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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed by namby (ineffectual) middle class parents?

130 replies

ElenorRigby · 14/10/2009 22:56

I have started to bring the kids to a play area not far away in quite a well to do part of the city.

I was quite shocked to find really bad brat behaviour from children of middle class parents.

Picture: Tarquin, Tasha or whoever being shitty to their parents, other children, other parents.

Then Tarquin/Tasha's parents limply say something like "Oh dear, that's not very nice" "Please don't be like that" or so on

Their kids of course carry on as usual

OP posts:
emkana · 14/10/2009 22:57

I have two objections to your post:

a/ I don't see it as a class issue.

b/ Don't use the name Tasha, I hold it dear

Other than that I agree with you, some parents could be more effective in managing their children's behaviour.

2shoescreepingthroughblood · 14/10/2009 22:59

oh I had a friend like that
she would simper $$$$ don't do that and he would carry on......
oh but she was a wc single mum.
so yabu

TheDemonicButDandyLioness · 14/10/2009 23:07

Why are you restricting your annoyance just to ineffectual middle class people?

And Tarquin is probably a stereotypically upper class name, not middle class.

I suppose it depends on what age the kids are. Maybe time outs and removing the kids wouldn't work? But I agree that it is ineffectual if they let their kids carrying on doing it. And it is frustrating.

trickerg · 14/10/2009 23:20

I agree : 'brat behaviour'....'parents limply say something like "Oh dear, that's not very nice" "Please don't be like that" or so on'

Don't think it's an economic factor, just that many parents from all social strata are afraid to say no to their children / want an easy life so let their children get away it / want to be their children's best friends.

Most annoying are parents who believe their children over an adult. Now THAT is really annoying!

scottishmummy · 14/10/2009 23:22

is there a follow up were you deride other classes?

or do you specialise in middle class generalisations only

scottishmummy · 14/10/2009 23:26

would you rather Tarquin/Tasha slapped and told to shut the fuck up.not limp.quite directive,abusive and horrid.do you prefer the just tell em approach

tinkerbell1982 · 14/10/2009 23:27

i can understand your point about the parents just saying that and the child carrying on the parents should of asked them to sit down for 2 minutes to calm down or done something to distract the child from such behaviour.

what i cant understand is what you are saying about a well do to part of the city and middle class parents

what does a well do to part of the city and middle class parents have to do with the childs behaviour ?

every child is naughty /misbehaves at some point....maybe the child had a behaviour problem ADHD /ADD/ODD or something along the lines.

TigerBitesAgain · 14/10/2009 23:27

Is Tasha a mc name?

ABetaDad · 14/10/2009 23:28

ElenorRigby - totally YANBU.

This phenomenon drives me absolutley spare. Indulgent middle class parents. Lost count of the number of times these sorts of people have said 'your children are so well behaved'.

No they are not so well behaved - they are just well behaved unlike your children who are hitting my children, rude and little brats.

Grumps off to bed.

MillyR · 14/10/2009 23:28

Actually, a small child kept prodding me with a red pitchfork in the dairy aisle of the Co-op today. His middle class mother asked him to stop and he did. She apologised to me as well.

I do think sometimes some parents could be firmer. I was firm though, and I worry that my kids have low self esteem now that they are older, because I was too strict. They don't seem as confident as their peers.

MillyR · 14/10/2009 23:30

Just read my post back and it sounds as if I am saying pitchfork mum wasn't firm enough; she was firm enough.

scottishmummy · 14/10/2009 23:31

aha someone has said maybe child has SN.that ole MN perennial

good manners and behaviour transcends class

no class is imbued with greater/lesser manners

MrsSaxon · 15/10/2009 20:08

Just to clear this up, but how can you tell what class someone is just by looking at them? Curious.

mollythetortoise · 15/10/2009 20:12

millyR - that's interesting. why do you think that?

LynetteScavo · 15/10/2009 20:19

MillyR - I too find that interesting, and very honest.

I do suspect the children of "namby(ineffectual) middle class parents" are the ones who will grow up with the most confidence.

'Tis a fine line.

sickofsocalledexperts · 15/10/2009 20:19

I agree, evne though I'm middle class myself, and the one that particularly pisses me off is when the parent says "kind hands darling, remember we like kind hands" when their precious little brat has just walloped another child in the face. Whatever happened to "don't you dare hit another child, come here at once!". No-one bloody tells their kids off nowadays, they are too busy praising the good to actually penalise the bad. I was actually told by a teacher at my son's pre-school - "oh, we don't use the word "no" to kids now, we just praise them when they're not being bad." The world's gone mad!

Morosky · 15/10/2009 20:20

Namby pamby parents infuriate me, we were at the Cranborne fair last week and went along to the a drumming workshop and I was shocked at the spineless parents enabling rude behaviour from their children. I am not sure what class has to do with it though.

seaglass · 15/10/2009 20:23

ElenorRigby - you've described it as I would have described a lot of families at my DC's old school. We ended up not inviting any children round, as the ones who were my DC's friends were awful - rude, naughty, just a nightmare to have around, and it was the sort of parents you described.
We have since moved schools, to more of a farming community, where the children are generally lovely, really polite, and welcome to my house any time they like.
I think it is slightly a class thing (if that still exists) as it seemed to be proffesional, working couples, who believed in making sure the children have whatever they want, don't believe in ever raising their voices, and certainly don't punish them, as that might leave horrible memories. FWIW, some of those mothers were really good friends, I just couldn't stand their rude children

TheBolter · 15/10/2009 20:24

Lynette: "I do suspect the children of "namby(ineffectual) middle class parents" are the ones who will grow up with the most confidence."

... Yes, there's a fine line between having deep inner self-belief and being cocky self-obsessed little, um, monkeys!

MillyO, fear not. I believe that children who have been given strong values and have learned through firm-but-fair guidance will ultimately have the true confidence needed to get through life.

overmydeadbody · 15/10/2009 20:25

My irritation with your post is that you are effectively saying only middle class parents are namby pamby.

It is not a class issue. PLenty or working class parents and upper class parents are just as ineffectual in their parents, and plenty are perfectly good parents.

TheBolter · 15/10/2009 20:27

Agree with overmydeadbody.

It's not a class thing, there are discipline-shy parents in every social strata. They just do it in a different way.

But ultimately it comes down to not saying NO firmly enough.

InMyLittleHead · 15/10/2009 20:28

I am dreading what the world will be like in 30 years time, when all these kids grow up. Picture men in pinstripe suits whacking each other in Tesco's, then sitting on the floor and bawling.

overmydeadbody · 15/10/2009 20:28

At least they where taking their kids to the park.

overmydeadbody · 15/10/2009 20:30

InMyLittleHead they will be outnumbered 6 to 1 by the grown up children off the council estates shoplifting the Cider

Disclaimer: Joke

zebramummy · 15/10/2009 20:31

i only know one tasha and she is def not middle-class - i know of others who are def not either

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