to think that talking about yourself ALL THE TIME is blardy rude and blardy dull? (Warning: ranty)

[MonstrousMerryHenry]

I have now accepted that these days most people talk passionately about themselves and show next to no interest in other people. I can honestly say that when I meet new people, about 70% of them are perfectly happy to rabbit on about themselves until the cows come home and then when they stop they suddenly encounter brain paralysis which renders them unable to think of a single thing to ask me about myself. Happened just today to me and DH (with the same people at a small gathering).

On one occasion, about 5 mins into a convo, DH ended up saying to a bloke: 'Well, would you like to know what my name is?'. It's bizarre. We once invited neighbours over for lunch; DH and I asked them lots of questions about themselves, left lots of gaps for them to ask about ourselves, and found that they filled those gaps by going: . That was all they could manage. I kid you not. I am not exaggerating. They sat with us for 2 of the most painful hours of my life, talking about themselves and then sighing.

Were they socially inept, educationally limited, lacking in opportunities to develop themselves? No. These were people with degrees from Cambridge and lots of friends (I wonder why). Very chatty when the convo was focused on them. Couldn't even come up with 'so, how did you guys meet?' or 'what do you do for a living?'

When I was younger I used to fill the gaps by offering information about myself, but then decided 'let's see what happens if I wait for them to ask first.' And what happens? 9 times out of 10, they don't!

AIBU to think that it's a sign of good communication to show an interest in other people?

lol TspookyChasm!!

Actually do you know what's possibly even ruder and duller - my mum's speciality which is to talk endlessly about people you've never heard of.

"I had a letter from Kevin, his ex-wife's daughter was at the same university as you, she's a doctor now, she's just had twins, and she's married to Geoff who works at the same company as blah blah blah bhah blah..."

Me (in my head): "Who the hell is Kevin?"

DP (out loud): "Who the hell is Kevin?" (he can't stand it)

Another one is when there are three people standing together and two people don't include the other in the conversation.

YANBU

Now we can talk about ME and how much this sort of thing upsets me too and probably upsets me more than anyone else because I'm so special.

Whoever said that it's because of all the communication on Fakebook has it absolutely right. It seems that many people now think that having a conversation really means updating their status in real life. Another thing, we seem to have forgotten to be nice and those of us who haven't forgotten aren't credited with being polite and nice and having proper conversations with giving turns and everything.

Totally agree ChunkyKitKat (with both posts)

or the alternative, when it's obvious you are engaged in quite a deep conversation with someone and a third party just ploughs in and interrupts ... (this occurs more usually in work setting)

Also agree with SwottyBetty though that many of these 'social difficiencies' are forgiveable as long as someone is enthusiastic and warm ... can't bear it when people sit back and "wait to be entertained"

Showing my age now but we were taught that we had to "earn our dinner" if we accepted an invitation ....

No, I don't namechange - excpet for the seasonal changes (hence monstrous) which aren't really changes, more alterations - like a nominal nip and tuck every now and then.

Anyway congraaaaats! I'm just behind you at 14 weeks - so sorry you're feeling rubbish, though - could it be you're not consuming enough chocolate?

Swotty - wouldn't you rather a reciprocal convo than one in which one person rabbits on regardless of who else may or may not be around? It's not that these people aren't pleasant; they're just self-absorbed as well.

Chunky - hurrah! I'll be waiting to hear your results! It was weird the first time round, felt really uncomfortable, but then the more I realise that the other person was utterly incapable of saying something like 'so, what do you do?/ how do you know so-and-so?', etc - questions which are really not all that hard - the more it made me giggle and strengthen my resolve to keep my lip buttoned. I think it's easier with people who you know you're unlikely to meet again, tho. Good luck!

Chunky - yes! That's appalling! Even worse when they do it in another language!

I think I need to do seasonal changes too, I never get round to it. It's a bit late for a spooky one, will aim for christmas.

"could it be you're not consuming enough chocolate?"

Erm.... nope, it's not that

Well, they are very small. And hand-made, so they're actually good for you.

Hope it's nothing serious that's dogging you, and hope it clears up soon, whatever it is.

i met a bloke at a kids event the other day and put 2 adn 2 together and siad "are you sure we havent met before at x and ys house at a dinner party"

"no no" said he
then i saw hima dn his wife and he said to her " do you KNOW her?" (me) as she thinks we have met before

YES YOU IDIOT said his ( lovely) wife we have

she was so cross
and he was so

tee hee

I blame my lack of social grace on my mum - she never had friends round and barely spoke to anyone in the street. I have always been shy too, and sometimes just plain forget i should be asking certain things...

For example, lovely lady who lives next door brought my kids presents from her holiday, but even though i accepted with many thanks, i forgot to ask if she had a nice time

and i can't remember the details of previous conversations so i can't remember what i should ask about. Goldfish memory. [fish opening and closing mouth emoticon]

i have friend like cupcake - totally self obssessed and i generally find it amusing that she can talk about herself non stop for a whole evening when i see her.

she then askes me 1 token question - usually "how are x and y?" (my 2 kids) and i can see her mentally ticking off her duty to ask me one thing!!

exception was i recently lost my job through redundancy and she didnt ask me about it at all!!!! think she thought it would take attention off me for too long! was gobsmacked even for me and she is now an acquaintance rather than a friend.

I didn't forget to ask anything about you all - just thought i t was a bit too copying

Counting: "or the alternative, when it's obvious you are engaged in quite a deep conversation with someone and a third party just ploughs in and interrupts ... (this occurs more usually in work setting)" - yes, it's usually a superior who does this, isn't it? Because their time is SO important as they're in the middle of saving the world...of stationery products/ paint manufacturing/ teapot handle testing.

Also agree about waiting to be entertained - ugh! Who are these egotists?

I once attended a dinner party with a psychiatrist who had an ego bigger than a skyscraper. It was astonishing. He would actually sweep his eyes around the table to ensure everyone was paying attention as he spoke very loudly in an exaggeratedly pompous voice that made you want to dig out his eyeballs with the fishknives, 'regaling' us with yet another coma-inducing tale which we were all desperate to hear, obviously. Since then friends have told me that psychiatrists are notoriously egotistical.

my (official) best friend is like this. My DP finds it hilarious that I can be on the phone to her for an hour without saying more than two or three words. I can't get a word in edgeways! And anything you tell her she immediately comes back with how that relates to her. Drives me mad.

My Dad describes people as 'receivers' and 'transmitters'... sums a lot of people up very well I feel

I started a thread abit like this a few weeks ago. About a foreign mature student who was staying with us. She was with us for a month and NEVER ASKED US A SINGLE QUESTION!!! Every evening I would be polite "how was your day" or some such and she would tell me in great detail. Then silence until I asked her another question about herself that she would answer at length. Jawdroppingly rude. I got lots of responses to the effect of "poor thing she is shy you are too overbearing" to which I thought wtf no I am polite and normal and you are a socially inadequate freak.

With you all the way OP drives me mad.

I love ranty threads like this. Bozzle, your dad sounds very wise. Ask him if I can somehow stop being a receiver, I get so bored of listening to people talk about themselves and I'm too polite to say anything

I remember being at a beach bar in Brighton last year with DH and at the table next to us was a gang of hip twenty-somethings who were speaking VERY LOUDLY so everyone could hear how cool they were. We couldn't help over-hearing and soon we realised that none of them were listening to each other, they were just waiting for one person to finish talking so they could start their own monologue. DH and I tried and failed not to laugh

Ah yes, I love over-hearing those conversations where each person's contribution is only vaguely related, but they're each just pretty much talking to themselves
"I love Michael Jackson"
"Michael Buble is terrible. I saw him in concert once - worst night of my life"
"Yes, I loved Off The Wall. My favourite album ever".

at sweetnitanitro. I think MN was created for ranty threads.

Sometimes I find other people very intrusive with their questioning and reluctance to give any info back about themselves. Novelists are particularly grim like this ime

Wow, this thread is busy & discussions of the day too [impressed]. BUT, hang on, none of MINE have ever made DOTD, what about meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!

MMH what did I observe once I started to 'do' conversation properly? Um, everything. I'd been so wrapped up in my self-conscious little bubble that actually I wasn't really aware of much before

Also agree with countingthegreyghouls The reverse situation where the person puts on a martyred air of the only one making an effort is quite annoying

Am a serial namechanger too, like to keep RL and MN separate...Used to be various forms of MrsDanvers (& lots of others) but couldn't think how to halloweenify her

DH's family do that thing of separate soliloquys too except they don't take turns they sort of direct it all at you at once, it's all quite terrifying

ROFL at Sorciere. Interesting, too, your 'bubble' observations - I always assume that that's what people are like when they do this, but of course I don't really know until I step into their shoes.

Your DH's family sounds like a human tsunami - you must rely on prescriptions to get you through Xmas.

human tsunami! that's them exactly

prescriptions or alcohol, hmm, maybe both are needed. I will be suitably comatose