to ask friend, who came from abroad to visit new baby & family, to leave?

[RenderedSpeechless]

This is my first AIBU, please be gentle with me. i really am in a dilemma about this and willing to consider all viewpoints. she in in house with me now, so typing fast. apols in advance for typos and poss having to 'reveal by stealth'. tia

friend came last week to visit me, newborn and family. after two days she states that she came on open ticket and had come to 'help'. however, as my cousin is living with and helping me, my friend has decided to get a job until christmas, before flying back home.

so, yesterday, she enquired in the local shopping centre and updated her cv. this has MY address and phone number on. she didnt ask in advance and i was too chicken to say anything at the time. im worried this is the thin end of the wedge and that she will need bank account, NI number etc in my address.

the overall situation is far from ideal. she is sleeping on the settee, has a bag in the hallway and another in my bedroom. there are a total of 7 people now living in my 3 bedroom home. no mention has been made,by me or her, about this arrangement. am usually mindful to use appliances at night, when its cheaper. she puts on heating, washing machine, tumble drier without a second thought and its starting to rile me. she also involves with managing children, to which i have commented, but i dont want her to feel gauche and unwelcome. i feel bad typing this post and maybe shouldnt say anything? i have 3 week old, is it my hormones and aibu?

back again briefly to make this admittedly bithchy post. friend bought some food the other day, capers, aubergine etc. all has already been open. partially used; she is now in kitchen bagging it up to take with her. all thoughts of paying for flight are now out of the window.

you have all been great, really. thank you for supporting me to be less of a wimp that i usually am. i feel like a new person. im really looking forward to the weekend with the family.

The phrase 'don't let the door hit you on the arse on your way out' springs to mind.

Urgh! Sure, staying at your place, eating your food, spending ages in the bath, etc these days has not been enough she now thinks right to take the few bits of food she's bought

crikey! the cheek of some people!

I'm pulling up my chair and getting comfy with some cointreau to see what happens tomorrow. Hopefully she'll be gone and you can get back to cooing over your baby and slobbing on the sofa at 3am in peace

Good luck!

RenderedSpeechless, please do keep in mind the following:

• Your family (newborn and other 2 children) are relying on you to stand up for them, stand up for the family. You should not feel any guilt about doing so...

• ... but it's a shame that the rest of the family has NOT been trying to get her to move on, or at the very least talking to you about how to do it (after all, you are the one with the most moral authority to kick her out. Shame on them). On the contrary, you have sought help from US, on mumsnet, and you don't know us at all! (BTW, I'm glad that the solidarity displayed did prove to you that YANBU).

• If she is capable of the lack of planning of a ONE WAY TICKET and "settling" with people who have a newborn (?!fgs), what makes you think she could have got and held down a job, rather than remaining underfoot?

• She has been thoughtless and there is no shame in making her feel this. You will have to confront your children about thoughtless behaviour one day, too; are you going to back down then? NO! You'll face down their behaviour, do it with diplomacy, and they'll know you're right. You have learned a lot from this experience, and every time you have to stand up to selfishness, you will do it better and more deftly. It will become less and less uncomfortable for you (and for the other person, since you have been learning tact)... and if it's not so uncomfortable for the other person, you will feel less and less inhibited about doing what needs to be done! A virtuous circle :-)

Well done.

marking my place.

Do you know what, I'm beginning to think that if she DOESN'T leave tomorrow, us MNetters should help you out?

What do you say, everyone, shall we give this person a lovely tour of the UK (and anywhere else that would like to offer) and each treat her to our unique blend of "hospitality"

First on the itinerary is my place. She can have our sofabed. I am only up about 3 times in the night bfing my newborn, and I simply can't relax unless I have the main light and the TV in the lounge on. DS won't go back to sleep unless I sing "Clap your hands for Daddy" 300 times, but she won't mind that, and if she does, it will soon be morning and from 5am onwards DD can sit on her and "enhance" her hairstyle with porridge.

Who would like to offer next

she's welcome at mine from sunday, I have a major night waker, no soundproof wals to speak of. Dp snores, dd up at least twice a night and my brother is arriving with his three month old. He will have the sofa bed but you friend can have a hard chair at the kitchen table or maybe the shed. But only till monday as the english tourist board is coming to write a review and i dont want them to suspect overcrowding.

She's welcome here, but would she prefer to sleep in a cot or under a dog heffalump?

shes welcome here as long as she gets up at say 2, and checks dcs bums I'm on worm watch dd1 very grumpy

She'd be welcome here - back bedroom has a 2' square hole in the ceiling (dormer style, so you can see the stars - is covered by a pane of glass, but will get chilly soon). She might want to have some chant that is the opposite of "summoning rain" of course, as the glass only stops drops that hit it from above, not the water off the rest of the roof.

Of course, if she wanted to share my double bed, that would be an option, but I don't claim to have hands that would keep themselves to themselves in my 'sleep'

Wishing you a more peaceful {!} weekend. Good job brother speaks Italian as he can very clearly and precisely lay down rules while under his roof, and a week gives her a chance of booking a flight - earlier the cheaper, I expect...

Unbelievable!

She is packing up the veg she bought??????

What a weirdo!

Just dropping by to wish you luck this morning - hope it all goes well and she leaves with a boot up the arse fond farewells, and you can all have a cosy family weekend!

Just read this through!

What a cheeky mare!! I will be watching to see if she leaves. Stand your ground!

Good luck. And on her grand tour of the UK she's welcome here. DS's diabetes has gone tits up and we're doing night testing every hour. I might accidentally get confused and stick a needle in her to make her bleed every hour.

Seriously though, I hope it goes as well as it can and that she GOES.

Good luck for today.

And just think of the peace in the house when she is gone.

Christ! Only just seen this thread - hope you get shot of her tonight!

Good luck for today, hope she leaves!

Good luck. You have been remarkably restrained and gracious. I would have been a screaming harpy.

lol at her taking her food with her.

Fingers crossed for tonight.

Hope she used her own bags for the food, not yours!