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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think people should offer some help to a person travelling alone with three children?

339 replies

emkana · 01/11/2009 20:18

I finally lost it when I tried to get off the bus at the longstay car park, trying to stop ds from running off, trying to unfold the pushchair, poor dd (6), bless her, trying to lift out the suitcase for me - and a bus full of people was just sat there, watching us. So I said to dd, but really to people in general "would you believe it that people will just sit and watch a six year old trying to lift a suitcase" to which some w*er replied "well it's not my responsibility is it"

ffs

OP posts:
Original poster
emkana · 01/11/2009 23:47

Yes the point was to shame them, so that in the future they would hopefully help others who are struggling. Not that it would work, but hey.

OP posts:
AitchTwoToTangOh · 01/11/2009 23:48

lol, oh well, better luck next time.

Original poster
emkana · 01/11/2009 23:54

[sigh]

I genuinely thought that the only replies I would get would be along the lines of "good for you for saying something"

[sigh again]

OP posts:
Plonker · 01/11/2009 23:58

Maybe AIBU wasn't the best place to post then emkana?

Sorry you've had a shite day, tomorrow will be better

mathanxiety · 01/11/2009 23:59

YANBU, and also good for you for speaking up, because I think someone should have offered to help. No harm in reminding people they are not the only beings on the planet. I think it should have been very obvious that you could do with a hand. Maybe they'll take a bit of notice next time they're in a similar situation.

AitchTwoToTangOh · 02/11/2009 00:00

aye, tomorrow is another day and all that.

Original poster
emkana · 02/11/2009 00:01

It was yesterday actually and I had a lovely day today, ta very much. I am not upset, other than the fact that I don't understand what is wrong with people, unfortunately not only in the world outside but also on MN.

OP posts:
Doodleydoo · 02/11/2009 00:05

emkana - I think everyone that has not been so supportive would in the same situation been as sarky if not more than you, there are lots of sunday night judgy pants on because no one wants to go to work tomorrow I expect.

YANBU and good for you for saying something, am just suprised you even got a reponse from any of the bus travellers.

Another suprise is how it went from sarky comment on a bus to the appropriate amount of children and the age gap between them

AitchTwoToTangOh · 02/11/2009 00:05

i think you're mis-reading the thread, in that case. vast majority, it seems to me, would help out but wouldn't make pissy comments if they didn't receive help, that's all.

mathanxiety · 02/11/2009 00:11

Emkana, hope you will take your own sweet time to get all the children organised and get the luggage sorted in future, no matter how long it takes you. I have learned from experience not to let the presence of other people or their important schedules stop me from doing things in the most relaxed and calm a manner as I can muster. It is not up to you or me to help anyone else get to their destination on time. If others are not willing to offer help, then they can wait and wait and wait until I have got my heavy suitcase or whatever out of the doorway.

AitchTwoToTangOh · 02/11/2009 00:16

lol, ain't that the truth, math. in fact, this delaying tactic is often what prompts people to lend a hand.

Doodleydoo · 02/11/2009 00:18

I totally agree with the above, take as long as you can, then they can tut at you and then you can make the sarky comments

AitchTwoToTangOh · 02/11/2009 00:32

arf. 'well, you catching your plane isn't my responsibility is it?"

herjazz · 02/11/2009 00:40

I'd make a pissy comment if no helped me like OP

And have done in similar situations. When cross / flustered etc. YY there's better ways of handling it

Like NOT getting flustered and taking yr time like math says

Oh to offset my sometimes narky demeanour I do froth with thanks and plattutudes of kindness when someone does help me. And have the sort of pleading, kindly face that seems to attract help most of the time. I don't start off all mean scowly huffa puffa

As I reckon OP prolly was

herjazz · 02/11/2009 00:43

er that don't read like what I meant

WASN'T suggesting OP was mean scowly looking. Just that you got cross which I can empathise with (ie thinking you were prolly like me there)

RockinSockBunnies · 02/11/2009 00:56

I cannot believe some of the replies on this thread! Is our society now really so selfish and rude?

The comments about 'planning' children are ridiculous. What if the OP had triplets? Twins? Should she only take one child out at a time and leave the others somewhere, lest they were too much to cope with?

No wonder you made a sarcastic comment. I hope those on the bus were ashamed of themselves. Furthermore, I'm sure you haven't psychologically scarred your DCs by daring to make a snide remark to the tosser sat on the bus .

cory · 02/11/2009 07:42

I travel a lot with two disabled children, before that it was with one disabled child and a toddler

I find I always get help if I ask for it nicely

but sometimes I am struggling without it showing and sometimes I am actually doing fine and don't need help in a situation that many people might find beyond them.

Expecting other people to be mindreaders and then slagging them off has never worked for me. A polite 'oh please could you give me a hand' works much better than a pleading face ime.

TombliBoobs · 02/11/2009 08:06

Emkana, I think you have done well not to reply to some of the posts on this thread with a sarky comment

YANBU and some of the comments on this thread have shown just how some people are so self satisfied and insular. To be questioned over whether you should have 3 children, what ages they are and what a negative thing it is to have a helpful 6 year old DD , simply because you would would like other people to show the smallest amount of kindness is just

AlaskaNebraska · 02/11/2009 08:21

yes

they were rude
you were rude

net result?

GibbonInARibbon · 02/11/2009 08:37

I thought it's tonight the moon is full? Reading this thread could be mistaken, maybe it was last night

emkana - I would have wanted to make a comment too and if stressed enough I am sure I would have done. Some of the comments on this thread have been very harsh, pay no mind.

Bathsheba · 02/11/2009 08:47

I am PETRIFIED of flying - its something I do on a short haul basis but only if I have to...and when I do I go completely into my own little zone from the second I leave the house because I'm so phobic....and tbh I'd not have noticed you because I was so wrapped up in myself...its one of the rare times I'm very selfish.

tatt · 02/11/2009 08:49

not read all the thread but YANBU to have hoped for help - to expect it is BU.

I often hold the door for people with puschairs, I rarely get thanked for it. I will sometimes offer to help with a pushchair on stairs but half the time you are looked at as if you are a pervert and help is rudely refused. And if you touch a suitcase you'd be mistaken for a thief. So I don't help with a case without asking these days, daren't offer to carry a young child up/down a flight of stairs and that means I offer help less often.

Swedes2Turnips0 · 02/11/2009 08:55

I think you are being unreasonable actually.

I haven't read the whole thread. But you say you were at the longstay car park and therefore assume you were at the airport. Other people at the longstay car park are normally going on holiday too. Which means they will have their own suitcases, timetable and stresses involved in their own trips.

If you need help next time, take a friend along to help you at the airport.

MillyMollyMoo · 02/11/2009 08:59

YANBU - I've never read anything like it, I'm more shocked by the response on here than the prats on the bus tbh. Yes you snapped, who wouldn't.
We're all mums, everyone of us have been there struggling at some point.
It must be a full moon or someting because I'm sure MN isn't normally so full of shite.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 02/11/2009 09:04

Tatt really? People look at you as if you are a pervert if you offer to help with a buggy on stairs?

What a load of shite. I always always have people offer to help me with my pushchair if I'm on big flights of stairs. I'm always very grateful. Not once have I looked at someone as if they were a pervert . Do you really believe that parents are so paranoid? Or is it you who is paranoid?