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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

naked toddlers showering at the public swimming pool

214 replies

Danthe4th · 19/10/2009 21:25

At our local swimming pool it is glass sided and the showers are in full few of the veiwing area, and the car park at a push.

I take my 4 year old for his swimming lessons on a wednesday morning, they also have the mums and tots class. I sit watching my sons class and the previous class are using the showers.

Why do mums strip their children off so they shower naked. I'm at the point when i'm going to say something, but do I say it to mum or management.Several children do this.

There are often workmen, strangers, dads whoever wondering about. I just don't think its necessary to strip children naked, why can mums not leave their costumes on.

I find myself scanning the area to see if anyone is looking, it just worries me.Am I being unreasonable.

OP posts:
SCARYspicemonster · 20/10/2009 14:56

Honestly MadameDigestive - I am in London in a very ethnically mixed area - this is a brand new pool and the only showers are open at the side of the pool. Basically all you can do is rinse the chlorine off. No washing possible. So I'm wondering if that is the point? Or not being able to shag in the shower?

MadameDigestive · 20/10/2009 15:02

ah, scary, are you danthe4th?

hm. Well it can't be Hackney!

I think on the whole yababitu. but understand your concerns. Why not bring it up with the pool management to find out their rationale? And the council? there might be a way in which they could modify the glass if enough people are vexed.

SCARYspicemonster · 20/10/2009 15:07

No I'm not! I think she's being hysterical and a bit of a nut about it but it may well be the same pool. I expect I'll be able to spot her - she'll be the one wrapping her children in full length towels as soon as they get out of the pool and hurrying them away

(only teasing OP)

The pool I'm thinking of is in Queens Park

MadameDigestive · 20/10/2009 15:10

oh its all so confusing!

Yes I also think its a bit ott. but I am surprised that there are no private showers. which is why I thought it a bit suspect. Still do actually..dum de dum...

MadameDigestive · 20/10/2009 15:11

I think I need to namechange back myself. Much as I am enjoying being a biscuit, I miss my name!

tearinghairout · 20/10/2009 15:24

Agree with Lovelymonster - understandable to be uncomfortable with showering in front of (fully dressed) strangers.

NadiaWadia, no, she's not neurotic, just a little unusual. She was brought up in a different era, I suppose (born in 1921). It comes from a sort of 'don't put it on display' attitude, that nakedness should be private. It seemed normal for me as a child, but now I just see making teddies wear pants as quaint.

As a grown-up I rebelled against it, and used to not worry about being naked in front of my dch eg after a bath, but now that they are teenagers and I'm a bit saggy, I do cover up!

SCARYspicemonster · 20/10/2009 15:29

Well if it is my pool, the showers are along a side wall and the viewing window is at one end. So it's not like people are right up close viewing you. And the carpark is on the other side of the pool. And not exactly overlooking. In fact I don't think you can see through the windows.

mrsDigestive - who did you used to be?? I am rubbish at spotting people.

Anyway - aren't we supposed to be talking about nekkid toddlers?

MadameDefarge · 20/10/2009 15:35

me!

argento · 20/10/2009 15:38

It's not about adults having more rights than children - it's children being lucky enough to be comfortable with their bodies. Teaching them that being naked is wrong because paedos might look at them is doing them no favours.

Lotster · 20/10/2009 15:56

At the end of the day OP, you can see from this debate lots of people have very different opinions! And if other people choose to strip their kids off it's not for others to judge as we are all different?

Equally, I think it would be fair to say you have every right not to strip your own toddler off for public showers, and even to suggest to the baths they make a private one to be made available to those wanting privacy for myriad (legal!) reasons.

Like many AIBU threads this isn't a black and white right/wrong. We are all different. My son goes streaking about the open air pool when I'm drying him off and it doesn't concern me.

crankytwaaaaaahhhhnky · 20/10/2009 16:57

"Eh? Did your friend get followed for a mile. What, swimming in the pool. Are you sure he wasn't just, like, lane swimming?"

gerrofmoiland only on MN could I find myself belly-loling whilst reading a heated debate about paedophillia etc!

piscesmoon · 20/10/2009 17:04

Picesmoon

Your post about the Islamic reasoning behind the burkha is ignorant to say the least. Any chance to slate Islam eh..

I made it quite clear that I was quoting a muslim woman. She was interviewed in the Times at the weekend.I happened to agree with her-I know muslim women that go about their normal jobs without even a hijab.

RubysReturn · 20/10/2009 17:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

desertgirl · 20/10/2009 17:41

Hesaysshesays, are you serious about going to the police because of the way someone looks? bearing in mind that unless a policeman is standing right there, you are reporting something that didn't harm anyone, on the basis of description only (assuming this is not a man you know) - I could be wrong; have been out of the UK for a while, but I would expect to be laughed at if I went to the police to report such a thing (and that is even with living in a Muslim country where you can be arrested for making obscene gestures etc).

Assuming the police do manage to figure out who you are complaining about, am also slightly perturbed at the suggestion that the police keep records of such comments - now obviously you are not going to know what information the police gather or store on you in the course of their prevention or detection of crime, but the idea that they would be keeping records of complaints about someone which indicate no crime, without the person concerned being told of the issue, is a little disturbing. There are, after all, men around who seem to look permanently lecherous; what sort of record would they be building up and who would then have access to that record?

piscesmoon · 20/10/2009 17:48

If perverts want to hang around swimming pools they are very sad people-I don't see why the rest of us need to amend our behaviour.

roneef · 20/10/2009 18:11

piscesmoon - I know you quoted a muslim person. I know many muslim women who don't wear hijab either. You implied that hijab is a cultural rather than religious concept.

I thought it was totally irrelevant as well as inaccurate.

But I'm glad you agree with her

HeSaysSheSays · 20/10/2009 18:56

desertgirl, Katiestar was certain their was no mistaking his look - that sounds pretty sure to me. She was in a shopping centre so there would be CCTV.

If one parent rings and says "some bloke in jeans did..." then, no, nothing will happen. If 5 parents ring and say "some bloke..." then they may decide to look at the CCTV. If they see anything they don't like they will try to see if the face matches any known offenders in the area.

If this happens more than once then they may try to identify the person regardless of previous offenders.

Yes police keep notes, an enhanced CRB check will say things like "suspected of gang invlovment" "repeatedly accused of inappropriate conduct around children, nothing proven" They are the police notes that are the point of an enhanced CRB sheck.

piscesmoon · 20/10/2009 19:05

I did think it was relevant, roneef,-the woman was saying that the men had no control over their sexual desires and therefore women had to be covered to save the men from their base natures! Those who want to cover toddlers are saying that paedophiles have no control and therefore they can't be allowed to see a naked DC.
I think that everyone is responsible for themselves, they can only control themselves and there is no need to change behaviour. It is like saying that a woman deserves to be raped if she wears a short skirt! Paedophiles are, unfortunately, a fact of life. There is no reason why the majority should have to change. Your toddler is safe with you.

Homebird8 · 20/10/2009 19:14

It must have been frightening for your friend to be followed but I'm not sure I follow what this has got to do with showering toddlers. If there was inappropriate adult behaviour then this is a manager issue (or a police one), if not then this is normal parenting and not something which should worry anyone.

roneef · 20/10/2009 19:26

Picesmoon

There was a good article in the paper the other day from a muslim woman, she said there was nothing religiously that meant that women needed to wear a burka-it was the fact that men needed to control 'their' women and a curl of hair or a flash of ankle could tempt a man who then couldn't be held responsible for his actions and it was all the woman's fault!

You compared this twatty 'theory' to not exposing a toddler in public.

Totally irrelevant but I appreciate your input about a religion you know nothing about. You read it in the times so it must be true

desertgirl · 20/10/2009 19:36

HSSS, it is still a facial expression. It doesn't hurt anyone. Why the flip should that end up on some poor chap's police record? it just feels uncomfortably like the thought police. 5 parents reporting that someone did something, fine; 5 parents reporting that someone 'looked' something - really?

I'm not denying that looks can be unnerving; have felt uncomfortable enough to take avoiding action in my time, but they just aren't criminal.

There is a big difference to me between even 'repeatedly accused of inappropriate conduct, nothing proven' and 'repeatedly accused of looking at someone wrongly' (ok, not quite phrased like that, just trying to make the point). Inappropriate conduct or involvement in a gang which itself carries out criminal offences are a step up from a pervy look, surely?

and how do they know 5 parents rang in if they don't keep notes of the first four??

Are you in the police, btw?

also - if you google holes drilled in swimming pool changing rooms, the first hit is on this thread - and there really isn't anything suggesting that it has been as common as you suggest. I certainly believe that it may have happened, but are you really sure it has ever been common??

piscesmoon · 20/10/2009 19:36

I don't think it was irrelevant- every person, sane-pervert-normal or whatever is responsible for themselves. People male, female, adult child are not responsible for leading them astray!
I am only quoting one woman's opinion, since she lived the life and was forced to cover up I think she was entitled to her opinion. She didn't like it and is now divorced. I am not making any statement about religion or discussing religion.I am talking about one woman's view-whether right or wrong-she is entitled to it, and she is entitled to voice it and I am entitled to say that I think it is relevant-I accept that you don't think it relevant roneef. It was in the Times so it was true in that it was that particular woman's view-it was in no way making a statement about whether it was a general view. Unfortunately I can't find it to make a link.
I think it very relevant because if I had a toddler I wouldn't want a paedophile looking at them but I am not going to keep them clothed because some sad pervert might be watching.

roneef · 20/10/2009 19:41

I agree with your opinions on the whole but still think it's offensive to use islamic practices in a derisory way to prove your points.

roneef · 20/10/2009 19:46

You are a bit cheeky to deny talking about religion.

You clearly said the lady said Hijaab was not an Islamic religious requirement and you agreed with her.

desertgirl · 20/10/2009 19:48

I know a young mum with two kids (a DD and a DS, maybe 5 and 3) who has them wear knickers while playing in the bath together (she is not British, btw). She doesn't want to get into the questions of who has what bits at this age. I am comfortable wandering around in front of my kids without clothes on (can be very useful having a small shower attendant) - others (usually without cellulite and varicose veins!!) are happy showing practically all they have on a public beach - we all have different boundaries; am not really sure that the potential for a third party's perverted looks (not actions) is enough to justify trying to change someone's boundaries, is it?