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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want a Honeymoon with no children?

167 replies

Fruitbatlings · 17/10/2009 11:26

We got married in September and are planning to go away at the end of Feb/beginning March.

We have two children. DS1 is 4yrs and DS2 is 7 months.

I am a Childminder, obviously working from home

DH works all day everyday in central London.

DH wants to bring the children with us
I don't

My argument is, much as I love spending time with our children (and the mindees) I am with our children 24/7.
My dream of a honeymoon is somewhere hot and tropical with no sounds of children, just me and DH for a whole week - peace and quiet!
I really feel like I am due a well deserved break.

DH's argument is, he never really gets to spend time with the children except on weekends.
He is suggesting somewhere like Turkey with a kids club

I've suggested we take 10 days off, go somewhere for a week with no children then take them to Disneyland Paris for 3 days.

He wants to take them to the beach.

I'm going to show this to DH, so how would you feel, if you were either of us? and what would you do?

OP posts:
belgo · 17/10/2009 14:50

Because it will be taking her dh away from his children, that's why.

Rindercella · 17/10/2009 14:52

As has already been pointed out, the OP and her DH have already got married - they did so in September.

Personally, I would now be thinking about a family holiday rather than a honeymoon now.

ChunkyMonkeysMum · 17/10/2009 14:56

Oh FGS, I'm sure he's not going to become some kind of quivering wreck by spending a week away from his kids!! He doesn't spend much time with them as it is, so in all fairness, it would probably actually be harder for the OP to leave them seeing as she spends 24/7 with them.

However, she would quite like a break from her job of childminder and mother to enjoy a week spending time with her new husband, then spend time as a family for a few days when they get back. That's not selfish at all IMO. He is being selfish by not seeing her point of view. She has offered him a compromise which is more than he has done, so who really is the selfish one ?

Rindercella · 17/10/2009 15:01

Shock horror! What a selfish man the OP's DH must be. I mean, imagine a father actually wanting to spend time with his children!

If the situation were the other way round, and the mother wanted to go away as a family & the father wanted a holiday without the DC, I think the mother would be getting just about 100% support on here (there is always someone who wishes to be controversial).

Sassybeast · 17/10/2009 15:12

Nikki1978 - you think it abit 'odd' that a father wants to take his children on holiday ? I really HAVE heard it all now and I can HONESTLY say that I feel sorry for your children. And for you.

belgo · 17/10/2009 15:13

Well exactly Rindersella.

Has the OP come back to this thread?

ChunkyMonkeysMum · 17/10/2009 15:16

It's not a case of being controversial, I just happen to see where the OP is coming from.

I can't see how anyone can say that she is being selfish but her DF is not. Surely there's selfishness on both sides, but for different reasons. He doesn't spend much time with the kids, so wants to take them on honeymoon with them. She, on the other hand, is with them all day every day, so would rather spend her honeymoon just with her new husband.

She has offered him a compromise which IMO is a very fair one. He doesn't want to compromise. That makes him more selfish than her surely?

Just because I don't agree with you, does not mean I want to be controversial. In fact, I am the one agreeing with the OP, so surely anyone disagreeing is being controversial?! (I thought that's what AIBU was all about anyway!)

Some posters have been very quick to tell her she is being unreasonable, so I just wanted to let her & others know the reasons why I think she is not.

JustAnotherManicMummy · 17/10/2009 15:19

I agree with the posters who say a honeymoon should just be the two of you. Perhaps you should have a long weekend as your honeymoon somewhere fabulous in the UK (cut down on shagging travelling time) like Babbington House, and then go away somewhere with all of you?

I think it is really important you get to spend some time alone together and if your children are with people they know and love and it's just a few days I don't see the harm.

slushy06 · 17/10/2009 15:21

Although op IMO Disney def wins over the beach beaches are boring after a few days for kids and no comparison to Disney. When I was a kid I would have much preferred a weekend in Disney to a week in turkey.

But then I hate the beach I have thought over this and think surely you are making up to the kids with the weekend would he be happy if you offered to extend the kids holiday so it is the same length of time as your honeymoon.

JustAnotherManicMummy · 17/10/2009 15:24

I have to say I agree with ChunkyMonkeysMum. Although I should add OP YABVVU to want to go to Disneyland Paris. Yuk

Take the kids to the beach somewhere for a week and hole up somewhere just the two of you for a long weekend. You could easily get to Paris if you fancy something a bit more cosmopolitan than UK and if you upgrade to lesiure select you could even enjoy the journey

Hando · 17/10/2009 15:24

Also. I hate kids clubs! I'd much rather leave my dd at home having funa nd being spoilt by my mum than take her on holiday to dump her with starngers who are "often" unqualified, underpaid, non English speaking and left in a club "house" whilst I had the relaxing holiday I wanted. In fact I couldn't relax if dd were dumped in a kids club.

pranma · 17/10/2009 15:44

Why not do it the other way round?10 days family holiday and a long weekend just the 2 of you.Its not as if you havent been together for years and its not straight after the wedding either.7months is very young to be away from you for 10days.I'm surprised you feel able to do it.

BiteOfFun · 17/10/2009 15:47

I remember telling a family friend that my mum had offered to look after my baby for a whole weekend once, and she laughed and said "Ooh, I can imagine what your reply was- two words, and the second one was 'Off', eh?"

"Too right," I said. "The first word being 'I'm'!"

People have very different feelings about leaving their small children- I was obviously one of those terrible mothers that welcomed the break...

OrmIrian · 17/10/2009 15:50

I would feel like you. But a few year ago when mine were smaller I'd have felt like your DH - in fact guilt would make me feel like him now I don't see much of my DC and life is so fraught we don't get much time together.

But being 100% honest, I'd feel like you.

girlywhirly · 17/10/2009 16:28

What would happen if your children hated the kids clubs and wanted to stay with you all the time? Or if one of you needed to stay with the youngest in the kids club because they will not take unaccompanied under 2's? I don't know about every travel company's kids clubs, I'm just saying what if?

I personally wouldn't take such young children to Disneyland Paris because they won't remember it and most of the rides will be unsuitable.

However, I do feel that mums and dads need some grown-up time without children, as people in their own right, have a bit of peace to read or sleep, and do things like theatre, dinner in posh restaurants, spa etc. Even just to talk without interruption. So a weekend luxury break for you both to do grown-up things soon, and a family holiday when you can.

Rindercella · 17/10/2009 16:33

Chunky, sorry, I don't think I explained myself very well. I didn't mean for a moment that your opinion on this was controversial. What I meant was, if the situation was turned and it was the mother wishing to go on holiday with her children & the father was wishing just to go as a couple, then the vast majority of us would back the mother.

All I meant by someone being controversial, was that in that scenario even though the vast majority of us would doubtless agree, there would be one person who would agree with the father's pov. I don't think I have read a single AIBU thread where everyone was in agreement

piscesmoon · 17/10/2009 16:33

I agree with Hando-I would far rather leave them at home with doting grandparents than dump in a holiday club with poorly paid staff, who are in the job for the travel.
If you want to have a holiday with them then at least put them first. I don't think that OP is selfish-she is working with DCs all day as well as having her own. I don't see why both can't have what they want. OP chooses a luxury hotel in this country for short break and DH chooses a family place for a week and they don't use a kid's club.

slushy06 · 17/10/2009 16:41

Just because they wont remember the holiday does not mean they wont enjoy it and in Disney most of the rides are for young kids if anything it gets boring in Disney when you get older as there are only two big rides and the little ones are two small. Earlier op I suggested ywbu but I think your idea sounds grand and I personally would not want to take a 12month old child to Turkey or on a beach holiday sat in the sun all day in case they get ill for the heat but France is not much hotter than our own climate and there are lots of shops with air con.

Original poster
Fruitbatlings · 17/10/2009 16:46

Wow!

Sorry for my late reply, I posted then went out for a few hours.

Thank you so much everyone for your replies.

A special thank you to Chunkymonkey as you have said everything I was thinking

It's great to have different opinions. I'm looking forward to showing this to DH (yes we got married in September just gone)

Yes, the boys would be staying with grandparents and yes I think they are secure enough to manage 7 days away from DH and me.
DS2 is 7 months tomorrow so will be almost 1yr by the time we go away.

The reason we have left it so late is we wanted to save up the money to go and we also received money towards the honeymoon as wedding gifts.

We thought Feb/March would be a good time to go as the new year is a bit miserable and it would give us something to look forward to

I won't be able to show this to DH until tomorrow eve but I will show him.

I'm sure we can reach a good compromise. If I can only get 2/3 nights break away from all children then so be it.

I have to say I second what Chunkymonkey says about being a childminder and a mum - I am always surrounded by children, and I love it! but just one week is all I'm asking, we can have a family holiday whenever we like providing we can save up for it. DH will get more holiday time throughout the year (as will I)

Is it really that selfish of me to ask for just one weeks peace?

OP posts:
raindroprhyme · 17/10/2009 16:46

haven't read full thread.
but just wanted to say we left our kids to go on honey moon to eygpt for 2 weeks.
dh and i have never not had the kids around as ds1 is from a previous relationship of mine.
it was bliss we slept late, had sex in the afternoon and pleased ourselves. we missed the kids liek hell but that time together just us was super special and i will never forget it.

Original poster
Fruitbatlings · 17/10/2009 16:47

BTW, I'm sure DS2 will love Disney. He will be one so I'm sure I could take him on some "baby" rides. He'd love all the bright colours and is a very sociable baby

OP posts:
piscesmoon · 17/10/2009 16:49

'Is it really that selfish of me to ask for just one weeks peace? '

NO- not if the DCs are with people who love them.

Original poster
Fruitbatlings · 17/10/2009 16:52

Aw thanks piscesmoon

OP posts:
piscesmoon · 17/10/2009 17:34

I was the 'selfish' person who did it Fruitbatlings-so perhaps you should discount me!!

unfitmother · 17/10/2009 17:47

YABU

Your DH sounds lovely, mine wouldn't dream of going away without the dcs, it would be like a part of him was missing. Our first night away on our own was our 11th wedding aniversary! DS was nearly 10.
Yes, we had a honeymoon but before the dcs!
I think you'll need to compromise on this one, maybe a weekend?