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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to eat the chicken MIL cooked for us?

116 replies

fedupintheoffice · 26/10/2009 14:18

DH, myself and our DC went to MIL and FIL's yesterday, as we do every week, only this time they offered last week to cook a Sunday dinner which we very gratefully accepted. Until a few months ago I was completely vegetarian for all of my lifehood, until I decided that I would like to eat meat, but strictly only free-range. As I have been with DH for over 20 years, PIL know all these. Even so, I asked DH to remind them last week when they phoned to invite us round, even offered to buy the meat ourselves as I am very aware how much more expensive free-range and organic can be.

So we went yesterday, meal was served, looked very yummy, I was tucking into my mash and veg, when MIL pipes up..."I already had the chicken in the freezer, it's not that fancy stuff you asked for, but it's all the same, isn't it?"...well I politely refused to eat the chicken, MIL told me I was ungrateful and when African kids are starving, I should be happy to have anything infront if me. DH stood up for me but I was really upset, although managed to stand my ground. WIBU?

P.S. I did eat the rest of the dinner, just not the meat.

OP posts:
colditz · 26/10/2009 14:20

You were really rude.

MatNanPlus · 26/10/2009 14:21

Your choice what you eat and her choice to disregard her guests choices.

She is who she is and i would make yourself a lovely scrummy FR chicken as they do taste better IMO.

alwayslookingforanswers · 26/10/2009 14:22

I think you were rude too - sorry.

ruddynorah · 26/10/2009 14:23

you should have just stayed veggie for the purposes of other people catering for you. then you can buy and cook your own free range meat in your own home.

TrillianSlasher · 26/10/2009 14:23

They know you have strong beliefs about this sort of thing, and you offered to buy the 'fancy stuff', so I think they were quite rude in ignoring you and just dishing up any old thing.

You didn't demand other food, just didn't eat the meat part of your meal, so I think you were fine.

alwayslookingforanswers · 26/10/2009 14:24

and I now only buy free range poultry as well - but wouldn't refuse to eat something that someone had prepared for me (or as was the case last month had filled my freezer with for me - all value stuff as well).

diddl · 26/10/2009 14:24

I also think you were rude.

To start eating meat, your choice, obviously, but then to demand FR.

TheBossofMe · 26/10/2009 14:24

I think you were pretty rude - if you don't want to eat non FR chickens, then behave like a vegetarian when eating at other people's houses - ie assume its non-FR, and avoid it. No need to make a big deal out of it. That's just bad manners.

TheProvincialLady · 26/10/2009 14:24

Well IMHO you are unreasonable to dictate to other people what kind of meat they should cook and serve in their own house, even if you do offer to buy it for them. If you don't want to eat meat that is not free range but have spent 30+ years being vegetarian, it makes a lot more sense if you just stay meat free whilst at other people's house unless you are prepared to put up with whatever they buy.

hercules1 · 26/10/2009 14:25

You were very rude imo.

Littlefish · 26/10/2009 14:25

I think you were/are being a rude.

At home, we always eat organic/free range food, but when we eat at others' houses, I woudn't dream of trying to dictate how or what they cook.

I agree with ruddynorah - you should simply stay vegetarian at other people's houses.

jumpyjan · 26/10/2009 14:26

In my opinion YABU - sorry.

I would be most offended if I was your MIL.

stepaway · 26/10/2009 14:26

not rude to go to someone's house as a vegetarian. but yes, it's rude to go to someone else's house and dictate what type of meat you would like to eat there. i'm with your MIL, sorry.

Littlefish · 26/10/2009 14:27

a

ILoveStripeySocks · 26/10/2009 14:27

I think you were BU and a wee bit rude to your hosts. They probably view FR as wasteful, and didnt want you to waste yor money on it when they had perfectly "good" (or their idea of)stuff in the freezer. You cant really dictate wat people serve.

colditz · 26/10/2009 14:29

Imagine this - I only eat Halal meat (just example) - but the person I am visiting doesn't agree with the way halal meat is raised and slaughtered.

I could get pissy and offer to buy Halal meat myself, but the thing is, it's rude to impose your food choices on people you are visiting.

So for that meal I would either say I wouldn't be eating any meat, or I would eat what was provided.

Some people really don't agree with the whole free range organic thing. I don't know why but it's their choice to make. But I wouldn't accept someone demanding a factory raised bird if what I had in the freezer was free range organic.

PartOfTheHumphreysGroup · 26/10/2009 14:29

YABU - fair enough (obviously!) to not eat meat because you are veggie, but to just not eat it because it's not FR is a bit OTT. It had already been bought and cooked without any influence from you so the fact that you didn't actually eat what was on your plate is not going to affect the supply / demand of non free range meat.

gerontius · 26/10/2009 14:30

I don't think you were rude at all.
You were considerate enough to offer to pay for the meat that you wanted to eat. And you reminded them. And you don't appear to have made a big fuss about it, just not eaten it.

alwayslookingforanswers · 26/10/2009 14:31

agree with those that say you should stay vegetarian out of the house if you want to be strict over it.

What if she hadn't told you that it was one she had in the freezer?

Original poster
fedupintheoffice · 26/10/2009 14:34

Thanks for your replies.

When I was vegetarian, MIL would always say (kind of jokingly) "oooh, i'm not having you round for dinner you fussy bugger, I wouldn't know what to do for you"...I would then reel of a long list of what I could eat, jecket potatoes, veg stew, ratatouille etc and she would then not invite us over even then and it used to upset me as BIL and his wife and kids went round every Saturday for dinner with no problems! I do like her and I think she likes me too.

OP posts:
Original poster
fedupintheoffice · 26/10/2009 14:36

and I even offered to take my own free-range chicken leg already cooked in a tupperware dish for myself but she said "no, no, don't worry, DIL".

OP posts:
VineGruesomeTits · 26/10/2009 14:37

I think you were rude not to eat it, you could have just shrugged it off and ate it (then next time tell them you have gone back to being veggie ) and i kind of agree with your mil on the issues of wasting food that has already been prepared for you, when there are people starving

If i were your mil i wouldnt bother cooking up a nice dinner for you again in a hurry

ruddynorah · 26/10/2009 14:37

well maybe you could have kept things simpler for her like suggesting a roast and you'd just have the veg for example. not a specifically veggie dish like veg stew that she prob has never made before. that would have done for the dinner you did have wouldn't it? you'd eat the mash and veg. they'd eat that plus the frozen chicken.

colditz · 26/10/2009 14:37

I think there are two issues here.

A - her perceived near triumph of getting you to eat food she wants you to eat - must be very irritating for you.

B - your shifting of the goalposts (in her eyes) - must be very irritating for her.

SimonHowl · 26/10/2009 14:37

you ponce