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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in thinking this is tmi for a two-year-old?

181 replies

Annya · 07/10/2009 09:36

My friend is a month away from giving birth to her second baby. She told me the other day she had told her elder daughter - two and a half - that when the new baby was born, mummy was going to push it out from her tummy between her legs, a bit like a big poo! And when she asked the little girl where it was going to come out, the dd grabbed her own crotch (not in a vulgar way, just demonstrating she knew where). Does this seem a bit ott in terms of information? Or maybe I am being a bit prudish. I know its none of my business but I am just intrigued to see what people think?

OP posts:
InmyheadIminParis · 08/10/2009 18:47

I guess what I meant to say was, just because you might feel embarrassed explaining where babies come out of, a 2.5 year old would be fascinated, not embarrassed to find out all about it.

CarmenSanDiego · 08/10/2009 20:53

Well said, Inmyhead. Kids handle facts brilliantly. They just ask what they need and file it away for future discussion/thought. Better to start an open dialogue as early as possible and let them know they can come to you whenever they need to for information.

(I am not saying sit your 18 month down and shout vagina at them, but answer their questions honestly and tell them things that are going to affect them. If you or a close friend is having a baby for example, they may be worrying away about how it's going to come out but not say anything)

LissyGlitter · 08/10/2009 21:24

My 2.5 yo DD asked me what the cs scar on my belly was AGES ago. I just told her that when she was born, she tried to come out of my front bottom like most babies do, but she got stuck so the doctors cut her a hole in my belly and helped her out. I also told her they gave me a special medicine so it didn't hurt.

We watched a video today that had a short birth scene (from bump to breastfeeding) and she asked why the lady was crying, so I told her that sometimes it does hurt when a baby comes out, but the mummy doesn't mind because she is so happy to see her new baby. I then told her again that her baby sister (who will be born in the next month or so) will not make me hurt, except maybe a little bit at the beginning.

She later spontaneously told me that the doctors had to help her be born by lifting her out of a hole. She also said that when she is a big lady she will have big boobies to feed babies with.

I don't see why you wouldn't tell a child all this, especially a female child, I am hoping that giving her a good grounding in the wonders of a female body will help stave off the horrors of societal pressure.

I would hate her to learn about her own body through tv, or worse, other kids in the playground.

LissyGlitter · 08/10/2009 21:33

Oh, and I have loads of friends who think me even referring to buying a breast pump is completely disgusting. I would hazard that they were told that having babies and anything connected with it was dirty as children, and I feel so sorry for them if/when they decide to have kids. It can't do much good for their sex lives either, being so scared of basic functions of the human body.

pigletmania · 08/10/2009 22:20

"Lol at the idea of a 2.5yo not asking how a baby will come out of a tummy! 2.5 is the classic age for interesting, difficult and embarresingly straightforward questions!"

Erm Dailmailnamechanger thats generalising all 2.5 year olds really, not all are going to be the same, your dc might but not all. Just because they dont ask yet at that age does not make children not normal. My 2.7 year old is nowhere near that yet. She will ask me in her own good time when she is ready and will explain it to her in an age appropriate way.

lilyjen · 08/10/2009 22:26

age appropriate was my point too

seeker · 08/10/2009 22:27

So at what age is it appropriate to know where babies come from?

lilyjen · 08/10/2009 22:28

I've also decided that 18 month old children don't have conversations and gd grammar and are also highly unlikely to ask where babies come out.come off it!

pigletmania · 08/10/2009 22:37

erm seeker would it be appropriate to tell a toddler when asked where babies came from that " mummy and daddy had sex (daddy put his penis in mummys vagina), daddy produces sperm which fertilises mummys egg which develops into a baby, the baby then grows in mummys womb for 9 mothns where it comes out of her vagina" well i certainly would not and my 2.7 year old dd certainly would not even comprehend this detailed information which they do not need to know the full extent of when they are babies themselves.

pigletmania · 08/10/2009 22:41

When my dd asks i will tell her using an adapted version of this substituting certain technical ones. And no i will not tell dd that a stork delivered her to me when i asked for a baby

mummygirl · 09/10/2009 06:29

lilyjen thank you for the personal insult of calling me a liar/ possibly delluded. I know what my dd could and could not do and at what age, I was simply telling a story and couldn't care less whether you believed me or not. Don't judge other people's children by comparing with your own. And you yourself might have 6 kids and they will all develop differently from each other, this is a fact of life.

on a lighter note, when dd was 3 decided when she's big like mummy she'll grow boobs to feed babies and so will her brother. I had to explain that boys don't grow boobs and she was in tears, feeling so upset for her little brother that will never have boobs lolol

TheMitsubishiWarrioress · 09/10/2009 06:52

My DS could talk at 18mnths, it is getting him to stop that is the problem! (he is 11 now). I can't remember when he showed an interest in where he came from but DD has only been curious in the last year (she is 6).

I am open and honest using language she can grasp, but I did draw the line when she asked me to show her where the baby came fron

pigletmania · 09/10/2009 08:17

wow it is amazing to see the differences between children, for example my dd 2.7 is still learning to talk and has not asked me anything but mummygirls dds are talking fluently and understanding very well, i know that dd will catch up soon enough. I would still tell my dd if she asked while still very young where babies come from that i would point to my tummy and say that they come from a special place inside mummy where they grow, if then when she askes where they come out i would say that they would come out from mummies minnie or twinkle and point to where it is, well we do call boys penis willy or winkle so why have different names for girls bits , then when shes older would tell her the more technical terms.

troutpout · 09/10/2009 08:25

My son (my first child) began talking at 6 months...he was talking in complete sentences by 12 months. He never babbled. I thought it was perfectly normal at the time So it's perfectly poss to talk at 18 months
He also has High functioning autism

Both of my children asked that question at about that age and would have had the same answer that the OP's friend got.

mummygirl · 09/10/2009 08:31

pigletmania, don't worry. My mate's girl wasn't crawling until she was 12 months and didn't walk until 19 months. She's now a perfeclty happy and healthy 3 year old, bounding aroudn with her friends. IME it doesn't mean anything about their iq or future achievements as long as they get there in the end

JennyPennyNAPPYWEB · 09/10/2009 08:34

I think its fine. And TBH - it is a bit like a big poo!

cory · 09/10/2009 08:36

I don't get the idea that somehow being told about babies and childbirth takes away childhood innocence.

Does that mean we shouldn't tell them anything? Not that lions live in Africa or that ice is frozen water or that the sun warms the earth? Is anything that tampers with ignorance a threat to childhood innocence? Or is there something peculiarly non-innocent about child-birth that does not apply to other facts of natural history?

To me, this is just one of the many weird and wonderful things about the weird and wonderful world we find ourselves in. And as I remember dc's early years, I seemed to spend my time as a perpetual story-teller: telling them about penguins and tampons and ammonites and babies. Isn't that the wonderful thing about childhood: that they want to learn?

We are not on a farm, but the house is rather full of live-bearing fish with massively over-sixed, not to mention over-active, willies penises gonopodiums, so the children no doubt worked that one out from an early age. The only thing that might have occasioned some surprise was to find that Daddy didn't actually need to thrash a whole group of other males to get at Mummy

pigletmania · 09/10/2009 08:51

lol mummygirl yes, i am a perfect example of that i was late to talk and toilet train and slower to reach some developmental milestones but now have 2 degrees yes she will get there in the end

pigletmania · 09/10/2009 08:52

Yes we can all beg to differ, but at the end of the day its up to invividual parents who know their dcs how they approach it

lilyjen · 09/10/2009 12:56

talking complete sentances by 12 months?

TheLadyEvenstar · 09/10/2009 13:07

Trout DS1 was also talking in sentences by 12/13m his first was "Get that Cat" at 11months.

jennymac · 09/10/2009 13:33

I have to confess that I gave my dd (now 3) similar information when she asked and she went round for ages afterwards pretending to push a baby out. I don't think that having some general knowledge at that age is too bad a thing - will make it less of a shock when she finds out all the gory details later!

Hulababy · 09/10/2009 13:47

For the doubters - another example of early talker here too. DD said first words from 6 months, was saying simple sentences from 12 moths. By 18m could have simple converstaions. By 2y she was very clear to all who spoke to her.

Apparently I was the same, my sister was the same (brother less so) and my mum was the same.

It is perfectly possible for a 18m to be talking!

TheMitsubishiWarrioress · 09/10/2009 14:23

Is it a reflection on how much the parents talk do you think?

TheLadyEvenstar · 09/10/2009 14:33

LOL TheMistu,nope because i talk to ds2 as much and he doesn't say as much as ds1 did at the same age...

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