. they just have a different anxiety level to you and a better sleeper! good luck to them.

ours wasn't that great a sleeper, still isn't, very very light sleep, so if we go in to check she always flipping wakes even now at 2 1/2!

BUT we have a great monitor, not a movement one, but just a v v sensitive audio one which you can hear her breathing on, so must admit we did obsessively listen to her breathe all night when she was under 1 lol. just without going into the room. have recently switched to a vid monitor now she's a toddler in her own bed so we can check she's covered / asleep / not wearing her potty on her head etc, without having to go into her room which, of course, wakes her up. we even have to tiptoe past her door she sleeps so blooming lightly.

I'm a bit of a Shirley MacLaine and will prod my dcs to make sure they're still alive.

Still do and they are 10 and 4!

That will also be why we didn't get an undisturbed night until dd was 2.5yrs.

So YABU - it works for them.

I think you are right crankytwanky, they would probably check on a baby they are babysitting. They do not do it with their baby because they "know" him/her and the sleep patterns.

You should ask them and if they say they won't maybe ask someome else to helpif you are out overnight?

I can't see the difference between the 8hrs I'm asleep and the 12.I've never woken up in the night to go to the loo or anything so I wouldn't wake up to check them.
I look in on my 3 before I go to bed because I put blankets back on, but have forgotten/assumed dh has done it before now.
If they also have an alarm I think you're the odd one for worrying. It's not your business even if they don't have an alarm. If they babysit just specify can you check a couple of times please-no need to do more than that.
Have to say they are so so so lucky!

Each to their own.

I wander in and out of my kids' rooms all the time.

To put the ironing away (I switch the lights on for this and they don't wake up)
I tidy toys away after they are asleep
I go in to find sundry items needed for the next day at school
I check on them before bed
I go in to adjust the covers
Sometimes, if I feel like it, I go in and jump into bed with them, nothing like waking up with them.

Mine are 8, 5 and 2 btw.

lucky you! wanna swap?

YABU because all babies are different. If I checked on DS2 (17 months) I'd wake him up. We've learned to keep the door closed and trust that he will wake us when he wants us (he sleeps 7:30-6am on a good night).

I check on DS1 when I go to bed because he sleeps through it. It's lovely to watch him sleep!

Like allets, I am always in and out of Dc's rooms during the evening.
I then do a quick check before bed, to make sure they are still in bed and covered up.
I need to do this as on several occasions find dd in very odd places, like in bed with her brother or under her bed. she gets up to go to the toilet and has a bit of a wander

I have no Idea what they get up to when I am asleep and often find ds downstairs watching tv when I get up at 6 - Heaven knows what time he gets up sometimes

Oh god I never check on DS (he's almost 3) and it never occured to me to do so unless he was ill.
I feel awful now as it seems that its normal practice to stick head round door at least once.
I think my pregnancy hormones are going into overdrive because I genuinely feel gutted!!

Everytime you wee? yes a tad over the top imo. I only check DD once before bed and I will admit this is only a recent thing (DD is 3) a friend mentioned checking on her DC's before bed and I had an attack of amIashiteparentitus and began to do the same.

I always had the super sensitive monitor with me and I will admit to staring at that all evening like a bunny caught in headlights.

ABF see my post, you are not alone that is how I felt, I feel your pregnancy hormone pain too

We've always given them each a kiss and tucked them in again when we went up to bed, but not other than that unless they needed us.

With no3 we've only just started doing it, and he turned 3 in October. But he was such a bad sleeper, only started sleeping through at 18m, that we never dared risk disturbing him. We used the baby monitor instead. Soooo nice now to go in and give him a slittle stroke before I go to sleep myself

wouldnt check every time i go upstaits/for a wee etc

but would check all tucked in before i go to bed

either you trust your friend or you dont

if you ask them to check once/twice then sure they will

I still check on my seven and three year olds before I go to bed. I just look for visible signs of breathing or if not will gently put my hand on their chest to check for that rhythmic deep breathing .

However, I think YABU. When I saw your title I thought they don't check on them for twelve hours when they can't even hear the child. I don't think that all parents check for breathing (just the silly ones like me!) so you're being U to think that they're being somehow negligent with their ds.

They have a monitor, you're being ridiculous.

To quote the famous Tim Minchin's wife - "If he's asleep you'll wake him up, and if he's dead - well, there's nothing we can do about it!"

My DS was difficult to get to sleep till well past a year, so once he was asleep before I trained him to self settle, I wouldn't check him for fear of waking him and yes, I was up literally ALL night on a couple of occasions, which in fact prompted me to try CC, which worked a charm. He was about 14 months I think.

Since then, since he's learnt to fall sleep and self settle, he sleeps through. Almost nothing wakes him.... Even if I have to change a night nappy...

I pop my head round the door, check he's tucked in, give him a stroke and a cuddle. But now it's more that I want to see him, and not that he needs me to check him.

He'll be 4 in a little over a month's time, i go see him cos I want to see him... He's so cute and peaceful then!

I check both of mine each time I go upstairs. Now. Six months ago I didn't check on DS2 between putting him down and getting him up, because he woke up. My mum used to drive me mad checking on them and waking them up. But I understood she had to because she'd always checked on us. Now they sleep more soundly I love that last kiss before I go to bed. [soppy mum]

I feel like a terrible mother after reading this. My 2 are such light sleepers than any checks result in waking...and hours re-settling...so I never check now (though of course have a monitor)

I don't check on any of my 4 but I would do if babysitting someone else's as long as they had said it wouldn't wake them up. I think most people are more cautious with other people's children but it does seem a bit harsh to be judging your friend.
What do you check for ? If its to see if they are still breathing you'd have to do it every 90 seconds wouldn't you for it to be worth it ?

I never check on any of mine - never have done.

umm - prompted by this thread I just went to check on DD as she had slept for quite a while (about 30 mins more than normal)- and woke her up

i only check on my 16month old once about 2 hours after putting her to bed but no more after that, would hate to wake her up...

I had no idea anybody would check their baby like you do - ours has always politely called for our attention every 2-4 hours, with the exception being last night when he slept for 6 whole hours between night feeds (he's 8mo). I can see the appeal of watching your baby sleep, but DH and I rarely get that luxury.

I personally wouldn't want to leave DS with anybody other than parents/MIL at the moment. Each to their own. You need to decide for yourself whether you are happy to leave your baby with them.

I don't (and never have) checked on my 2yo DD unless she cries out for me.

But I would check someone else's baby if they asked me too - no brainer.

So I wouldn't feel too bad about doing the babysitting swap if I was you - just let them know that you would like baby checked every hour or so.

(Although I am assuming your baby goes unchecked for a longer spell when you are all fast asleep?)