To think my sister is selfish for choosing not to breast feed?

[IHateWinter]

She hasn't even had her baby yet but has already decided that she doesn't want to try it and if she does she'll only do it for a month at most.

I've told her that breast milk is healthier and gives the baby antibodies etc, but she won't listen to me. I gave her a baby book that explains why breast is best but she won't read that either.

What else can I say? I worry about my future neice. I understand that she many not want to carry on doing it for a long time, but I really do feel that if you have a baby you have the responsibility to try and give it the best start in life. I really feel she is more concerned about what her breasts will look like than her babies needs.

I'm suprised by how strongly I feel. I find myself avoiding her in case I end up saying something upsetting. Am I being unreasonable?

Oh, and before anyone says, I AM NOT A TROLL I am a regular poster who has name changed.

Its been said a million times before but giving formula increases risk of certain illnesses and disorders. Of course giving formula does not guarantee your baby to a life of ill health. Just like breastfeeding isnt going to lead to perfect health, especially if genetic risk is involved.

Babies who are BF for years will get asthma and allergies. The thing is you will never know how much worse it could have been without it. Most babies who have formula milk will thankfully be fine.

In life you will always get the health freak who has a heart attack at 40 and the chain smoking alcoholic obese person who lives to 101. Its about frequencies and risk.

Emma - all of it lol? The tens of thousands of papers . I would disagree that the evidence isnt that 'strong' - in some places it is a lot stronger than others. In other areas it is weaker or not really proven.

OP - as others have said I agree it is a selfish decision not to even try (providing there are no underlying health issues with her and the baby - psychological or physical). I fully understand however the reasons why mums stop. Of course it has no indication over her overall parenting though. I do wonder though why some mums wont even try (again excluding obvious cases). I think though YABU to push the issue.

IHateWinter - please will you answer my question and tell me how much say your sister has in the way your child/ren are fed/brought up.

Interestingly you nitpicked one phrase I used when I first posted that question, rather than answering the question itself.

Of course YANBU, it's very strange not to want to BF unless there are very very good reasons.

It's very strange not to realise that it's actually not very strange to not want to bf.

Is it strange that I'm getting confused now, herculese?

You can't parent for other people... much as you would love to give them all your experience.

But you could tell her that it helps to lose weight post baby

bellissima- what are nipple Nazis??

Riven- why wouldn't there be any point in saying anything to your sister? I genuinely don't understand. If close family members can't discuss this sort of thing, I think it is sad and maybe it actually contributed to the problem in the first place. (I am not talking about the OP, just generally). Of course, there are more and less effective ways of discussing things

Errr, I am confused because your sister says she is going to BF for a month. So, errr, YABU.

How do you know that she isn't just saying that because she's worried that it might not work out? If you'd asked me before DD was born, I was quite cagey about whether I was going to BF because I'd seen friends struggle and give up, so knew it wasn't that straightforward. Luckily, DD and I took to it and we're still going strong.

Support her in her decisions, and let things work out for themselves.

I'm sure you're right Riven- I don't know your sister Generally, though, I think it's fine for close family to make occasional constructive criticism (if it is meant well and put nicely).

WTF has this got to do with you? Just because you are an aunt you DO NOT have any parental rights or responsibilties. Your sister DOES NOT need to get your approval for her decision to FF. I feel so sorry for her if you think you have the right to make any sort of decision re your neice's life - YOU DO NOT.

Get on with your own life FFS you interfering, sad sad person.

I'm not gonna comment on the OP's question, but in the interests of adjusting the masses of mis-info on this thread, can I throw into the pot the research that it is, indeed, pregnancy that changes the breasts, and not bf, according to the research into this:

The Effect of Breastfeeding on Breast Aesthetics: Aesthetic Surgery Journal
Volume 28, Issue 5, September-October 2008, Pages 534-537 (it's on line)

I think we could do with more research into this - there are other papers and I have not found any that show it's bf, and not preg, but without huge numbers we cannot be 100 per cent sure. Individual experience varies hugely - my breasts are fine!

I don't think there are any papers which compare the health of ff babies whose mothers don't/didn't smoke with the health of bf babies who mothers do/did smoke, so anything dogmatic said here is opinion and conjecture. If a mother does smoke, then her baby will have some protection from the worst effects if she also bf, but that's not quite the same thing.

I choos enot to bf any of my dc and if anybody mentioned it they soon got sharp edge of my touge and would been told where to stick their idears

Gosh - does the widely-read 'Aesthetic Surgery Journal' also have some 'absolutely authoritative and guaranteed to contradict any personal experience' research on the relative effect of nose jobs and face lifts?? Remind me to look into this (when I ever have the money for the latter (sigh) ....

I breastfed both my kids for 4 months, I hated everything about it, no2 expecially was absolute torture. I only stuck it out because the theory was that it could protect them against excema and asthma which was in the family. No1 has excema and no2 has asthma so all that agony was for nothing. If your sister is lucky enough to not suffer she is bound to change her mind and if she isn't that lucky, would you force her into something she can't bear?

OP - why don't you try extolling the benefits of bfing to her, if she's a bit lazy and spoiled. Stuff like:

• she won't have to get up in the night to prepare bottles - just plop baby into bed, insert boob and fall back to sleep.

• she won't have to prepare bottles to take out. Just a pile of nappies and she's good to go all day without having to worry about getting home for a feed cos she didn't bring enough bottles

• how much money she'll save on not buying expensive formula

• how much easier it will be to lose weight

• how she won't have to faff about with bottles, teats, sterilisers, powder etc etc.

And going back to my comparison with smoking in pregnancy.... I wasn't trying to compare the actual health risks of ff-ing and smoking. I was comparing the mentality. How the mother is putting her own desires above the health of her child.

Sure we're all selfish in some ways. But when it comes to the actual physical health of our children, I would hope that would be the one time when we would put them first.

Again, this is not directed at those who have tried to bf and not succeeded for whatever reason. Just those who don't even care to entertain the notion.

Mind your own business, it is not your baby.

I think YABU as its not you business what your SISTER does with HER child.She may have personal reasons or health reasons that she doesn't want to disclose publicly why she chooses not to.Be supportive and positive not oppressive and negative!

Bellisima - well to be fair its not going to have a high IF is it because its such a specialised topic. The top pediatric / medical ones wouldnt be interested as it doesnt really matter / appeal to your average medical professional.

I think the effect on your breasts is down to lots of factors - for example, I could still do the pencil test, with a C/D cup after 15 months of breastfeeding. The rest of me however we shall not mention .

Anyway, most peoples breasts are going to droop / get saggy eventually arent they. Pregnancy and babies change things

Actually, just checked, its got one citation which is one more than your average paper

peppa - what I really object to, and I appreciate that it's not you who wrote it, is the 'in the interests of adjusting the masses of mis-info on here'. What 'mis-info' could the poster have meant other than the honest personal experiences of those who have reported? So what is the poster suggesting that we are? sorry but it comes close to being a personal attack.

And surely, MNers are a statistical sample, without the bias and issues of being a sample that has presented itself to aesthetic surgeons (okay, that could be coz we'd love to have loads done but haven't got the dosh, but you see what I mean!)

Riven the pencil test is where you put a pencil long ways under your boob without a bra on. If it stays there trapped by saggy boob you fail if it falls down you pass and have perky boobs.

I've been failing the pencil case test since I was about 13!

Riven - stick a pencil underneath your boobs and if it falls to the floor you pass lol - does that make sense? These days I have to push my shoulders very far back .

bellissima - I am now tempted to do a study on boob droopiness. Possibly needs some kind of longitudinal study...can you imagine the job spec for the research assistant