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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be totally f***ed off with DH as he is going away 3 days before DS operation !

86 replies

CaptainUnderpants · 29/10/2009 18:41

DS booked in for grommets reinsertion and adenoids out later in the year.

Need to be at hosital with him 7.45am , other DS needs to get to school , then usuual thing after op two adukts to pick DS up from hosiptal and have 2 adukts around for 24hrs after.

My DH now phones me to say he is going abroad 3 days before op , will be back after op and not to worry as there are solutions to have someone about etc - he suggested that eldest DS goes for a sleep over the night at someones house - yeah great before school day. I then reminded him that two adults needs to be at the hospital -to which he is stumped and said I'll sort it out dont worry !

I say to home right please phone your parents to see if they can come up - yeah yeah dont worry there are other solutions blah blah ! I'll do it at the weekend sometime ! NO YOU DO IT NOW !

He has really pissed me off anout this , in the end I have phoned his parents and they have agreed to come up .

AIBU to be fecked off with DH and is it too much to ask that he sorts it out with his parents ?

Postponing the op was not an option , we were very lucky and have only had to wait 6 weeks and DS is totally deaf in one ear and bunged up !

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 29/10/2009 18:45

you aren't unreasonable to be annoyed and to make him sort it out, but is it for work or something? did he have any control over going?

i have to admit i've never heard that 2 adult thing before, what do single parents do?

pointyhat · 29/10/2009 18:49

But two adults aren;t needed. I don't understand that part.

ThisPhantomPlopsPumpkins · 29/10/2009 18:49

Is it for work? If so, you need to cut him some slack!

Why do 2 of you have to be at hospital, sorry I've never done an op and don't know how it works!

Northernlurker · 29/10/2009 18:50

Where did you get the two adults thing from - that's surely nonsense?

violethill · 29/10/2009 18:51

My ds had this op and we were never told that two adults were needed. Just as well, as DH was working and I had to get grandparents over to look after my other kids.

Sound OTT to me.

PeedOffWithNits · 29/10/2009 18:51

I dont get the 2 adults thing either?

2shoescreepingthroughblood · 29/10/2009 18:51

you don't need 2 adults (ds has had grommets and his ear taken off)

Original poster

CaptainUnderpants · 29/10/2009 18:52

It is for work and his boss wanted the trip brough forward a few days - but Dh would not dare say hang on my son ios having anop - or make some arrangements before agreeing to the trip.

DS is having General anaethesic and hospital requires two adults in car on way home. (I suppose a taxi driver would count ! ) but it's not the point - I have another child at home to look after and have no family nearby to help.

I am just really pissed off that DH just seems to dump it all on me !

OP posts:

diddl · 29/10/2009 18:52

Well, if it´s for work then it probably can´t be helped, and if his parents are coming to help, surely that´s OK?

Not sure why you phoned when he said he would, unless he is reknowned for being unreliable.

Original poster

CaptainUnderpants · 29/10/2009 18:54

2 of us dont have to be at the hospital but I need to be there for 7.45am and I have another Ds to get to school .

OP posts:

TrickOrTreatersDragOnYourNoose · 29/10/2009 18:55

It's for work.

why did you phone his parents when he said he would??

Original poster

CaptainUnderpants · 29/10/2009 18:55

He is know for being unreliable ! Hence why i phoned them - it's always yeah I'll do it tomorrow - unless it's to do with work !

OP posts:

ThisPhantomPlopsPumpkins · 29/10/2009 18:55

I'm not entirely sure I see the problem here. DH has a work commitment, he said he'd sort something out, you took over before he got round to it and all is sorted! No problem.

pointyhat · 29/10/2009 18:55

I fully understand that you are worried and see it as an extra burden. It is not ideal. Fortunately grommet ops are very straightforward.

It can also be hard having to cope with workplace demands on your time that make you feel you are letting the family down.

Original poster

CaptainUnderpants · 29/10/2009 19:00

Ds has had grommets vefore so I knw it is straight forward and he was up and back at school the next day. this time it is likely that he is having his adeniods out aswell.

I now it is sorted but it is my Dh attitude that really annoys me - he can't be bothered to phone his parents tonight he is too busy going out on the piss !

By the way I have work committments as well and funnily enough manage to put my family first !

OP posts:

madamearcati · 29/10/2009 19:01

Don't understand your problem.His parents have stepped into the breach haven't they.
Don't understand all the 2 adult stuff ?

Original poster

CaptainUnderpants · 29/10/2009 19:06

His parents have steeped into the breach whihc is fine , and all is sorted - its my DH attitude to it all that has annoyed me , he has form for not getting things sorted and is unreliable .

I just think that he should have phone his parents before goin out on the piss !

I'll say it again - hospital requires two adults in car on way home after operation.

Last time DS went in for op they asked whether two adults would be available after op due to any effects of GA and the fact there were other children at home.

OP posts:

ThisPhantomPlopsPumpkins · 29/10/2009 19:08

You're very lucky to have a job that allows you to put your family commitments first! I know my DH doesn't have such an understanding employer, nor do many other people!

Have you spoken to him about his unreliability or do you just take over?

thisisyesterday · 29/10/2009 19:09

ok. well you did say in the original post that 2 adults were required at hospital, and then at home for 24 hours so i think we were just going on info we had!

anyway, adenoids is no biggy really, my brother and I both had it done as kids and it was fine

i think maybe this is deeper than just this, but this is the last straw?
if he is renownedfor doing stuff like this, not making arrangements, putting work in front of family commitments then i can see why this, the latest in a long line, could stress you out!

but in this very particular instance i think he hasnt' really done too much wrong tbh

herbietea · 29/10/2009 19:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

CaptainUnderpants · 29/10/2009 19:15

Yes I am lucky that I have I can put my family first before my job , hence why I am the main carer of the children.

He knows he is unreliable - known for it in his family - leopard and spots comes to mind - talking about it ends up in arguments. If I need something done I usually end up sorting out myself becuase I get fed up of waiting for him to do it. then when I do sort it he takes over !
DH knows the importance of the op , I knw he doesn't have much of a choice in the trip but he could have just picked up the phone and spoken to his parents before putimg gallons of beer down his neck ! Is that being unreasonable ?

OP posts:

Fibilou · 29/10/2009 19:17

I think it depends on whether the work trip had to be rescheduled or your DH just didn't put up a reason why he couldn't do it. I would be understanding with my DH if I knew he had done everything to try and get out of it but failed but fuming if he had just agreed with no thought to convenience.
I would, however, expect him to sort out alternative arrangements immediately, not go out on the piss. But then my DH has form for ignoring important things and dealing with the peripheral things

Original poster

CaptainUnderpants · 29/10/2009 19:19

I am not rearranging the op , we were very lucky in getting it so quick and Ds geraing is suffering . I would like to get it out of the way before the full onset of winter.

I am not making it up about two adults on way home in car - you lot are making me paranoid have just re read it in hospital notes

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 29/10/2009 19:19

when is the op? is it soon? i there a reason why he needed to phone his parents tonight?

i think the problem with keep doing thigns for him is he knows you will and he has no incentive to do it himself. sometimes you have to let him fuck it up!!!!

welshdeb · 29/10/2009 19:21

Is it one adult driving and another to check on your son? I suppose this is if he has a delayed reaction to ga or was unwell in thec ar and the only adult was driving it could be a problem

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