to think people should offer some help to a person travelling alone with three children?

[emkana]

I finally lost it when I tried to get off the bus at the longstay car park, trying to stop ds from running off, trying to unfold the pushchair, poor dd (6), bless her, trying to lift out the suitcase for me - and a bus full of people was just sat there, watching us. So I said to dd, but really to people in general "would you believe it that people will just sit and watch a six year old trying to lift a suitcase" to which some w*er replied "well it's not my responsibility is it"

ffs

Jeeeeeez. How has this thread lasted so long?? No, perhaps you shouldn't expect help, but it's pretty sad you didn't get any and even worse some of the comments on here. My parents/DH/friends would always offer to help someone in need. Who gives a shit if the offer is turned down - at least you've asked. That's just good manners, isn't it? Honestly, sometimes MN just appears as a forum for a load of frustrated/bored people spoiling for a fight over just about anything. Emkana was struggling but she managed - obviously it would have been nice and polite and kind for someone to have helped her. Or perhaps these are qualities that it's no longer fashionable to have?

Of course someone should have helped you - I would have helped without being asked and my dh would certainly have helped (he actually disappeared while I was giving birth to translate for a woman in the next room after a frantic doctor came in looking for a German speaker!) I'm not surprised you felt the need to make a sarcastic comment - I would have probably said something much more strongly worded addressed directly to the other passengers on the bus. I can only hope that those posters who feel you brought the situation entirely on yourself one day find themselves in the situation of needing help and find none forthcoming. What is wrong with people?
ffs (as you so eloquently put it!)

I'm shocked that people aren't expected to help perhaps that is part of the problem, if we bought up our children so that if they see someone struggling their automatic reaction is to lend a hand maybe we wouldn't get these threads...

FGS! If people with perfectly functional eyes, ears, arms and legs see a woman struggling with 3 young DCs and yet cannot suitably engage any of the afore-mentioned physical attributes in order to offer HELP then, frankly it can only be for several reasons: 1. They cannot be arsed. 2. They have no manners. 3. Despite having all attributes they are unfortunately dim. 4.They have no common-sense (I make allowances for this one)

In which case they fully deserve sarcastic comments.

I speak as a person who had an escapee 2yr old on the tube platform at piccadily circus and had to leave my money and bags behind in order to run and catch him, whilst the people he ran pass blithely stood and watched.

IMO they are also the same class of people who bleat about how ill mannered the present generation of youngsters are.

Another shocked one here. Far from it being breeders having a sense of entitlement it just seems to me that having children it's accepted that you should expect major restriction on your movement.

Surely public transport is the very thing that should be designed for families with children.

I did travel alone quite alot when the dcs were smaller and can remember the stress and hassle it entailed. Some of hte time people helped sometimes they didn't and in times of extreme stress I have been known to make such a comment.

I think I used to be shocked because I have been brought up to help people, give up seat etc and couldn't believe those that could clearly see someone struggling and just turned the other cheek.

You can bet your bottom dollar that if men had babies that public transport would be designed to ensure a smoother passage and more family friendly.

Instead women with children who dare to enter the public space are generally viewed as second class citizens who have brought it all on themsleves. Actually is there any pressure group who represents them - no?

I actually think that we ought to get a bit more militant not by taking it out on individuals who won't help but by making voice heard with planners of public transport, airports etc

Unfortunately there is still a culture here of blaming the vulnerable and not enough thought as to how to make society a bit more inclusive.

Thank you to all the lovely MNers who have restored my faith in humanity (and Mumsnet!)

I've only just seen this thread and am utterly shocked and depressed by it. It totally highlights the breakdown in our society. How can anyone watch a parent struggle with young children and luggage getting off a bus and not offer to help is beyond me? But more so, how can people think it is not lousy that people did not offer to help? I'm outraged by some of the comments people have made to you.

Sarcastic comment or no, Emkana YANBU- someone should have offered assistance and it's a sad indictment of the way we live today, with our "look after number 1" attitude, that they didn't. Honestly, I'm speechless.

YANBU

Number of children not really relevant as even if you only have one baby/toddler, you often need help with pram etc
Airport staff are apparently not aloud to help lift anything due to health and safety(!) and cannot hold your baby either while you lift pram as they are not insured.

Quite shocked at this thread. Of course you should help!

i'm dazzled by the amount of reading stuff that isn't there on the thread.

agree totally with colditz, be smiley and nice and the world is nice back. it's a shame for emkana's dd that no one helped, and a surprise to me tbh, but perhaps airport buses just aren't the place to take the temperature of a nation.

however, i really loathe sarcasm, hate all that passive aggressive shite. if someone makes a comment like that i switch off immediately, all moral high ground having been lost imo.

i'd more likely just have asked for help while still in the queue. but like i say, i've always found people to be incredibly helpful and am a little at all the angry people on here who find themselves disappointed in the way the world treats them... could there be a connection?

YABU, why should they help you, if you cant cope alone or have the balls to ask for there help its your problem, fair enough complain if youd asked and been ignored but you hadnt.

And i agree with pp about approaching children, i have 2 and im scared of reactions of parents, some people are down right aggressive if you step forward even with your own kids in tow!

"why should they help you"

Because it's the decent, KIND thing to do.

"if you cant cope alone or have the balls to ask for there help its your problem"

To the contrary, if you you have to be politely embarrassed into help then YOU have a problem, most likely complete absence of commonsense and manners.

Where do you draw the line exactly? If you see someone's toddler running into the road are you going to wait until you're asked then? What if the struggling mum with DC drops one, or one runs off whilst you were graciously waiting "to be asked" ?

If we want the next generation of young adults and children to act more responsibly and kindly then we have to display it towards them ourselves.

hmm. on that note i once saved a child from choking to death on something or other in the park. his mum was actually not best pleased, the silly mare.

Aitch - NOOOOO!!!??????

true story. she dragged him away, chucked me a dirty look and didn't so much as say thank you. perhaps i should have made a sarcastic comment?

What has happened to human empathy? To watch a mum struggling with 3 children and heavy bags is appalling.

is anyone seriously disputing that, though?

Nobody is disputing it.

Most people are helpful, but everyday I see some people acting in a way that is less than perfect. If I made a sarcastic remark or 'lost it' every time I saw someone doing something that I did not approve of (or failed to do something), then getting angry is all I would ever do.

I do not believe that people have become less helpful, but I do believe they have lost their English sense of reserve, and feel that it is okay to get angry at strangers.

Judging by the comments on this post, people have become less helpful.

Well I'm not English so I had never had that reserve

equally, judging by the comments on this thread, people have become more angry.

Quite justifiably at times I would say.

Lots of people are disputing it. Saying that people should not expect help if they are in difficulties, that they should smile and ask for help if they need it, that otherwise it is perfectly understandable that no help is forthcoming.

Thing is when you're trying to cope with a difficult situation you are too busy watching the kids, trying to work out how you're going to deal with whatever the situation is etc to engage people. You haven't got enough spare eyes etc. Plus it's hard to smile broadly when you're nearly in tears.

How was ihatewinter supposed to ask people down the platform as her child legged it?

I think that this whole "don't expect any help unless you are a. the sort of person who is confident enough to ask and b. able to smile warmly thing is harsh. When things are going badly wrong those things are hard to do.

It seems on this thread that people who are confident and assertive have no comprehension that some (many) people just aren;t like that. Looking desperately down a tube train to try and spot who might help you, seeing them all ducking their gaze, some people are just not able to start going up to them and asking.

tbh the older i get the less sympathy i have for all that shy business. fair enough in a child, but if you're old enough to have kids, you're old enough to ask someone to help you out in a sticky moment.