to think 12 hours too long to leave baby without checking them?

[westonsuperMARE]

Just back from holiday with my family and a friend and her family - we both have babies under a year.

Their baby a good sleeper - he goes to sleep at 7 and wakes up at 7 (yes I am v v v jealous!!!). Our baby also good sleeper - goes to sleep about 8, wakes up about 2, sleeps until about 6.30).

Anyway I was really surprised that the other couple don't check their lo between 7 and 7. We check ours every time we go to the loo - put head round door and listen for breath or see movement then go back downstairs - never wake him up doing so. Other couple thought we were excessive - but they don't check their baby for 12 hours unless crying comes through on monitor - what if something happened. She says what would happen and how could cot death or something be prevented - I say what if ill and breathing laboured or something - you'd pick it up quickly.

Basically they thought we were over top - I think they are being ridiculous.

But surely everyone checks their baby at least once in night - on way to bed or something?

I don't think YABU in checking your baby as often as you like but I do think your friend has just reached a point were she is more relaxed and doesn't need to check and that is ok too.

Personally during the odd advert break or when I am on the way to the loo I go in and have sniff of DD's head. Nothing better than the smell of her sweaty little head

My DS (almost 10 months) has the babysense breathing and movement monitor and I still check on him when I go to the loo. Can't think why I was diagnosed with post-natal anxiety .

We have 2 DDs 3 and 1 and I never go into their rooms once they're in bed unless they cry (they would wake up) so I've never checked them.

I have worried (to the point of discussing it with DH!) before that should something awful happen (cot death/abduction etc etc) the "authorities" would think us neglectful because of it. Still don't check though - the thought of waking them fills me with dread!

Yabu. I don't check dd anymore between putting her to bed and getting up in the morning, unless she's been poorly and I want to check she's not too hot.

Do have a monitor still (upstairs, don't use it in the evenings), but can't use the breathing monitor anymore as she is an expert in finding the bits it doesn't reach!

YABU. Constant checking on a baby seems to me to be excessive. I used to check on my two only as I went to bed (unless they were ill of course). I had enough to stress about and didn't see the point in risking waking two young babes just to add to my worries.

I have come back to this thread, having woken up very early in the morning, thinking about it

Our dds have just turned 1 and 2. They go to bed at 7. I check on them before I go to bed around 10pm then not again until morning when they wake me up.

Would check on them before I went out as well if I was leaving them with a babysitter. (always family anyway)

I have most definitely stood over their cots and watched them sleep though- it's lovely.

Also OP I bet your friends would check on your dc if they were on overnight duty. You always check more on someone elses child ime.

I check both my girls atleast once a night, and they are 2 and 6. DD2 has been unwell and went downhill so much so that when dh went to check on her she was shaking everywhere, no idea was given over monitor
children can become ill quickly, so i always check. but each to their own.

oblomov - I couldn't agree more, there always seems to be a thread along these lines. Its either "should I leave my child alone in the bath ?", "should I leave my child in the car?" and even "should I let my children play out of my sight ?"
I'm happy to admit I do all these things within reason but if you admit it here you are very likely to be damned.
Let's live and let live shall we and accept our different approaches.

I do think YAB a bit U to be honest. DD has always been a good sleeper, going through the night from a very young age - not due to any 'sleep training' she just is that way. I very much doubt DC2 will be the same but we can but hope!

I check her before bed because I want to but not because I feel I should and actually think I kind of should. Agree with other posters who've said that we live in such a risk aware society and judging other people for having a relaxed attitude is really unhelpful. It just makes everyone live in fear that if something were to go wrong they'd feel responsible and therefore they should be checking their child every 10mins/20 mins/1 hr/5 hrs etc just in case disaster strikes. I think your friends are probably right that if something is going to happen the chances of parents being able to prevent it are very slim. Cot deaths are absolutely tragic and I can't imagine suffering in that way as a parent but being over-anxious won't prevent that happening

I'm a non-checker unless one of the DCs is poorly or I am overwhelmed by a need for a peek at the little cuties sleeping.
I also don't use baby monitors unless we are staying somewhere unfamiliar.

was discussing this topic with DH this morning before he went off to sleep (nightshift tonight) and he was saying that it's not necessary to do checking all the time, it's not healthy was his opinion. He also said that if a baby was to stop breathing who's to say you would get there in time to prevent it from happening (with or without a baby monitor). It would only be by lucky coincidence that you would pop your head in their door as they stopped breathing. It's a horrid culture we live in, where people are so over-anxious and it's not natural to be like that. I agree with oblomov it's very sad..

somethinganything good point there, if a baby is to die through cotdeath related illness there's not much you can do to prevent it. people feed into this anxiety though and it rubs off on the children later on. people need to just relax a bit.

I think Weston's friends were being a little careless because they were on holiday - from the sounds of it in a hotel. In that situation I would definitely check on ds regularly.

Otherwise I just pop my head in if I hear anything (it's usually the cat jumping, tbh, he can open closed doors the little tinker) or when I go to bed myself. Ds is 6 now though, am sure I checked more often when he was little - in fact we used a baby alarm until he was about three. But we live in townhouse and his bedroom's at the top, we'd never have heard him if he needed something without it.