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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to ask friend, who came from abroad to visit new baby & family, to leave?

473 replies

RenderedSpeechless · 07/10/2009 11:48

This is my first AIBU, please be gentle with me. i really am in a dilemma about this and willing to consider all viewpoints. she in in house with me now, so typing fast. apols in advance for typos and poss having to 'reveal by stealth'. tia

friend came last week to visit me, newborn and family. after two days she states that she came on open ticket and had come to 'help'. however, as my cousin is living with and helping me, my friend has decided to get a job until christmas, before flying back home.

so, yesterday, she enquired in the local shopping centre and updated her cv. this has MY address and phone number on. she didnt ask in advance and i was too chicken to say anything at the time. im worried this is the thin end of the wedge and that she will need bank account, NI number etc in my address.

the overall situation is far from ideal. she is sleeping on the settee, has a bag in the hallway and another in my bedroom. there are a total of 7 people now living in my 3 bedroom home. no mention has been made,by me or her, about this arrangement. am usually mindful to use appliances at night, when its cheaper. she puts on heating, washing machine, tumble drier without a second thought and its starting to rile me. she also involves with managing children, to which i have commented, but i dont want her to feel gauche and unwelcome. i feel bad typing this post and maybe shouldnt say anything? i have 3 week old, is it my hormones and aibu?

OP posts:
Heated · 09/10/2009 22:24

Perhaps Rendered has gorged herself on the leftover limoncello and tiramasu her guest couldn't fit into her bags & won't be in a coherent state to post until tomorrow.

Night night.

RenderedSpeechless · 09/10/2009 22:25

oh please, just read last few cynical comments. am not winding anyone up honest, and please no-one scream 'troll' at me. i dont post often and dont think my nerves would cope with that ontop of this.

OP posts:
JJ · 09/10/2009 22:25

Oh well done!

addictedtosuckingblood · 09/10/2009 22:25

well, if she cant see shes bu than shes not worth having as a friend.

glad shes gone and the whole saga is over for you.
.
congratulations on the birth, now you focus on you and your baby

electra · 09/10/2009 22:25

Oh RS - poor you You clearly have the patience of a saint though!

6feetundertheGroundhogs · 09/10/2009 22:25

Oh bless you! Thank GOD! Hopefully your DB will do some explaining to her...

Don't feel shit, sometimes you have to stand up for yourself and she WAS taking the piss, most definately. She may not have known it, but she was.

Breathe.. Deep breaths! Well done RS!!

Wonderstuff · 09/10/2009 22:26

You did the right thing, hopefully in time she will understand. Enjoy your baby, try not to worry.

nofarkingway · 09/10/2009 22:26

But why do you feel guilty you have a teeny tiny baby that im sure would just like to get to know you and your dp and its siblings.

Heated · 09/10/2009 22:27

Excellent news!!

offers up tiramisu and limoncello anyway!

JustAnotherManicMummy · 09/10/2009 22:27

Hooray!

JustAnotherManicMummy · 09/10/2009 22:28
Naat · 09/10/2009 22:28

RS, it's not your fault, she's the one that was clueless and inconsiderate when you've JUST given birth to a baby! Hope you enjoy your evening with a glass of wine and your weekend with your family at last!

scrimble · 09/10/2009 22:28

You're a star. You mustn't feel guilty. She should never have put you in this situation in the first place.

Take care and enjoy your newest little person.

SolidGhoulBrass · 09/10/2009 22:30

You did the right thing. You might even have done her a favour; she might learn to think a bit and not swan through life expecting everyone else just to feed, house and indulge her in future.

supersalstrawberry · 09/10/2009 22:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YorkshireTeaDrinker · 09/10/2009 22:31

Well done RS. I've been following the thread since Wednesday, I think you've handled it really well.

RenderedSpeechless · 09/10/2009 22:32

sbg, i so doubt it.

thanx again all.

OP posts:
SCARYspicemonster · 09/10/2009 22:33

Well I think you deserve a big round of applause for standing firm in the face of stubborn rudeness. I read the entire thread today with a on my face.

Enjoy your newest DC and be proud of your resolve

WickedWitchSouthWest · 09/10/2009 22:34

chin up renderered. all sorted, she's emotional so are you I'm sure your paths will cross again. In the meantime [clink clink glasses]

Alibooobaandthe40phantoms · 09/10/2009 22:35

RS - please don't think I was being cynical - I wasn't at all! If it HAD been a wind up then it would have been a tremendous one, us all sat here frantically refreshing waiting for news

Please don't feel guilty, she is the one at fault. Her and to an extent your family for not having the balls to tell her to get out on your behalf.

Now have a lovely night's sleep (well as much as you can with a 3 week old!), and enjoy your weekend as a family

MaLopez · 09/10/2009 22:36

Ah, don't worry about not seeing her again. It is a fallacy that friends are for life.

On a brighter note. You have achieved the near impossible. An AIBU thread where you had 100% support

PurpleCrazyHorse · 09/10/2009 22:36

Well done RS you've done a grand job

Northernlurker · 09/10/2009 22:39

Glad to see she's been evicted. Who needs Big Brother when you have mumsnetter evicting freeloader!

Katisha · 09/10/2009 22:44

Phew

RenderedSpeechless · 09/10/2009 22:46

ha. just finished reading all the posts i missed. so fu-uu-ny; damn wighed i was reading them instead if sittling through her teary exit speech.

just hope this episode doesnt etch lasting bad memories; really would like to be friends again - way in the distant future, or when newborn is in university.

anyway, c'est la vie - or whatever the italian equivalent is!

goodnight all! x

OP posts: