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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want a Honeymoon with no children?

167 replies

Fruitbatlings · 17/10/2009 11:26

We got married in September and are planning to go away at the end of Feb/beginning March.

We have two children. DS1 is 4yrs and DS2 is 7 months.

I am a Childminder, obviously working from home

DH works all day everyday in central London.

DH wants to bring the children with us
I don't

My argument is, much as I love spending time with our children (and the mindees) I am with our children 24/7.
My dream of a honeymoon is somewhere hot and tropical with no sounds of children, just me and DH for a whole week - peace and quiet!
I really feel like I am due a well deserved break.

DH's argument is, he never really gets to spend time with the children except on weekends.
He is suggesting somewhere like Turkey with a kids club

I've suggested we take 10 days off, go somewhere for a week with no children then take them to Disneyland Paris for 3 days.

He wants to take them to the beach.

I'm going to show this to DH, so how would you feel, if you were either of us? and what would you do?

OP posts:
3andahalfmonkeys · 19/10/2009 09:39

We got married in April and have just got back from Disneyland in Paris for a honeymoon/holiday with our 4 dc - we decided to take dc as they are very much part of our family and we couldnt afford holiday and honeymoon so opted for holiday for all instead. also not sure who would have been happy looking after 4dc - nobody offered anyway!!

OrangeFish · 19/10/2009 09:48

Well, well... I'm in a nit of a bad mood so don't pay much attention to me... but I would be tempted of going on Honey Moon on my own and leave him at home with the children to learn to be more responsible.

spookyrookie · 19/10/2009 09:49

Fruitbatlings I have totally changed my view now. Clearly if you took them on honeymoon you would be the one solely responsible for feeding, dressing and looking after. Still think DHs idea of him going away for a weekend with them is the winner so you can get some well deserved rest.

pithyslicker · 19/10/2009 09:52

If you don't like the way he behaves why did you marry him?

ChunkyMonkeysMum · 19/10/2009 11:15

OMG!! Poor you!!

I would be tempted to stay in today & let the kids make as much noise as they want

So, he's done this before? What a responsible parent!! I agreed with you before, but even more so now, especially the part about going away on your own. Why not have a girly "honeymoon" instead? Much more fun!!

turtle23 · 19/10/2009 11:32

Fruity-You are too kind to him, you know. If I were you I'd be choosing today to do singing and musical instruments with the kids.
Honeymoon defo without kids and looking more like without DH..:P
(Think he's lost the right to vote now)

Sassybeast · 19/10/2009 12:12

Best AIBU by stealth I've ever seen

p.s I'm JOKING - hope you punish him suitably and make him grovel.

Biobytes · 19/10/2009 12:25

"If you don't like the way he behaves why did you marry him?"

Obviously, she overlooked the fact that every man has written under his armpit how many times he will not return for the night after heavy drinking.

Blondeshavemorefun · 19/10/2009 12:39

so where was he last night till 7am this morning?

and not a text/call to let you know he was ok Xmas Shock

thats out of order - esp when you have dc to consider!!!

although i said have 2 holidays, one with him and one with children

i think you should have one - a girly one

and leave dh at home to look after your dc as he wants to spend time with them

Original poster
Fruitbatlings · 19/10/2009 13:02

"If you don't like the way he behaves why did you marry him?"

I'm wondering this myself.

Always an excuse isn't there....
In the early days - "oh he'll grow-up and change"

After first DC - "he'll realise he can't do it anymore now we have DS"

Trying for DS2 - Far too worried, obsessed and desperate about trying for DS2 (I have PCOS and we really struggled - perhaps someone was trying to tell me something )

Finally pregnant with DS2 - "Oh I'm pregnant, my hormones are getting the better of me, it's my fault he does it as I'm so miserable"

DS2 born, plus sorting out wedding - "Oh it's pre-wedding nerves, I don't really want to leave him

Post wedding - hmmm....perhaps I should have gone with my instinct 8.5 years ago after all

Turtle - you know the trouble I've had with him. Maybe it's his age, he's 28, I'm 30?
Although, I'm 100% certain he will never ever change now.
He was never taught responsibility growing up. He had a very care free upbringing.
In fact, it's what drew me to him in the first place - his laid back attitude - BIG MISTAKE!

So, a nice girly tropical holiday coming up then

OP posts:
Original poster
Fruitbatlings · 19/10/2009 13:03

I have no idea where he was, I don't really feel like talking to him right now

OP posts:
ChunkyMonkeysMum · 19/10/2009 13:31

Fruity - Do you think this is maybe his (rather immature) way of spiting you because you don't agree about the honeymoon??

In this day & age there is no excuse at all for not phoning home, most people have mobile phones, so even if his was playing up/dead he could have borrowed someone else's, or failing that used a payphone.

Have the kids been playing with their favourite noisy toys this morning?

Also, I think it must be about time you cleared out the cupboard with the saucepans in too!

Original poster
Fruitbatlings · 19/10/2009 13:37

haha, the children are all sound asleep right now.

I think I will use the afternoon productively by suggesting he goes to bed then, as you say, get all the musical instruments out - shame we don't have a drum kit.....

Pots, colanders and METAL spoons at the ready.

I wish he went to work. I can't even look at him. He keeps talking to me as if nothing has happened and asking me normal questions - I DON'T WANT TO SPEAK TO YOU YOU STUPID ARSEHOLE!
FARK OFF

OP posts:
Original poster
Fruitbatlings · 19/10/2009 13:39

I don't think he would have done it out of spite. Just did it because he felt like it. We weren't arguing about the honeymoon, talking rationally - everything was fine till now

OP posts:
Original poster
Fruitbatlings · 19/10/2009 13:49

sassybeast - I'm liking AIBU by stealth

Do you know what? I'm actually not that upset. It's happened so much that I'm beginning to think I really don't care what he does with his time anymore. I'm just angry because he let DS1 down . He seems to have forgotten because he was all over his dad this morning!

I just don't think I really care anymore. He can't hurt me anymore (unless he has an affair) I've cried and cried for him so much over the years. I just can't be bothered to get all upset again.
Just won't speak to him. Then I will tell him that I don't really care if he's out till 2am, 5am, 7am, 24 hours or even a week. I actually had a lovely weekend without him. Took the boys shopping on Sat and saw my friends on Sunday - no having to answer to him or worry that he's not spent time with us.

I think I'll start calling him DL from now on - Darling Lodger

OP posts:
Sassybeast · 19/10/2009 13:58

Ok - pondering some more. oObviously there are quite a lot of issues going on, but is there any chance, in his own perverse way, that he was trying to make a point that if 'you' thought it was ok to leave the kids, then he'd do it to in a 'See how YOU like it' sort of way ? Or is he not that clever.... It makes sense to me but I'm not sure that it will to anyone else

facebookaddict · 19/10/2009 14:00

It is AS important for your kids that you and your DH get time together as it is for you.

Happy Parents= Happy Kids and you need to continue to nuture your relationship with DH in order to protect the interests of your whole family.

I do think if finances allow doing both is the solution for this particular situation as DH obviously needs some time with them and you need time without!!!

Compromise but don't give up your chance for some time without even if that time has to be shorter and less exotic than you'd like.

Original poster
Fruitbatlings · 19/10/2009 14:00

definitely not that clever.....

OP posts:
facebookaddict · 19/10/2009 14:09

Oh I've just caught up....

have a honeymoon on your own love!!!! He wants the kids, you want a holiday.... everyone's a winner....

Original poster
Fruitbatlings · 19/10/2009 14:12

I doubt there was an ulterior motive tbh. Like I say, he's done it before and there has never been a row before he leaves.
He just did it because he's selfish and irresponsible. Probably had such a good time that he didn't want it to end so carried on.

They are all like it (him and his friends) one of his closest friends - the one who's wife had the baby disappeared with DH a few weeks ago. His wife was obviously heavily pregnant and she couldn't get hold of him.
At the time I said, imagine if you went into labour right now, he'd miss it all. She said "I'm hoping that'll happen, maybe he'll realise what a twat he's being and grow up"

Lo and behold, that is exactly what happened on Saturday. Her DH missed the whole birth
They are all a bunch of irresponsible children.

OP posts:
bronze · 19/10/2009 14:38

Its is not his age. I'm 28 and perfectly capable of being sensible and putting our children first. My DH can be a twat but not to that degree and at 28 he had 2 children.

I'll come on honeymoon with you

turtle23 · 19/10/2009 17:16

Oh Fruity. You know I have had the same trouble. My DL (love it...by the way) is upstairs packing the rest of his stuff forever. Make sure it gets sorted out now!

piscesmoon · 19/10/2009 17:36

I think you need time on your own-you do it your way!

SomeGuy · 19/10/2009 18:26

Turkey won't be an option late Feb/March.

Try the Caribbean/Bali.

Original poster
Fruitbatlings · 19/10/2009 19:26

I'd love Bali or the Caribbean. I'd also love Mauritius or the Seyshelles...

I haven't spoken to him yet. I wish he'd just disappear to be honest, at least until I've stewed for a bit but he's been here all fucking day. We live in a tiny flat so there's no getting away from him

OP posts:
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