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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To refuse to eat the chicken MIL cooked for us?

116 replies

fedupintheoffice · 26/10/2009 14:18

DH, myself and our DC went to MIL and FIL's yesterday, as we do every week, only this time they offered last week to cook a Sunday dinner which we very gratefully accepted. Until a few months ago I was completely vegetarian for all of my lifehood, until I decided that I would like to eat meat, but strictly only free-range. As I have been with DH for over 20 years, PIL know all these. Even so, I asked DH to remind them last week when they phoned to invite us round, even offered to buy the meat ourselves as I am very aware how much more expensive free-range and organic can be.

So we went yesterday, meal was served, looked very yummy, I was tucking into my mash and veg, when MIL pipes up..."I already had the chicken in the freezer, it's not that fancy stuff you asked for, but it's all the same, isn't it?"...well I politely refused to eat the chicken, MIL told me I was ungrateful and when African kids are starving, I should be happy to have anything infront if me. DH stood up for me but I was really upset, although managed to stand my ground. WIBU?

P.S. I did eat the rest of the dinner, just not the meat.

OP posts:

VineGruesomeTits · 26/10/2009 15:00

I understand your principles on not eating non RF, but can't understand why that chicken would have made you puke, i think your just being precious and a bit childish now

alwayslookingforanswers · 26/10/2009 15:01

but what if she hadn't told you it wasn't FR? Bet you'd have eaten it no problems then

Original poster

fedupintheoffice · 26/10/2009 15:04

I didn't ask, morning paper, she told me! If she hadn't said nothing, I would've trusted her to respect my wishes 100% but good job she said something, I suppose.

WIth regards to letting my children eat non free range. I have had a (rather explosive) argument with DH who, perhaps rather correctly argued that since he is the one who goes out and buys the shopping, plus cooks for the DC and I do not, I should keep my opinions quiet unless I want to go fetch the shopping and cook for our DC.

OP posts:

Uriel · 26/10/2009 15:04

YANBU. Mil was a PITA and did it deliberately, IMO.

gagamama · 26/10/2009 15:05

YABU. She already had it in the freezer and was obviously going to eat it at some point anyway, what difference does it make whether she eats it or you do? No greater amount of chicken suffering has occured. I'd far rather eat a battery hen to avoid it going to waste than a free range one freshly killed because I'll 'only eat free range' ... seems like madness to me.

SCARYspicemonster · 26/10/2009 15:05

I would never dream of buying chicken that wasn't organic and free range and never order chicken when I'm out but if I'm round at someone's house, I eat what's put in front of me (unless I'm allergic to it). It's rude not to and if you care that much about caged animals, I don't get why you don't insist that all the meat served in your house isn't free range?

morningpaper · 26/10/2009 15:06

Did you check that the potatoes were not roasted in lard? Or that the gravy was not made from Bisto?

TBH I think if you are of the mindset that meat that is not free-range will make you puke, then you either need some sort of CBT or just need to let people know you are a vegetarian and go back to the stage where they didn't invite you to lunch at all.

GetOrfMoiLand · 26/10/2009 15:06

Just seen your reference that DH/DCs eat non-free range. I think that is a bit odd - I would think that if you had such strong opinions you would not let any of your household budget be spent on non-FR stuff. For instance I always buy free range eggs and would always insist that DP (if he does shopping) buy FR eggs. Would not have FR eggs for me and non-FR for him and DD.

Also, if you have said FR chicken for me, but DP and the kids will eat anything, you will be coming across as precious.

Heated · 26/10/2009 15:07

Am going against the general trend here.

Your MIL was deliberately served you something she knew you had moral objection to eating and then told you once she had you sat at her table. She put you in a really awkward position, one you could not 'win' either way, which imo ameliorates any perceived rudeness in not eating it.

Original poster

fedupintheoffice · 26/10/2009 15:07

Next time you are eating chicken, just think about where it really came from and google caged chickens and see what is it really like. Watch some videos and then think of them when your next meal consists of economy chicken. Then see if you feel like you want to vomit.

OP posts:

VineGruesomeTits · 26/10/2009 15:07

She didnt 'respect your wishes' so you refused to eat her food, you sound like spoilt brat

morningpaper · 26/10/2009 15:08

You can't find it that appalling if you are happy to have caged chicken meat in the house and watch your children tucking into it!

cornsilk · 26/10/2009 15:09

MIL behaved badly to serve food that she knew you wouldn't want to eat and then wait till you were sat eating to tell you.

cupcake123 · 26/10/2009 15:09

I think you are staggeringly ill mannered, and you take yourself hilariously seriously. I'd be surprised if your MIL actually was offended though - given that she's known you 20 years she's got to be used to it by now.

Original poster

fedupintheoffice · 26/10/2009 15:11

Thanks Heated, much appreciated.

I am feeling like I am some bossy madam ordering MIL what to cook for me, but at the time when DH reminded her on the phone, she was all "oh, it's fine, tell Irina (me!) that's no problem, we just can't wait to have you all over"

OP posts:

morningpaper · 26/10/2009 15:12

Why not start a NEW routine of cooking for your in-laws and sibling-in-laws once a month? Then it will be on your terms, but you won't be missing out so much on the communal eating experience. This seems like a good solution?

TheDevilEatsBabies · 26/10/2009 15:12

the points raised are very interesting: i agree with the poster who said that whether the organic choice is ehtics or religion shouldn't matter.

although i think you should have said you wouldn't eat any meat if you didn't get it yourself (because some people just don't think).

but i think you are NBU because your MIL knew the reasons and chose to ignore them.
and you sound like you were nice about it.

Original poster

fedupintheoffice · 26/10/2009 15:12

Thanks Heated, much appreciated.

OP posts:

Alibooobaandthe40phantoms · 26/10/2009 15:14

I think it's a bit odd that you and DH and the kids all eat seperate things, sounds like a lot of hassle!

TBH I think you were a bit rude. I always buy FR meat, for ethical as well as taste reasons, but there are times and places where you cannot dictate. If I go to a restaurant then I will choose one where I know I can eat FR, but if you go to someone else's house then you should just eat whatever is provided.
Wouldn't you be offended if you invited friends/family over for a meal and they wanted to bring their own version of whatever you were cooking because it wasn't up to their standards?

Original poster

fedupintheoffice · 26/10/2009 15:15

Morningpaper, I would adore for that to happen but boring DH won't agree to it

OP posts:

GetOrfMoiLand · 26/10/2009 15:15

OP - now you are being silly. You feel outraged at the thought of caged chicken to the point where you insist on being served FR at your MILs, yet a proportion of YOUR household budget is spent on apparently tortured chickens, thereby perpetuating an industry you so deplore.

Your reasonings are coming across as very immature and ill thought out.

morningpaper · 26/10/2009 15:16

Erm so your DH won't allow you to host dinner parties for your family and won't allow you to buy free-range chicken for your children despite the alternative making you want to puke? He is starting to sound like your main problem TBH.

Original poster

fedupintheoffice · 26/10/2009 15:17

Morningpaper, I would adore for that to happen but boring DH won't agree to it

OP posts:

nearlybeans · 26/10/2009 15:18

As a former vegetarian who took the sort of fairy-steps back to meat-eating that the OP is doing, I can appreciate that this feels like a really big deal to her, and would guess that she feels eating chicken at all is a fairly big concession right now. Some recognition of this from MIL would be nice.

However, whilst I am never thrilled to be served non-free range meat or poultry, I do eat it to be polite and quite often enjoy it . Asking the provenance of food anywhere other than a restaurant (and not always then,) is incredibly rude.

It is equally rude to serve your guests something you know will make them uncomfortable. What on earth would have been wrong with fish?

By the way, it might be better if you all sang from the same sheet on this - if you are happy for your dc's to eat factory-farmed meat at home, it really weakens your case.

alwayslookingforanswers · 26/10/2009 15:19

"Watch some videos and then think of them when your next meal consists of economy chicken. "

Yes I know what it's like - this is why I now only buy free range chicken for my family.

However, I did recently cook a whole value chicken, a pack of value wings, and a pack of value drumsticks (as well as use a big box of value eggs). Why?

Because someone had bought them for me, and it would have been a bloody great waste and extremely ungrateful to throw it all away when someone had spent their money making sure I had food in my freezer.

You know what - it didn't kill me, not as meaty, not such a nice taste, but we're all still here - and I didn't throw food away.

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