Is my husband being thick or what?

[carocaro]

Just come in, two hungry kids with one who has pooed himself.

I sort out the poo one. I shout to DH who is upstairs to throw me down new pants and trousers, he yells back, for who?

I then tell DH to bring bin round, whilst I make tea, what bin from where? he says 'eer the massive black wheelie bin we just nearly hot on the driveway that has been there 2 days? He said I might have wanted the kitchen bin taking round somewhere. Where I have no idea, to the pub for a drink maybe?

He brings in the food shopping whilst I make tea, I rell him to take the bag of clothes upstairs (as it has a couple of xmas stocking fillers in) I am making tea and I have just discovered all the bags are in our bedroom including the food one's.

Do I have to give every tiny fucking detail or what? It's very very tiring.

Men.

Must be. He married you

Lost the thread on this, who are you addressing Quattro? (hopes not me).

I don't mind that DH has these weird little things going on. The house is my domain, that is the way I like it. As UnquietDad pointed out upthread there are things that women do that strike men as completely hopeless.

After 15 years of working with lawyers (of both sexes) Tiger I find the "husband approach" works best (even with a woman), I assume they have their practical/sensible gene removed at university to make more room for other sorts of intelligence and it is best to hold their hands and teach them to sign things without questioning you .

Aww hugs and sympathy! x

dp has actually told me repeatedly

'you just have to keep nagging me, constant gentle nagging and it'll sink in eventually'

why? why should i have to nag constantly, especially as when i actually do so i get 'ffs!' and grumpiness as a response?

he once rang me on a (very rare) day out shopping as he was trying to run the washing machine. i was in Coast paying for a top and the assistant ended up in hysterics laughing at the conversation, all she could hear was my half;

'what do you mean where's the softner, it's on the shelf where it always is'
'yes it's on the shelf, it was there this morning'
'are you looking at the right shelf?'
'the bottle with comfort written on it!'
'COMFORT!'
'stop shouting at me and look for the damn softner fgs'
'yes i'm sure it's there!'
'the shelf by your head in the utility'
'o really, fancy that! where on earth were you looking?'

he also had to take written instruction on how to run the machine from me while i was in hospital with ds2 in SCBU and while i was away for the weekend rang me to ask 'what do you use to scrape burned things off the cooker, i melted a plastic bag' and as i was outside the church for a wedding rang with 'how do i fix the blinds in the kitchen?' i mean wtf?!

I am laughing aloud alone

Oh god, the recycling - my DH will walk past the back door (just outside of which stands the recycling box) to put paper for recycling in a pile behind the floor lamp in the livingroom. He is perfectly competent at looking after the DDs, but 'forgets' to hang the towels up after their baths and, when I was away on a business trip recently, forgot to brush DD1's hair for 2 days (though ming you, at 5.5yo, she could have reminded him herself...).

My annoying 'thing' is putting leftovers into the fridge then forgetting about them till they crawl out by themselves and slime their way into the compost bin

*mind

I've got one too!! Frickin useless The most commom is:
DP: Where's my (insert any of his belongings here)?
Me: I don't know darling, when did you last have it?
DP: At the office I think
Me: So how on earth would I know where it is?!
(repeat several times a day)

DP's also great at putting the plates on the worktop, but allergic to opening the dishwasher just below - Must stop whinging, I could go on for hours!

On the upside, he can hoover (just)

"DP's also great at putting the plates on the worktop, but allergic to opening the dishwasher just below - Must stop whinging, I could go on for hours!"

OMG, both DS & DH do this. They put the plate directly above the dishwasher, how hard is it to open it and pop it in? I mean REALLY?

This thread is a work of genius.

My DH is just like corriefan 's DH.

DH: "I can't find any of my clean t-shirts"

Me: "They're all in the drawer where they usually live and have done for years"

DH: "They're not."

Me: "Are you sure? I bet if I come to look, I'll find one"

DH: "You won't. They're not there."

Me: (coming over to drawer) "Here we are. There's one of your clean t-shirts".

DH: "Oh."

Thanks everyone, esp Morloth & the dishwasher!I somehow feel less exasperated knowing you're all stuck with versions of DP too

yes, i have the standard model too.
He's a computer programmer, lots of buttons, instructions to program etc, and yet the washing machine is beyond him. My 2yo has got the hang of "powder in, yellow button, green button so WHY CAN'T HE?"

Also "could you get DS some milk?"
"there isn't any"
"Really?"
"Definitely no milk"
and then i walk over and find it in its usual place.

OTOH when he look after DS for a day I come home to find they've been to the park, had lunch, tidied everywhere, hoovered, washed the cars...on thise days he's a Stepford husband!

I'll never forget my husband with our then 8 month old baby (and this was our second).

DH: The baby's crying and I have no idea why.

Peabody: Have you fed her?

DH: No.

Peabody: Have you changed her?

DH: No.

Peabody [sigh], She needs feeding and changing every 3 hours.

DH: Since when has she fed every 3 hours?

Peabody: SINCE THE DAY SHE WAS BORN!

I have a lovely dp who cooks marvellously and used to clean and tidy rather obsessively particularly while I was pregnant. However we have now properly moved in together and he has lost some of these abilities. Maybe male domestic abilities are a little-known type of currency which is solely used to pay for diamonds and gold...

Our current regular dingdong is also over the bins. We live in an upstairs flat, and the entrance is straight into the kitchen from stairs running up the outside wall. There's a little balcony bit outside the door, it's like a metal fire escape staircase really. I ask him to put the rubbish out, he takes today's carrier bag that hangs on the under-sink cupboard and put it in the black wheelie bin by the garden gate. He ignores the previous three days' carrier bags tied up and put in the tall bin just outside the door on the balcony. The whole reason the bin is out there is that it used to accumulate rubbish for too long and stink out the kitchen! I should give up on the bins being his job really shouldn't I.

brilliant thread.

Me: Can you get DS up and and dressed pleased (while I'm getting ready for work)

DP: OK, what shall I put him in?

Me: Clothes?

DP: Which ones?

argh!!

He only has one drawer of tops, and one drawer of trousers, and everything in there fits him, it's not bloody rocket science!

Mind you, he can't dress himself either - couple of weeks ago he came home reeking of BO as he'd had a heavy jumper on all day and it had been about 20C.

DP: "But it was cold this morning!!"

I swear to god my husband is a bigamist as he's obviously married to a lot of womem. Hhe's a part time SAHD and so he is really good with our toddler but house related stuff just drives me mental. He say's he can't find something after looking for it for all of, oh I don't know, 2 seconds, leaves toilet rolls scattering the bathroom floor and never empties the bins unless it is physically impossible to get another pea in it and then i still have to ask him!

best thing though is when I ask him to pop to our local sainsbury's if we've run out of something vital i have to draw a plan of the supermarket with an X marking the spot where he will find the requested item !

I should point out that he does know where the milk is, but you should have seen the horror on his face once when i asked him to buy a jar of passata!

I'm so impressed with whoever's dh that managed to successfully do up a babygro upside down- classic!

Another dressing the dc's one is when he manages to find clothes at the bottom of the drawer put there because they're either out of season or too big for now and puts them on the children who then trip over themselves and look like they fell into the wash basket. I'll ask why they're wearing clothes too big/cold/hot etc and he'll say "well they were in the drawer" ??

I can overanalyse people possibly due to my background in psychology and was actually thinking my dh has short term memory difficulties, but from this I can see that, no, it's a common deficiency!

Laughing out loud at hersetta, this thread has made my day

Mine has all of these qualities and a few other ones for eg. When cooking (I'm normally in work) a recipe might say 3 red onions but we only have 3 white ones so he gets hysterical!

We're in the middle of renovating our house and he says to me that I keep nagging him and don't appreciate all the DIY he's done. I tell him I do appreciate it and I don't nag, I ask and ask and ask and ask - if he just did it first time it wouldn't be a nag.

So we decided a new way for me to remind him of what needs doing... we made a to do list.

He now asks me to remind him what's on the to do list, I give it 2 weeks before he thinks I'm nagging again!!!!

I got home from work a few days ago and DP looked very happy with himself.

DP: I've brought the washing in that was on the line and I've
hung out the stuff that was in the washing machine.

Muffin: Thanks very much.

DP: It shouldn't take long to dry because when I hung it up it was already dry.

Muffin:

DP: It was also smelly and still dirty

Muffin: Do you think that you might have forgotten to turn the machine on?

DP: I guess so. I thought it was a quick wash. It only took about 10 minutes.

Muffin:

DP: Should I put it back in the machine or should I just leave it on the line?

Muffin: AAAAHHH!

Hersetta - I do that for my (8yr old) ds If my dh goes to the supermarket he will come back with items totally unrelated to those on the list.

He is a good cook though, and usually cooks every weekend. It did, however, take several months to get his head round the fact that dd is no longer exclusively bf and needa food herself. He has just started to regularly remember food for her, (she's only ever eaten the same as us all anyway). She's 16 months old, and he's just about got his head round the fact she needs food too.

My mum does that thing with the too small clothes. I found a pair of newborn socks somehow still in with DS's stuff so left them on the top (nowhere near the sock drawer) to put away when I had time. Mum found them and crammed them on his poor toddler feet