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AIBU?

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Original poster

to want a Honeymoon with no children?

167 replies

Fruitbatlings · 17/10/2009 11:26

We got married in September and are planning to go away at the end of Feb/beginning March.

We have two children. DS1 is 4yrs and DS2 is 7 months.

I am a Childminder, obviously working from home

DH works all day everyday in central London.

DH wants to bring the children with us
I don't

My argument is, much as I love spending time with our children (and the mindees) I am with our children 24/7.
My dream of a honeymoon is somewhere hot and tropical with no sounds of children, just me and DH for a whole week - peace and quiet!
I really feel like I am due a well deserved break.

DH's argument is, he never really gets to spend time with the children except on weekends.
He is suggesting somewhere like Turkey with a kids club

I've suggested we take 10 days off, go somewhere for a week with no children then take them to Disneyland Paris for 3 days.

He wants to take them to the beach.

I'm going to show this to DH, so how would you feel, if you were either of us? and what would you do?

OP posts:
piscesmoon · 17/10/2009 22:17

If you have the money then I would go. Your DCs will be loved, happy and well looked after-people make it sound as if no one loves them and could possibly cope, unless they are the parent. I remember the first time that I was left when my mother went into hospital to have my brother. I stayed with an aunt and loved it.I had a close relationship with the aunt-I was quite secure. I left my DS with grandparents-they had had sole charge many times-it was home from home. I would call it selfish to take them on the holiday that you want and then bung them in child care!
As you DH wants time with the DCs I would compromise and have a short luxury break with you and a longer one with DCs. Children that age don't want to be dragged on long journeys by plane-they are easy to please-they don't even care abou the weather!

Doodleydoo · 17/10/2009 22:20

Chunky just north of wimbledon! Know the wacky warehouse you refer to! No public profile just incase anyone I know is watching me discuss the inlaws!!!!!!
BTW - honeymoon with inlaws - now that is wrong!

ChunkyMonkeysMum · 17/10/2009 22:25

Oh, don't even go there about honeymooning with the in-laws !!!

DH & I got married in Barbados. We said to all the family that whoever wanted to come could come, but the one condition we had was that we all stayed in separate hotels because then we could all still have our own holidays & just get together for the wedding (The wedding was the middle weekend, so the 2nd week was our honeymoon). Everyone knew this right from the start, so it was their choice whether to come or not, bearing in mind we were planning a big reception when we got back so those who couldn't come could help us celebrate.

Well, MIL could not get her head round this & openly stated that she "couldn't understand" why we wouldn't all want to stay in the same hotel for 2 weeks!!!

Original poster
Fruitbatlings · 17/10/2009 22:27

Ooh, Doodleydoo, we've probably seen eachother before without even knowing it

Thanks piscesmoon - we will try ou best to compromise, difficult though! I really wouldn't want either of our parents there!

OP posts:
piscesmoon · 18/10/2009 08:49

I expect that a kid's club would be better than having parents on honeymoon! I just don't like kid's clubs-I think that if you are on holiday it is the DC's holiday too and you should spend the time with them.
This is why I think it better you to have the short break on your own-the way you want it-not having to get up to DCs in the night etc. I fostered a very close relationship between mine and the grandparents from the very start and so going away was never a problem. Grandparents came to stay in out house, knew the routine and how everything worked-I could go out with complete confidence. I think that it is much better for the DC than thinking that they can't manage a night without you! On my honeymoon my PIL from first marriage stayed in the house (DH1 had died)so it made them feel part of the new family and it was lovely for DS to know that he was just gaining family-not taking away.DS didn't want a boring city break-he loved having his grandparents there. We had the family holiday with hism later-one that he enjoyed and we didn't have to take anyone else or stick him in a kid's club.
I would have thought that your DH would see that you would be able to throw yourself enthusiastically into a family holiday if you had had the short, quality time on your own first.

nannynick · 18/10/2009 12:16

Coming to this late, so only skim read replies.
I feel YANBU in wanting to not take the children on honeymoon. I feel YABU in wanting to go for a week - would a weekend be a compromise, with children staying at grandparents? Due to a weekend being less nights away, you could pay more for those nights... so going really up market.

Like the idea of DH having the children on his own for a while... and you joining up later. Maybe you could do something like DH having children on his own say Sat to Wednesday. You join on Thursday, Children depart on Friday to grandparents, whilst then you and DH have Fri/Sat and possibly Sun night away on your own.

Hando · 18/10/2009 12:29

Slushy, there are definitely not just 2 rides for older kids at Disney - Space Mountain, Tower of Terror, Crushs' Coaster, Rock and Roller Coaster, Star Tours, Indianna Jones, Thunder Mountain - That's 6 that are all pretty thrilling and suitable for older kids and some of those are great fior adults too.

I would take a baby to Disneyland Paris for a few days, there's loads for little ones to do and see.

slushy06 · 18/10/2009 13:11

Hando I had not included Walt Disney Studios as I was talking about magic kingdom. Star tours is available for age 3 and up so still suitable as a child's ride so there are only 3 big rides in the Disney park which compared to other theme parks are not the best so IMO still more for young kids but I still enjoyed as a teen.

facebookaddict · 18/10/2009 13:22

We went on honeymoon without our DC1 and despite unbelievable guilt, it was the absolutely best thing for all 3 of us. We had much needed couple time and no arguments and he had lots of granparent time.

If you have somewhere for kids to go where they will feel secure, go for it.

You will have many many family holidays on the beach (hopefully if finances allow?) so use this one opportunity for it to be just you.

DH will forgive you when he is hungover on beach with book in hand.

Blondeshavemorefun · 18/10/2009 13:49

ideally a honeymoon would be nice without children

just the two of you

yanbu to want this but your dh to be isnt bu to want to spend time with his children

so 2 holidays if you can afford it would be perfect

a week/10 days away with dh and then a long weekend away somewhere with dc

and then have a family holiday on a beach/with kids clu the next year

Devendra · 18/10/2009 13:57

Definately definately go without the kids, my experience of kids clubs is pretty dire plus you still have to get up at stupid o'clock and worry about meals, pools and sunscrean with a baby... you are NOT selfish for wanting a week of adult lovliness. Tell your DH to book a long weekend of sometime to spend with the kids.. I have left DS with his beloved granny overnight since he was 12 months old.. she has him for regular weekends about once a month... its bliss and we are very lucky.. do it,sunbathe, read books, shag like rabbits, chat while having lie-ins and drink too much.. will do you both the world of good.

Sassybeast · 18/10/2009 14:23

Oh Nikki1978 - off you toddle and fix your slap before hubby comes home to see his favourite plaything for a grope 'titter'. And as for telling me to think before I type - don't make me larf sweetie. You poor girl. And your poor kids. Now go pick your toys up and put them back in your pram. And hide the kids before DH has to spend some time with them.

piscesmoon · 18/10/2009 15:35

I hope that you are going to tell us what you decide Fruitbattlings?!

spookyrookie · 18/10/2009 16:22

Was talking to DH about this. I was advocating a weekend and then a holiday with the kids, he felt that a honeymoon should be without and suggested that your DF took the children for a weekend so he could spend some quality time with him and at the end of it felt he would be keen to go on honeymoon without them

Ivykaty44 · 18/10/2009 16:31

Why not go on honeymoon on your own and let dh and dc go on holiday together Then you get a break and he gets a holiday with the dc

ChunkyMonkeysMum · 18/10/2009 17:33

"DH will forgive you when he is hungover on beach with book in hand."

Yeah, or when he wants sex in the middle of the afternoon !! .......can't do that with the kids there !!

Fruitbatlings - Have you managed to show DH this thread yet ? What did he say ? Have you reached a compromise yet ?

(PS - turtle23 contacted me via CAT to organise a meetup. Are you able to do this too, or contact her so we can sort something out soon ? Ta.x)

Original poster
Fruitbatlings · 18/10/2009 18:55

Wow, even more replies!
He's still not back yet. In fact I have no idea where the hell he is I took DS1 to his MIL's house so I could go to the baby show with DS2. DH was supposed to pick up DS1 earlier today and take him out.
I had to pick DS1 up from MIL's early this evening.
DH phone off (battery trouble)

I tried to ring his friend who he was with (and was supposed to come back with) but friend had to rush home as his wife gave birth this morning unexpectedly - (he missed it too )

I can't believe DH can't contact me to say where on earth he is

DS1 asking for him

Chunky - Turtle texted me but I can't get over your way as I have two mindees plus my two DC's. Mornings are better for me anyway and I'd have to meet you over my way, Wacky warehouse or one of the playgroups around Colliers Wood/South Wimbledon. We'll arrange something for another time

I think that's a marvellous idea for DH to spend time with just the boys

I'll speak to him when he finally gets home.........

OP posts:
ChunkyMonkeysMum · 18/10/2009 19:43

Fruitbatlings - I have just replied to your email. Looking forward to meeting you soon.

Original poster
Fruitbatlings · 18/10/2009 19:54

doodleydoo, what's your email address? we'e trying to organise a meet up for half term.....

OP posts:
Original poster
Fruitbatlings · 18/10/2009 20:52

OMG!!
Apparently, DH was dropped off locally at lunchtime! WTF is he?
I'm going to kill him, I'm going to kill him, I'm going to kill him!

Poor DS1

I still haven't heard from him. WTF is he playing at?

I'm feeling so angry right now. I can feel my blood boiling. Please calm me down!

OP posts:
Original poster
Fruitbatlings · 18/10/2009 20:53

I think I might go on honeymoon by myself.
Not sure I even want H there either.....

OP posts:
LoveMyGirls · 19/10/2009 07:27

I think he just lost his leg to stand on.

He wants to take your dc's on honeymoon yet can't manage to get home in time time to take his ds1 out for one afternoon?

Put your foot down, there no way he will look after them on your holiday if he can't manage 1 afternoon.

piscesmoon · 19/10/2009 08:20

I agree with LoveMyGirls-he wants to spend more time with the DCs and yet has been missing (with no word)for the whole of Sunday. He hasn't a leg to stand on-unless he has a pretty convincing excuse!

Original poster
Fruitbatlings · 19/10/2009 09:15

Well.
He showed up........
7am this morning Well actually, not such a shock, not like he hasn't done it before
I asked him if he had enough time to think up an excuse and he said he didn't have one.
Apologized and went to bed - stinking of alcohol.

It would be interesting if those who were on "his side" earlier on in the thread would be so forgiving now.......

I can't even talk to him right now.

Going to get this lot sorted and take them to playgroup, I'm going to have to stay out as much as possible today. He's taking the day off work

OP posts:
LoveMyGirls · 19/10/2009 09:29

O M G I would be livid!

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