to think people should offer some help to a person travelling alone with three children?

[emkana]

I finally lost it when I tried to get off the bus at the longstay car park, trying to stop ds from running off, trying to unfold the pushchair, poor dd (6), bless her, trying to lift out the suitcase for me - and a bus full of people was just sat there, watching us. So I said to dd, but really to people in general "would you believe it that people will just sit and watch a six year old trying to lift a suitcase" to which some w*er replied "well it's not my responsibility is it"

ffs

Surely the majority here have said they would help but that you were BU in the way you "asked" fir that help. That is hardly misanthropy is it??
Polite requests good, indignant and rude expectation not so.

YANBU to have hoped for some help. Unfortunately the above comment about milk of human kindness is all too true.

I always offer to help families with buggies/shopping etc, mainly cos I've been there in the past & was always SO grateful when anyone helped me.

My local station has 2 flights of stairs down to the platform (& no lift). There is a lady with a buggy/pushchair who arrives there on the train most mornings - I have helped her a few times, and have seen a bloke of about 30 give her a hand on several occasions - however often if I'm a bit late I see her having got to the top, obviously struggling, & no-one (in a crowded station full of fit, able bodied commuters) having offered a hand. Pretty crap really....when did we all become so selfish?!

As I said before, I didn't say what I said as a way of getting help, but as a way of releasing the frustration I felt at all the bloody idiots around me. They had already proven their "kindness" at the bus stop at the terminal when they all pushed past me and the kids to get on the bus first.

yes that's exactly what everyone has said,that you should stay in doors and never go out because women with children obviously shouldn't be out in public or ever be in need of assistance.
grow up. all everyone said was if you wanted help ask for it, don't make sarcky comments to people who may well be very happy to help you but who are not mind readers and so do not know how you'd react to them touching your child or bags.

I will call my widowed mother in Germany then and tell her that I won't be visiting her anymore, after all I have no business travelling alone with three children...

Many people don't like to ask. It takes a certain type of personality to be able to speak up like that.

Should people who are not confident enough/on the ball enough to publicly address busloads of people be left to struggle?

Why is it ignorant and rude to hope that when people see someone in difficulties they will help?

How about they used their voice then to say "Would you like some help?"

I was trying to stop ds, who has sn as Mavis has pointed out, from running out into the car park where he might well get run over. So I just couldn't smile sweetly to ask for help.

You know what people generally do on public transport.. they block out things so they can relax.

It is a fine art and necessary somewhere like London and the only way to get around in a state of calm normalcy.

It doesn't mean they are awful uncaring people, or wouldn't help someone if they knew they needed help. They just are in a state of 'distraction' (see walter benjamin).

of course you might have been in the country I do not know

emkana, people can be twats

i could have killed the woman this week who pushed and kept pushing my three year old as she desperately tried to keep hold of my hand as i struggled up the escalator on the tube with both her and her little brother in the buggy

as it happens i didnt say anything to her after iniatally asking her to wait before she started pushing dd as i was to busy trying to keep hold of both dd and the buggy and balance

i did say to dd that if something like that ever happened again she was allowed to scream as loud as she could and that it was the only time she was allowed to do so instead of trying to be brave and just having tears in her eyes

and before anyone says it was my fault for being there, i had a whole route planned that was much more accessible but got kicked of train after being stuck on it nearly an hour due to signal failures and had to use different lines and stations, as these things happen and not everything goes to plan

mayorquimby I remember on another thread you said that you would never offer your seat to anyone on the train, as if they want a seat they should ask you.

I say that not everyone has the sort of personality which means that they approach people and ask for help. People who are feeling vulnerable are often not in a confident enough frame of mind to start addressing strangers. Plus in our society it's not really done to talk to people you don't know.

I say that if a person sees another person struggling, they should offer to help.

I find it impossible to see how that can be the wrong approach.

But I THINK what Emkana was trying to say in a roundabout way was that although she wasn't "ENTITLED" to help per se we would hopefully live in a world where at least someone would offer help just merely otu of kindness to our fellow man be they tiny,elderly or disabled or in any way disadvantaged.OK maybe she voiced it and that is seen as a no no but I have privately thought what she said trying to juggle toddler and little one in wheelchair previously,or seen young able bodied people refuse to give up seats for elderly frail people with sticks in the past.I hink her post wa smore about socetal general selfishness than anything.

I dont wait to be asked - I ask if people would like help or very often just pile in and help

I agree that sarcasm often offends but it was very ignorant of the other passengers to ignore you

You need to ask. If I'm travelling without my own children, I'm lost in my own world. If someone broke into that and asked me to help I would, but otherwise I doubt I'd notice. I'd just be zoning out.

agree you need to ask

i travel with my 3dc to london on tube/trains/bus's etc

if i need help getting up step in tube etc i would ask -infact i did ask and 3 men came rushing over to help

you were sarky and people obv didnt want to help you

How ironic that she was on a courtesy coach. I have travelled quite a bit with young children in tow and have found that people tend to offer more help if you seem to be in control of the situaion than if you're coming across as a bit frazzled, which is very strange.

Having been on the receiving end of help, I would always offer, no matter how up-to-the- tonsils someone seemed.

Maybe the passengers who were already on the bus were afraid to step off to help in case it drove off.

"mayorquimby I remember on another thread you said that you would never offer your seat to anyone on the train, as if they want a seat they should ask you."

i'd be interested to see your link to that trhread as im fairl sure thatactually that's the complete opposite of what i said. i said i will always give up my seat to someone who needs it more than me,elderly people or women but that the one thing that would make me not give up my seat was if someone had gotten on the train who i hadn't noticed (for whatever reason reading/ipod etc) and dictated to me that i should give up my seat or made some sarcastic comment either to me or designed for the whole carraige rather than just asking politely in which case i would most certainly give up my seat when i became aware of someone who felt they needed a seat more than me.

math I think that is because when you are together you look happier, more approachable, probably more smiley. I suspect you look people in the eye more.

Whereas when not coping, you (well me anyway) probably look anxious, embarassed, with furrowed brow, possibly trying to fight back tears, probably not making eye contact, and people don't want to engage with people who look like that. Which I suppose is why they just often stare.

"How about they used their voice then to say "Would you like some help?""
and equally why not use yours to ask for help?you were happy enough to use it for something which had no practical value and achieved nothing , why not use it for something which might have bettered the situation and achieved your desired result i.e. getting some assistance.

You said that you would only give up your seat if asked. There was a woman who was pregnant who was huffing and puffing and it made you really angry so you definitely didn't give up your seat. People pointed out she may have been huffing and puffing because she was pregnant, but that didn't seem to cut any ice.

Would link but can't remember what name I was going under back then.

Because, as I said before, when I really needed help I was trying to stop my sn ds from running out into the car park. When I made the comment I had finally managed to get all three children plus luggage off the bus, and ds was strapped into pushchair, so I was then able to speak.

Assertive people have absolutely no understanding that others may not be able to be assertive.

There are many different personality types, the idea that "if you don't ask you don't get" is the only one which is deserving of assistance is sad.

If you see someone having difficulties, you should help. In any and all situations. And especially if you suspect that they are too shy/upset/anxious to get it together enough to start approaching strangers.

It is easy to see if someone is hoping for some help. You can see it on their face. Why not offer.

yes but you spoke to dd!
yabu

i certainly never said that i would only give up a seat if asked because that makes no sense. i give up seats all the time to people i think need them more than me,the elderly and women,so would have no reason to post that.
with regards to a huffing and puffing pregnant woman i honestly can't remember so can neither confirm nor deny the incident, if my memory is correct i was referring to the op and was saying what i would have done had i encoutered the situation described by them. but as i said i can't remember competely so can neither confirm nor deny the second part of your accusation. the first part i'd be confident of denying because i always give up my seat if i see someone who fits into the 3 groups i mentioned so don't know why i'd post something contrary to that.