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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think people should offer some help to a person travelling alone with three children?

339 replies

emkana · 01/11/2009 20:18

I finally lost it when I tried to get off the bus at the longstay car park, trying to stop ds from running off, trying to unfold the pushchair, poor dd (6), bless her, trying to lift out the suitcase for me - and a bus full of people was just sat there, watching us. So I said to dd, but really to people in general "would you believe it that people will just sit and watch a six year old trying to lift a suitcase" to which some w*er replied "well it's not my responsibility is it"

ffs

OP posts:

AitchTwoToTangOh · 02/11/2009 22:29

no, you are quite mad. i would never help you in a million years with that petulant attitude.

hazeyjane · 02/11/2009 22:29

I think that pretty much sums it up Imsonottelling!

ImSoNotTelling · 02/11/2009 22:30

Yes milly your point is made.

Emkana was a rude bitch for making a sarcy comment after an entire busload of people didn't offer to help her 6yo DD with heavy suitcases. She probably really upset them and ruined their day. What a thoughtless cow.

Original poster

emkana · 02/11/2009 22:30

Yes, but also:

Don't have too many children, and not too close together.

If you do have children think very carefully about venturing out, preferably don't do it at all.

OP posts:

TheFallenMadonna · 02/11/2009 22:30

Bystander Effect...

Original poster

emkana · 02/11/2009 22:32

lol imsonottelling

I feel thoroughly ashamed of myself, what a terrible person(or should I say breeder?) I am

OP posts:

AitchTwoToTangOh · 02/11/2009 22:32

tbh if you lot take everything so personally you must be a right draaaaaaaaaaaaaag to hang out with.

pointydogg · 02/11/2009 22:34

Lose the rage, peoples, lose the rage.

Fayrazzled · 02/11/2009 22:37

Pointydogg- but the Op's point is that she wasn't at the moment she needed the help in a position to ask for that help. And that stuff about it being London and being an airport is bollocks- if someone needs help they need help- it doesn't matter where you are.

Aitch- i think you're being offensive: "these shybods want it all their way"?? I think 'shybods' are more concerned with dealing with their shyness/anxiety than wanting it all their own way. It's a good job not everyone has lost sympathy for that "shy business" as you have- must be wonderful to be as calmly, assertive as you all the time. It's just such an unkind position to take to be so intolerant of those you perceive to be shy.

I'mSoNotTelling- I think you're aboslutely right when you say, " I suppose it is possible that many people are the reverse ie they always ask but never offer? Would make sense" as evidenced by this thread.

ImSoNotTelling · 02/11/2009 22:38

I'm not angry, stuff like this upsets me. If I had been emkana I woulnd't have made a sarcy comment, I would've simply burst into tears.

Not sure what being angry or not has to do with this TBH.

MillyR · 02/11/2009 22:39

My point actually was that the OP 'lost it' in front off her children, and then used her DD to make an angry remark.

I think that's wrong, although I admit that I have done similar things myself. But I don't blame other people for my inability to control my temper, and I have had far greater provocation than having to move a suitcase, as I am sure we all have.

AitchTwoToTangOh · 02/11/2009 22:39

jeeeesus, Fay, might i refer you to my earlier answer? what a bunch of huffy women you all are.

ImSoNotTelling · 02/11/2009 22:41

So you think that emkana was wrong to lose control of the situation in front of her children? None of us can guard against that though, surely?

Original poster

emkana · 02/11/2009 22:42

And what damage do you think I have done to my dd, MillyR?

OP posts:

pointydogg · 02/11/2009 22:43

I'm not going to get drawn into the minutiae of this but I have been on buses with children, shopping, buggies etc and I realised pretty much as soon as I sat down that it would be palaver to get off the bus. I'm not buying the inability to ask for help line.

And I've been in London a few times and I do find it an unfriednly place compared to where I live.

It annoys me greatly when no one offers a seat on a bus or offers assistance to someone in need. I've already said someone should have offered help to op.

But all this seething and snapping is uncalled for.

ImSoNotTelling · 02/11/2009 22:43

As usual I am making the mistake of continuing to post on a thread where most people are just having a debate for interest/fun, but I am far too emotionally involved.

I think I had better leave this now

Original poster

emkana · 02/11/2009 22:43

The way you're talking about what I said you'd think I'd been screaming obscenities at the top of my voice. Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeez, I made one remark in quite a controlled tone of voice!

OP posts:

Original poster

emkana · 02/11/2009 22:48

ds is 3.4, but only the size of an 18 month old, he can climb, run and walk mostly age-appropriately, but lacks risk-awareness and he has one hell of a temper. while the bus was driving I was fully taken up with making sure he stayed in his seat. Before getting onto the bus I could potentially have asked somebody in the queue, if they hadn't all been so busy to push past me and my kids to get on there first.

OP posts:

MillyR · 02/11/2009 22:48

I don't really understand what you mean by 'guard against it.'

After my husband became disabled, I became incredibly angry about other people's behaviour. I lost it in a major way in a shop and was very angry with an assistant and her manager. They were in the wrong, but my anger was about society in general, and they were just two people who contributed to the problem and I was wrong to get angry.

I got some advice on how to deal with anger. One of the first things I was told was that anger is often a result of the world not matching up to how we morally think it should be. We have to accept that we cannot change the whole of society by getting angry.

I think if you looked at a few web sites on anger management you would find that advice is given.

So, yes, you can guard against getting angry in front of your children, by working on your anger when you are not in a stressful situation.

Fayrazzled · 02/11/2009 22:48

Aitch- I don't think we're off because we don't agree with you...

pointydogg- I don't see the seething and snapping either.

MillyR- why do you care so much that the OP "lost it" (which she didn't BTW, in front of her children)- it's not relevant to the thread.

Anyway, I don't know why I'm so emotionally involved either. or perhaps it's just an ability to empathise with the OP's situation? [Lightbulb goes off]. I'm off to bed too.

AitchTwoToTangOh · 02/11/2009 22:50

fay, you're the one making it personal for some reason.

Original poster

emkana · 02/11/2009 22:53

MillyR, on the contrary I think it could be beneficial to my children to see that I disapprove of people's behaviour, after we got off the bus I talked to the dd's (the other one is 8) about how it is sad that people won't offer help and that they should. I don't see anything wrong in them seeing me get angry in that situation, it is only authentic.

OP posts:

AitchTwoToTangOh · 02/11/2009 22:55

and i think that em herself said that she 'lost it', btw fay. and was still sufficiently cross about it to be ffs-ing about it some hours later.
i do think that using a six year old to vent your frustration at your situation isn't brilliant, while at the same time being understandable, so i cna see what milly is saying. it does seem like some people are responding very personally to this thread, where in fact there isn't a huge amount of evidence that society is crumbling around our ears. most people have said they would help, and most have said that they receive help regularly, in fact.

MillyR · 02/11/2009 22:56

Fay, The OP said that she lost in her first post. That was her expression. The OP also said that she started the thread thinking people would congratulate her for saying something, so she clearly thought her remarks were relevant to the thread.

MillyR · 02/11/2009 22:57

Did anyone else on the bus have children with them?

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