to be totally f***ed off with DH as he is going away 3 days before DS operation !

[CaptainUnderpants]

DS booked in for grommets reinsertion and adenoids out later in the year.

Need to be at hosital with him 7.45am , other DS needs to get to school , then usuual thing after op two adukts to pick DS up from hosiptal and have 2 adukts around for 24hrs after.

My DH now phones me to say he is going abroad 3 days before op , will be back after op and not to worry as there are solutions to have someone about etc - he suggested that eldest DS goes for a sleep over the night at someones house - yeah great before school day. I then reminded him that two adults needs to be at the hospital -to which he is stumped and said I'll sort it out dont worry !

I say to home right please phone your parents to see if they can come up - yeah yeah dont worry there are other solutions blah blah ! I'll do it at the weekend sometime ! NO YOU DO IT NOW !

He has really pissed me off anout this , in the end I have phoned his parents and they have agreed to come up .

AIBU to be fecked off with DH and is it too much to ask that he sorts it out with his parents ?

Postponing the op was not an option , we were very lucky and have only had to wait 6 weeks and DS is totally deaf in one ear and bunged up !

YANBU, OP

You have a husband there and so you should be able to expect him to help and support you in family matters. I can see why you are pissed off. I would be too, if, as you say, he doesn't seem to be giving his family the consideration he is giving his work.

I think you are over reacting if this is a work trip. The two adults thing will be a recommendation: it means that you need one in the back minding the child, which you can, because you are in a taxi (as opposed to child alone in the back and you driving).

Sometimes events take over: a sleepover on a school night -- well why not in an emergency. Why don't you ask if a friend can have your other for two nights on a strictly "non fun" basis, to give your convelescing child some quiet time.

I must say I think you are completely over reacting and not even sure why you need his parents.

I would be angry/annoyed that he hadn´t tried to change the work trip.

But I would have left it until after the weekend to phone if he hadn´t.

How did he ever organise his non-work life before you were together?

I think phoning when he said he would is really rude-perhaps that´s why he´s "unreliable"-he doesn´t actually get a chance to do things for himself!

It sounds very stressful for you, CaptainUnderpants- hope it all goes well.

At the same time, even my dh who works in the same town at a not-very-urgent job iyswim, still didn't get time off to take dd home after her op and stay at home because I have a younger child- I don't think they do at his job. It would just be assumed that you get a taxi or get a friend to drive you. I found a taxi was fine and solved all problems.

Though I will admit that I would have been stressed if dh had gone abroad at that time- I needed him nearby for moral support (being one of those people who get stressed out at the thought of my child going under a GA) and I would have found that very upsetting. I would have wanted him near enough to come home in the evening, even if I dealt with the practicalities.

What are all these jobs where you can't ask for time off if your child is having an op without getting the sack?

It's entirely understandable that you're stressed out by this and you've every reason to expect support from your dh. You obviously feel like you get dumped with everything and this is the last straw. I hope you can sit down and talk to him about this when you feel less angry and come to some resolution.

Hope everything goes ok with the op too.

Some people seem to have a strange idea of how flexible businesses can be. If my husband has to go away on business then he has to go away on business, end of story.
If there are grandparents available then I don't see the problem.
Do you want him to have a (usually lower paid) 9-5 m-f job or which there are very few these days?
Unless it's an emergency then staying in jobs which pay the bills have always been our priority.
Some people here seem to see jobs as an optional extra and there have been posts by women getting upset because their husbands wouldn't come home from work instantly because they were feeling upset about something.

If it's a small business, then they might lose a lot of money if the person who is needed to do a particular job is not available on the day. Dh's boss has been incredibly understanding, but the firm is struggling and may go bust- we can't afford for dh to take time off if there's an important job on that day (thereby risking his entire livelihood), unless for a real emergency. And to me, having to take a child in a taxi is not a real emergency.

I think what the OP was responding to was her DHs lack of apparent concern about the situation. Yes, sometimes work arrangements can't be changed.

I don't see a problem. He told you ages in advance and you have help. Unless you specifically agreed with him to book holiday around that date he wasn't to know that you were expecting it. I don't think I would want to waste holiday like that if I had ILs who could come and stay.

YANBU

My ds had an op last year. Work refused me the day off even though I was taking holiday and gave 6 weeks notice. No way was I going to let my son go into hospital without me. They did eventually agree.

I had an op when I was younger and did start vomiting on the way home with just my mumin the car- it was ok but i'm sure she would of managed better if someone was with her.

I sympathise over dh- i'm last in line behind golf, skiing, friends, music, the cat

That is awful mrseverton . Of course one parent needs to be there when a small child has an op (or even an older child for that matter).

But ime one adult is usually capable of working out the arrangements around it.