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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in thinking this is tmi for a two-year-old?

181 replies

Annya · 07/10/2009 09:36

My friend is a month away from giving birth to her second baby. She told me the other day she had told her elder daughter - two and a half - that when the new baby was born, mummy was going to push it out from her tummy between her legs, a bit like a big poo! And when she asked the little girl where it was going to come out, the dd grabbed her own crotch (not in a vulgar way, just demonstrating she knew where). Does this seem a bit ott in terms of information? Or maybe I am being a bit prudish. I know its none of my business but I am just intrigued to see what people think?

OP posts:
claw3 · 07/10/2009 11:34

Annya - Just remembered (been a long time since i was asked, my older two are 16 and 13 now) i used to have one of those pregency diary's with week by week pictures and ds and i used to read it and look at the pictures each week.

DailyMailNameChanger · 07/10/2009 11:35

Lol at the idea of a 2.5yo not asking how a baby will come out of a tummy! 2.5 is the classic age for interesting, difficult and embarresingly straightforward questions!

It is the same old victorian argument.... "why scare them with such disgusting things" as opposed to "why would they be scared at all if it is all dealt with matter of factly from the earliest possible opportunity"

Also there is a huge difference to a two line outline of a birth and actually seeing one although I am not convinced that most children would be scared by seeing a normal straightforward delivery - in fact I can see an argument for a long term advantage to sibilings being present at births!

Op, YABU, what your freind chooses to tell her dd is up to her, regardless of anything else it is simply not your place to question this, it is not a child abuse situation so you need to just shrug it off as one of those things that makes us all interesting and different.

Original poster
Annya · 07/10/2009 11:40

OK, I stand corrected. I guess I was just being naive in thinking a two year old would ask how it was coming out.

theyoungvisitor - I wasn't adding it in as a topic to be discussed I was just replying to a poster who said it was beautiful. And altho it is - in a sense - it would not be beautiful for everyone.

OP posts:
Tambajam · 07/10/2009 11:42

Seems absolutely fine to me. What would you rather?

FairyMum · 07/10/2009 11:45

I remember telling my ds1 how babies were made and he looked at me as if I had gone completely bonkers and walked away from his mad mummy.

theyoungvisiter · 07/10/2009 11:51

It was me who said birth was beautiful Annya.

The remark was in response to Lilyjen's comment that children should not be told the facts of life because "innocence was beautiful".

I was trying to make the point that innocence is only beautiful when the truth is ugly. And in this case the truth (how babies are born) is NOT ugly.

TrillianSlasher · 07/10/2009 11:53

It actually is rather a lot like a big poo, though

anniemac · 07/10/2009 12:08

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anniemac · 07/10/2009 12:11

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claw3 · 07/10/2009 12:12

Why would you say bottom, instead of vagina?

DuelingFANGo · 07/10/2009 12:14

yabu. Of course it's ok to teach a child about where babies come from.

smee · 07/10/2009 12:29

I told DS matter of fact about birth when he was two because he asked and he took it in without a murmur. But then I told him eggs are laid by chickens and he screamed 'No!'. Completely thought it was a wind up..

anniemac · 07/10/2009 12:33

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hullygully · 07/10/2009 12:37

What's wrong with front bottom? So much more refined. Or, as in this house, under frontal nethers.

claw3 · 07/10/2009 12:42

Anniemac wasnt a test sorry if thats how it come across, was just interested in why. As you had said that you were not told the truth and when you found out you were repulsed and disgusted.

lilyjen · 07/10/2009 12:48

to: theyoungvisitor
I didn't say birth WASN'T a beautiful thing, I think sex is a beautiful thing too but I wouldn't volunteer the information to small child..no, my point was WHY was the child told not what she was told. I don't believe in telling children fairy stories like the stork but I think you have an interesting opinion on what you assume children of 6 already must know from school? I don't think they do you know..besides it's not what they hear from somewhere else it's what you tell them that is important. Most children will give you a clue to how much they know or ask questions if they're curious so I don't see the point in giving info without being asked. In the case of a homebirth where the child may witness the event then there may be grounds for a chat about where the baby will come from to soften any possible surprise or shock but the question by annya did not state that was the case.

Ineedmorechocolatenow · 07/10/2009 12:50

My 2.5 asked a lot of questions before DD was born. He knew that I had a baby in my tummy, that mummy would have to squeeze it out, and that it would come out of a special hole between her legs....

Sounds like your friend was spot on to me.

It totally depends on how developed your DC is. My DS wanted to know, I told him. he didn't seem bothered by the information at all....

Sassybeast · 07/10/2009 12:50

I think YABU apart from the poo thing. That's a bit odd.

apostropheisback · 07/10/2009 13:24

YABU. I don't even think the poo thing is unreasonable, as it's a pretty fair comparison that the child can understand.

theyoungvisiter · 07/10/2009 13:41

lilyjen - we were absolutely discussing where babies come from at age 6/7. I remember being that age very well and I can remember a lot of those conversations. I had the facts pretty much correct from my (very down to earth) mum, but there were a lot of children passing out utter rubbish and scary stories. I remember one friend saying that being pregnant was a disease that you caught from breathing the breath of pregnant women, and that you should hold your breath if you passed a pregnant woman in the street or you could end up pregnant too. This was when I was exactly 6.

I think you are being incredibly naive if you think 1) other 6 yo children don't know any information about the facts of life and 2) they won't volunteer that information to others.

Also in answer to your comment, "besides it's not what they hear from somewhere else it's what you tell them that is important".
I profoundly disagree. What they hear from others is EXTREMELY important, if they don't have correct information from you to counteract it. If a girl's mother doesn't tell you anything, and her best friend tells her that you can get pregnant from holding hands with a boy and then it falls out when you are on the loo, who do you think she will believe?

stickylittlefingers · 07/10/2009 13:44

reading this has reminded me how the first poo after giving birth can feel worse than the birth itself. So I don't think it's an unreasonable comparison

catkinq · 07/10/2009 13:44

reminds me of something I read somewhere where a paramedic ended up delivering a baby during a powercut and having to get the small sibling to hold the tourch (no available childcare as an emergancy). After it was all over the paramedic asked the little girl what she thought of it all and she said "well that baby shouldn't have crawled up there in the first place".

mummygirl · 07/10/2009 13:49

lilyjen, it think you're a bit naive. Maybe you should have a chat with your dd and find out what she knows/believes, the fact that she's not asking you is a little bit worrying.
It might mean that she thinks she has the info she needs and maybe even that she can't discuss the matter with you, if you haven't volunteered the info until now.

IMO you should try and make her fel comfortable with asking YOU to answer her questions. She's bound to have a lot.

BalloonSlayer · 07/10/2009 13:50

I have had 3 caesareans and like most Mums tend to reminisce about the day they were born on their birthdays, so what I have tended to say is that:

When babies are born they are supposed to come out of a special hole near your bottom but in your case I had to have an operation where the doctor cut my tummy open and took you out.

lilyjen · 07/10/2009 16:25

Ok i'm open to yr opinions abt 6 yr olds, I knew the facts of life at 6 but thats because I was abused so I guess I don't know the 'norm' I will find out wot my daughter thinks, thanks for yr comments as it cd actually help me if I have got it wrong!

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