in thinking this is tmi for a two-year-old?

[Annya]

My friend is a month away from giving birth to her second baby. She told me the other day she had told her elder daughter - two and a half - that when the new baby was born, mummy was going to push it out from her tummy between her legs, a bit like a big poo! And when she asked the little girl where it was going to come out, the dd grabbed her own crotch (not in a vulgar way, just demonstrating she knew where). Does this seem a bit ott in terms of information? Or maybe I am being a bit prudish. I know its none of my business but I am just intrigued to see what people think?

lol, yes theyoungvisiter!

ok last night I said to her-'you know that babies grow in yr tummy don't you'? and she said 'yeah' so I said 'how do you think they come out'? and she said 'you go to hospital and the doctor takes them out yr tummy' so I said 'ok' I even asked her how she thought they got there (being an open person not prob how i've portrayed myself-i'm not actually AFRAID of the subject) and she said 'they're just there! (pointing at her tummy) and looking at me like it was obvious and I was mad! So I said 'ok' and changed the subject, she didn't ask any questions and I don't think she's curious about it at the mo.

I guess some are and some aren't. Being open and honest with yr children is what I totally believe too and back to my original point it's not WHAT you tell them it's WHY..too much too soon..these were my points.

fair enuogh lilyjen, but had your daughter asked at 18 months (like mine and others I know), then it wouldn't be too soon for her, right? Would you tell her that it comes out mummy's vagina? And why not?

I'm not questioning your parenting btw, I'm just honestly curious about how people with adifferent point of view to mine would handle it.

YABU (although I wouldn't personally phrase it as 'big poo' - yuck!)

Children are absolutely fine if you tell them the truth in a non-scary, age-appropriate way. Mine were around for the home birth of their baby brother and I talked with them a lot to prepare them. No 'loss of innocence' or any such nonsense ensued and they drew lovely pictures of me and the birthing pool and ds for their 'what did I do over the holidays' stories at school.

I really feel the wish to protect their innocence is misguided and wrapped up in very adult taboos and fears.

No I wouldn't have said 'vagina' to an 18 month old baby because it's not something I think they need to know, I guess there's an age I wouldn't go beyond even if they did ask so everyone will hate me now and think i'm terribly old fashioned (lol) but that's ok..just my opinion (for the record I wd of told my 6 yr old had she asked-still wouldn't call it a vagina though)! I think when kids so young ask such questions (if they do, i've never experienced that myself but i'l take yr word for it) it's highly unlikely they'll understand the answer..which is another point I suppose. A baby is bigger than a vagina (scary thought) so i'd prob want more definate evedience that that was REALLY what they were asking b4 leaping in to confuse let them know..sorry if my comments offend just speaking my mind here

But a vagina is just a body part

Lilyjen, do you feel that knowing the word 'vagina' is harmful to your child? Could you explain how?

Wow mummygirl your dc is quite advanced my dd 2.7 is just only learning to talk and if i asked her questions about hwere babies come from she would give me a blank look, gosh my dd is still so young for her age nevermind she will get there and will broach the subjects when she starts to learn more about the world. We trying for dc number 2 so will be a great talking point later on if it happens

Not harmful-just a bit of a heavy word for a tot. Well no doubt I sound old fashioned..I watched a documentary once-there was a single dad on it who had 3 sons and he refered to their body part as a 'penis' I must admit it made me cringe..and I cd def tell it made the cringe..not enough to be harmful or scar them for life you understand-just cringy

This is very interesting. I wonder if growing up on a farm (well something similar) has pretty much made cringing impossible for me? When you have helped with the lambing from 5+ you harbour no illusions!

But if your children are educated earlier on, then they'll grow up a bit more knowledgeable and they won't be cringing.

Break the cycle!

I think actually the real answer is probably very much dependant on children's environments and lifestyles. It prob hasn't entered my daughter's head but I can see that a child living on a farm will know it all. There is no wrong and right and I keep going back to the original point but it's WHAT you say it's WHY. Oh and mummygirl yr DC is very advanced is that because you discuss things openly if front of yr DC?

Wouldn't describe it as a big poo but dont think there is anything wrong with a basic level of honesty.
with DS1 he knew that mummy has a poo hole a wee hole and a baby hole - this is how his little brother would get out of my tummy.

I think that it all depends on the child and the age of them, if they want to know and are asking questions then yes you approach it at a level that they will be able to comprehend. I am fine about my 2.7 year old not knowing and understanding she will in time i am not going to push it until i am asked. I am not going to approach her and ask her about where babies come from if her comprehension is not, at a level to be able to process it. When children are very very young like toddler age you do user alternative words to describe body parts, as they get older you teach them the correct anatomical words for it. I would not say that a pooh comes from an anus i would say bum

thanks pigletmania lol

oh dear i meant poo , i am a winnie the poo fan. I do also feel that you can tell too much too young when their just babies themselves really. Not that i am a prude or anything, i remember when i was 13 i did not have a clue about periods asked my mum who said that i did nto need to know, that week i started them and i was so scared so i would definitely do things different to my mum and be much more approachable in terms of sex and where babies come from.

well, not all my dc. my dd was able to hold a conversationat 18 months, with proper grammar and all, but couldn't for the love of god get the hang of using the toilet until she was 3.6 at the day, and another year after that to get rid of nappies at night. They just all develop differently, don't they?
But when I expected dc2 she was asking all sorts of questions and I always answered, I was reading her age appropriate books to prepare her for the arrival of her sibling etc.
When I expected dc3, I had to talk to dc2 about the imminent arrival as I was heavily pregnant and he didn't even seem to notice . When I said to him that there's a baby in mummy's tummy and he's going to come and live with us (he was just over 2) he kind of nodded and decided to give his cuddly toy to the new baby (so sweet) and didn't even ask anything. So I left it at that, he was obviousl not ready/ didn't care.

But the child the OP refers to DID ask, I gather.

I don't discuss things openly, I feel out the level of the child's understanding and discuss things accordingly. And lilyjen , noone is to tell you you haven't done the right thing by your daughter, but as you admit, HAD she asked, you would have explained.

Pigletmania, I'm sure your dd will have a lot of questions once your belly starts growing, it probably hasn't crossed her mind it could happen, but when it'll be an everyday reality chances are she'll wonder what's going on (unless she's anything like my dc2)

Oh, and by the way, I have explained to my children that they might hear by other children or adults "different" names that people might use to describe vaginas and penises and gave a few examples, but they wanted to know WHY people use different words and WHY only for those body parts and not, for instance, for our knees or elbows.
THEN I was lost for words.

although to be pendantic (sp?), it's vulva rather than a vagina, isn't it? I find "vulva" though such a horrible word acoustically

pigletmania are you a poo fan?

And you said you'd email me, never did

I don't think the child in the OP did ask which was my point, interestingly it sounds like we're actually all of a similar opinion and it's how things come across that brings up loads of new questions and debates. (and I wd of only explained now rather than when my DD was a tot but that's only where we may differ I think)

He he yes, sorry mummygirl will try tonight been so busy, dd has been a bit clingy since starting nursery this week by the time ive put her to bed i am wiped out. will do now

i have just e mailed you mummygirl

We live an hour from the hospital and dp worked an hour and a half in the opposite direction so i had little choice but to make sure dd and ds1 were prepared in case i went into labour while i was home alone with them and dp was at work.

They were 2 and 3/4 and i even had them watch birth programs with me as they were so young that i couldn't even have sent them out of the room if i'd had an emergancy labour with no-one around to take them so needed them to completely understand what would happen... they were completely unfazed and seemed to bond all the better with ds2 for it.

It was just as well in the end as i went into labour on a very icey morning and my mother took almost 3 hours to get here and i was in strong labour for that whole time... because they'd been prepared they were unbothered by seeing me obviously in pain... they gave me a kiss better every now and again but other than that were happy enough watching tv and playing while i crawled around the floor groaning

I think kids cope far better knowing the truth about things tbh than sugar coated fluffiness that only confuses them later on

YABU. Two year olds are pumped full of lots of utterly surprising and odd information all the time - the world's round like a ball but we don't fall off, milk comes from cows, etc, etc... why should where a baby comes out from be any less unusual / fascinating? Plus, if they have all the information when they're young you'll never need to have the embarrassed teenage 'talk'. I'm with your friend.