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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to ask friend, who came from abroad to visit new baby & family, to leave?

473 replies

RenderedSpeechless · 07/10/2009 11:48

This is my first AIBU, please be gentle with me. i really am in a dilemma about this and willing to consider all viewpoints. she in in house with me now, so typing fast. apols in advance for typos and poss having to 'reveal by stealth'. tia

friend came last week to visit me, newborn and family. after two days she states that she came on open ticket and had come to 'help'. however, as my cousin is living with and helping me, my friend has decided to get a job until christmas, before flying back home.

so, yesterday, she enquired in the local shopping centre and updated her cv. this has MY address and phone number on. she didnt ask in advance and i was too chicken to say anything at the time. im worried this is the thin end of the wedge and that she will need bank account, NI number etc in my address.

the overall situation is far from ideal. she is sleeping on the settee, has a bag in the hallway and another in my bedroom. there are a total of 7 people now living in my 3 bedroom home. no mention has been made,by me or her, about this arrangement. am usually mindful to use appliances at night, when its cheaper. she puts on heating, washing machine, tumble drier without a second thought and its starting to rile me. she also involves with managing children, to which i have commented, but i dont want her to feel gauche and unwelcome. i feel bad typing this post and maybe shouldnt say anything? i have 3 week old, is it my hormones and aibu?

OP posts:
NorbertDentressangle · 08/10/2009 20:36

Its probably a bit late now but yu could have held a "Farewell/Bon Voyage" party for her tonight -surely she would have to go after that otherwise she would look a prize numpty

Heated · 08/10/2009 20:38
WineBeforePearls · 08/10/2009 20:44
StrictlyAvadaKedavraarrrrghhhh · 08/10/2009 20:45
FiveGoMadonTheDanceFloor · 08/10/2009 20:47

No, tomorrow she has got to be gone, if it just till Monday, then it will just be Wednesday.

Ineedmorechocolatenow · 08/10/2009 20:48
Jacksmamwahahaha · 08/10/2009 20:53

(Jackbaby's favourite game with me. Not so great if I've just taken a glug of hot choc)

BrokenBananaTantrum · 08/10/2009 20:55
StrictlyAvadaKedavraarrrrghhhh · 08/10/2009 20:56

AGree anyway, it'll be oh just one more day, one more day and you'll be posting in 3 weeks time still

StrictlyAvadaKedavraarrrrghhhh · 08/10/2009 20:57

ah damn, took too long to post as was sniffing DH fresh out of the bath

Jacksmamwahahaha · 08/10/2009 20:57

Wow, glad I'm not the only one who couldn't resist the temptation to cheek-squish

Ineedmorechocolatenow · 08/10/2009 20:59
Naat · 08/10/2009 21:01

Stay strong, RS!!! If not, as many said, it'll be two more days, and then two more days, etc

Will be waiting for news (good, I hope!)

Naat · 08/10/2009 21:01
Ineedmorechocolatenow · 08/10/2009 21:03
Pumpkinbummum · 08/10/2009 21:12

Missed the latest update, no way not til Monday!

RenderedSpeechless · 08/10/2009 21:29

MMmmmmm!

OK, OK, i'll be back when have news / update.

still havent heard from brother, but had missed calls from him. he's not answering now though hhmmpp.

friend and i had a strained day, both trying to appear 'ok', yet knowing other one is not. i ignored the tears that escaped from behind her sunglasses and cooed with baby iinstead. i told her that my primary focus is my children and family. but while im sorry if she's hurt / upset, i cant take that on. so (dont shoot me) my inner conscience is thinking about paying her return flight? esp if it really is a cheap as suggested by 'cant remember who' (sorry).

apols for sporadic posts. im off to see what she's doing? packing, crying, who knows?

OP posts:
Pumpkinbummum · 08/10/2009 21:34

You don't need to sneak into your own thread
Have a revel, and be careful it dosen't melt in the flames PAY FOR HER FLIGHT!!!!!!!!!

(aerlingus have a sale on) but last resort!!

Dominique07 · 08/10/2009 21:43

NOnono no no no... you will never get this time back; you need to tell her. Its a lovely thought but you don't have space and you already asked your cousin... this is such an imposition!

RenderedSpeechless · 08/10/2009 21:44

back again!

the end of this saga seems near. just spoken to brother, he said he will pick her up tomorrow evening - after 10pm. im kinda thinking that is rather cutting it too fine and any delays will mean that the plans may be put off till saturday. SO i helpfully suggested to drop her off to his and let her in with my key! (yay!) except he said not. (boo!)

she's in the bath, been there a while. hope she doesnt use all the hot water, again. with 7 of us bathing/showering daily, twice in some cases, it doesnt last long and immersion seems to be on constantly.
ANYWAY
progress has been made, and come hell or high water, tomorrow she goes (i pray).

OP posts:
AnyFuleKno · 08/10/2009 21:48

Well done RS.

I'd imagine that when she has her own child she'll be absolutely horrified at the memory of this

sparkle09 · 08/10/2009 21:57

just marking thread,

RenderedSpeechless - well done, you are doing the right thing, good luck for tomorrow, i hope it all goes as well as it can.

(also being very good and not stealing any chocolate! )

JustAnotherManicMummy · 08/10/2009 21:59

Her name's not Antonia is it? I once knew a mad Italian woman called Antonia who had no social boundaries.

She said she was 32 but was actually 54

Ahh, those were the days... would be interesting to know what happened to her.

Dominique07 · 08/10/2009 22:04

I really hope you enjoy some precious time with yr partner and children this weekend!

BrokenBananaTantrum · 08/10/2009 22:09

You are brilliant RS. I know others have said it but you are so doing the right thing as you do need to focus on you adn your own family.

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