to think people should offer some help to a person travelling alone with three children?

[emkana]

I finally lost it when I tried to get off the bus at the longstay car park, trying to stop ds from running off, trying to unfold the pushchair, poor dd (6), bless her, trying to lift out the suitcase for me - and a bus full of people was just sat there, watching us. So I said to dd, but really to people in general "would you believe it that people will just sit and watch a six year old trying to lift a suitcase" to which some w*er replied "well it's not my responsibility is it"

ffs

The guy who made the comment had (older) children with him.

I said lost it but as I said it was one comment in a fairly controlled voice, not exactly a terrible outburst.

And I really really really would like to know how you think it harmed dd to witness this?

Ultimately Emkana, it is your choice. I don't agree that children should be brought up seeing people respond to difficulty with anger. You do, and that is your choice.

I think it is anti-social, just like not helping people in need. But how you behave around your children is your choice, and your responsibility.

oh it wouldn't have harmed DD emkana, don't be baited love.

You had a stressed out day, so stop reading this

actually I think it is a bit rich saying people make this personal when there is nothing more personal and hurtful than saying I am in some way damaging my dd by the way I acted.

OMG at "I don't agree that children should be brought up seeing people respond to difficulty with anger. You do, and that is your choice."

That was a bit harsh.

And a bit of an extrapolation from this thread...

What a bizarre thread. emkana, of course YANBU. And on the wider point, I really think society as a whole suffers when helping out those in need ceases to be seen as a social obligation and starts being something that you may or may not choose to do, depending on a range of factors including whether the person in need asks nicely.

yes, milly, you are overthinking this on all sides

oh no, not you, you can take it personally, it's your thread. but i wouldn't take personally the fact that a bunch of travellers in transit didn't help you if you didn't ask, that's all.

well, some people do like thinking, pointy. it's been a mystifyingly popular thread (largely misread imo).

I never said that you were damaging your child. I said that it wasn't in your child's best interests.

It was IMPOSSIBLE for me to ask for help, as I've explained!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and I did NOT take it personally, it just made me doubt people in general!

Would you care to elaborate on that then MillyR? for some reason I thought so far that I, as the mother, know what's in my child's best interest.

yuh huh, so it was impossible to ask, so you didn't, so i don't really know why you got so cross about it. plus, like i say, with two of them on a bus i nobble people in the queue, no matter how fast they're moving. it is a pita travelling anywhere with kids.

bizarre thread. Why make a snide remark about the passengers rather than just ask if anyone would like to help?

I'm going to be bleedin' paranoid on buses now though. No more dreamworld. I shall be snatching cases out of people's hands in my eagerness to assist...

I got cross because on the planet I'm on people offer help without being asked when they see a person in need.

Edam, I couldn't ask for help because I was too preoccupied with looking after my three childrne.

Seriously emkana - bystander intervention I reckon. Psychological phenomenon. If there's been fewer people on the bus you'd have had more luck. Or something like that...

but you could make a snippy comment... i think edam has clarified my confusion here, i don't understant why you didn't just say 'could someone help me when we get off, i'm finding this all a bit tricky', rather than giving a busful of passengers a telling-off?

yy sorry hadn't read the whole thread. Sounds like a stressful situation. Don't think using dd to have a go at the other passengers was a particularly great idea. But we've all had days when we aren't at our finest...

did you try to catch anyone's eye as you were queueing?

Emkana, I really have to go to bed. Sorry.

I did say some things about why I didn't think it is a good idea at the start of the thread. My DC's would feel vulnerable on a long journey and if I were struggling on a bus and nobody came to help and I seemed cross it would make them feel vulnerable. As I said at the start, you can't control the behaviour of the mean passengers, so the only thing you can change is how you deal with those situations in the future.

I wouldn't bring my kids up to think that was right, but I could be in the wrong. My DS is extremely shy (as I have discussed in other threads) and it could be that I have caused that by me not bringing him up to assert himself in public situations.

It is ultimately a personal decision about the values we bring our children up with, and you have made the choice that you feel is right.

I don't accept that. I'm bloody proud of how I handled everything - this was the journey back, I had already done the journey out with no problems, but again without any help. I was calm and cheerful on the whole journey out and on the way back right up until that last moment, and as I said I explained to my dd's then that I was disappointed in people's lack of helpfulness and how I thought people should offer assistance to others in need. So what exactly will dd take away from this that is so terrible?

MillyR - fair enough.

I've never posted on MN before and I am totally shocked and dismayed at this thread.

I can't believe how critical, aggressive and unsympathetic some of the responses are.
To think that this is a website primarily
aimed at mothers and the posters are just HORRIBLE to the poor OP who obviously just had a bad day and needed to vent.

MillyR just sounds awful -hope I never meet her in real life. All those cool, critical snidy jibes, justifying her own smug superior over-calculated viewpoint. Get some perspective and have some HEART!

lol, and you are reading what you're writing? how do you know millyr hasn't had a bad day too? ridiculous.