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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to eat the chicken MIL cooked for us?

116 replies

fedupintheoffice · 26/10/2009 14:18

DH, myself and our DC went to MIL and FIL's yesterday, as we do every week, only this time they offered last week to cook a Sunday dinner which we very gratefully accepted. Until a few months ago I was completely vegetarian for all of my lifehood, until I decided that I would like to eat meat, but strictly only free-range. As I have been with DH for over 20 years, PIL know all these. Even so, I asked DH to remind them last week when they phoned to invite us round, even offered to buy the meat ourselves as I am very aware how much more expensive free-range and organic can be.

So we went yesterday, meal was served, looked very yummy, I was tucking into my mash and veg, when MIL pipes up..."I already had the chicken in the freezer, it's not that fancy stuff you asked for, but it's all the same, isn't it?"...well I politely refused to eat the chicken, MIL told me I was ungrateful and when African kids are starving, I should be happy to have anything infront if me. DH stood up for me but I was really upset, although managed to stand my ground. WIBU?

P.S. I did eat the rest of the dinner, just not the meat.

OP posts:
CaptainNancy · 26/10/2009 14:37

Sounds like she did it on purpose tbh
Do you let your dc eat non-organic/free range meat?

colditz · 26/10/2009 14:38

I do kind of see your point. It is a bit controlling to insist someone only eats what YOU think is appropriate, and as you offered to bring your own chicken she was being a bit twatty not to take you up on it.

Original poster
fedupintheoffice · 26/10/2009 14:38

Thanks for your replies.

When I was vegetarian, MIL would always say (kind of jokingly) "oooh, i'm not having you round for dinner you fussy bugger, I wouldn't know what to do for you"...I would then reel of a long list of what I could eat, jecket potatoes, veg stew, ratatouille etc and she would then not invite us over even then and it used to upset me as BIL and his wife and kids went round every Saturday for dinner with no problems! I do like her and I think she likes me too.

OP posts:
Sassybeast · 26/10/2009 14:40

Oh I think YABU and a bit precious tbh.

alwayslookingforanswers · 26/10/2009 14:40

ooo interesting question Nancy.

Did you let your children eat the non-free range chicken?

Morloth · 26/10/2009 14:40

Well TBH you do sound like a bit of a pain to cater for.

ib · 26/10/2009 14:43

I agree with you. I think the halal example is back to front. If you had muslim guests, and they had said they would only eat halal, and they were happy to bring their own, it would be absolutely shocking to say you would get halal, then serve them non-halal and say 'I'ts all the same, isn't it?'

No it isn't. The fact that the op's beliefs on animal farming stem from ethics rather than religion should not make the slightest bit of difference.

Original poster
fedupintheoffice · 26/10/2009 14:43

I don't dictate to DH that he should eat free-range (and he chooses not to) which is fine, and as it's DH who cooks almost every night at home, DH gives the kids non F-R. Until they can choose for themselves, i'm not going to make DC do anything, although DS1 doesn't eat meat at all (his own choice made aged 14).

OP posts:
ruddynorah · 26/10/2009 14:43

thing is OP when you go to other people's houses you kind of have to suck it up. it's not everyday. i don't particularly like eating at MILs as it's all aspartame this that and the other cos of their diabetes, low fat crappy processed stuff, awful bargain stuff they've picked up at awful cheapo frozen food discounters. BUT, i politely eat the stuff. fwiw dd loves her fish pie, made with dolmio white sauce, smash, tinned salmon and a few frozen prawns.

Lavenderfleurs · 26/10/2009 14:43

Well I wouldn't have eaten it either but I wouldnt have made a big deal about it in the first place tbh, ie offering to bring my own. I just wouldn't have eaten it on the day and certainly not once I found out it was previously frozen and if that makes me a ponce then so be it.

Everyone else ate it didn't they OP? I can't imagine that you not eating your small portion would have made much of a difference to Developing World food shortages and I wouldn't have been upset about any comments either, but on these sort of matters I am of the "what you don't like, you can always lump" school of thought.

Baconsarnie · 26/10/2009 14:46

I can see both sides. It was wrong of your MIL to have served non-FR chicken when you'd expressly asked her not to, but at the same time, you might have come across a bit precious/superior demanding FR in the first place. And I know you offered to pay for it, but people generally don't want to take money off relatives when they're coming over for tea.

lou031205 · 26/10/2009 14:48

YABU. The chicken died. You should have eaten it with good grace. I know of vegetarians who have been served chickens by people who are very poor from other cultures, and wouldn't dream of mentioning that they are vegetarian, because those people made a huge sacrifice to serve chicken instead of beans and rice. Your MIL cooked for you. You should have been gracious.

OrmIrian · 26/10/2009 14:50

Yes.

alwayslookingforanswers · 26/10/2009 14:51

now you see as far as I' concerned - if I wouldn't eat something (on moral grounds - not like/dislike) then I wouldn't be letting my DC eat it.

It's kinds of like making it "one rule for them another rule for me". When they are old enough to decide for them selves then they can change if they want.

Lavender - you wouldn't want to eat here then - I buy all my meat for the week in advance and put it in the freezer........so therefore all my meat has been frozen before being cooked - yes even the free range, corn fed organic chickens.

OrmIrian · 26/10/2009 14:54

Good point lou. The poor beast had already been killed and cooked. A bit insulting maybe to turn your nose up at it's dead body because it wasn't exactly right.

BTW I agree with your general principles but I know a lot of older people who don't.

AbricotsSecs · 26/10/2009 14:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Lavenderfleurs · 26/10/2009 14:54

I know I am a bit precious about meat, I don't particularly like it and I have a bit of a phobia since getting food poisoning from an improperly reheated, previously frozen chilli con carne.

I just don't trust meat I am afraid!

CaptainNancy · 26/10/2009 14:55

I agree with the principle of organic/free-range meat tbh so I think YABU to let your DC eat non-fr/org Why is it good enough for you , but not them?

YANBU to eat what she cooked if she had already checked was okay with you, and then expressly not cooked it. Her meat was frozen, so there was no imperative to eat it up, and you even offered to provide the meat.

GetOrfMoiLand · 26/10/2009 14:56

I don't think either of you are any better or worse than the other - your MIL was a PITA by waiting until you were about to tuck in to announce that the chicken wasn't free range, and you were probably a PITA to demand FR in the first place.

To be honest if you normally get on with MIL I would drop this and just say to her how strongly you feel about animal ethics, and its probably best that you just have what everyone else is having when you go round for dinner in future (if you get invited again!), just minus the meat. There is no point about making a big fuss about this.

I think older people do sometimes think that being veggie/only liking organic and free range is a a whole lot of fuss about nothing, I wouldn't think she was being deliberately offensive by any means.

alwayslookingforanswers · 26/10/2009 14:56

I'd personally be more worried about a fresh chicken that had been left in the fridge for 4/5 days before being used instead of frozen and then defrosted when needed.

It keeps the meat nice and fresh you see......

morningpaper · 26/10/2009 14:56

I never buy myself non-free-range meat but I wouldn't dream of asking hosts where their meat came from! I think you were rude I'm afraid and unfortunately have probably buggered up your social life with your mother-in-law.

Original poster
fedupintheoffice · 26/10/2009 14:56

I know this sounds dramatic but I would rather eat my own arm than eat a caged animal of any sort. The very thought of eating that chicken made me want to be sick and if i'd have forced it down just for the sake of peace from MIL, there would've been vomit for certain.

OP posts:
CaptainNancy · 26/10/2009 14:56

x-posts with alfa
(I like your new acronym actually!)

alwayslookingforanswers · 26/10/2009 14:58

ahh - but you put it much better than I did Nancy .

Niecie · 26/10/2009 14:58

I think you have been a bit rude although I understand you were in a difficult position.

Sounds like it is partly a generation thing. My parents and perhaps your PIL didn't have FR and organic stuff when they were younger. I am sure that they probably don't get the argument that it is better because it was never one they have had to think about. As for your other choices, my my mother probably wouldn't even know what ratatouille was, let alone how to cook it and she wouldn't see veg stew or a jacket potato as suitable food for Sunday lunch.

I doubt you will be getting an invitation to eat there again whether you go back to being a veggie or not. Perhaps she thinks also that she isn't a restaurant and that everybody should eat the same thing or lump it and go without.

You aren't making life very easy for her. You don't have to I know but on the other hand you can't expect her to cater separately for you too.