in thinking this is tmi for a two-year-old?

[Annya]

My friend is a month away from giving birth to her second baby. She told me the other day she had told her elder daughter - two and a half - that when the new baby was born, mummy was going to push it out from her tummy between her legs, a bit like a big poo! And when she asked the little girl where it was going to come out, the dd grabbed her own crotch (not in a vulgar way, just demonstrating she knew where). Does this seem a bit ott in terms of information? Or maybe I am being a bit prudish. I know its none of my business but I am just intrigued to see what people think?

The kids in DS's class are all talking about babies (being made and born, there are lots of babies on the way) and he is in year 1. I know this because I was on a museum trip and overheard them chattering about it when it was lunchtime. Was pleased to hear that it was all pretty accurate actually.

What the 2yo has been told sounds fine to me and TBH when DS asked how it felt to push a baby out I did tell him it felt rather like doing a big poo (because it did!).

Best to tell them the truth early on so it doesn't come as a shock later I think. I am considering having this baby at home and if I do, I see no reason why DS can't be about.

To: theyoungvisitor I'm afraid to announce that my dd really DOESN'T know how babies are born! all she knows is babies grow in yr tummy. I am NOT nieve my instinct was right and it's funny the way other people's opinions can make you wonder but aren't nessisarily true! I don't think my dd's friends at school do discuss these things yet either and actually i'd be surprised if many 6 yr olds do..it's hardly something they're interested in at the mo..my bet is they talk abt high school musical and do cartwheels, probably the extent of their 'grown up' talk is 2 have a giggle at the words 'minnie' and 'winkie'! However I guess it's where you live as well and how the children are draggedbrought up (hmm)

That's awful Lilyjen. You are absolutely right that abused children do not know the "norms" (speaking from personal experience ). One of the ways in which you can protect your children from falling prey to abusers is to give them lots of clear info about sex from the start - don't wait for questions. There is a book in our local library (by Miriam Stoppard) and it gives age appropriate sex advice for you to share with kids. Eg at age 3 it might be the baby is in mummy's womb and then at age 5 it might go into more detail. The main thing is to keep the info flowing. If you don't raise the subject, at the very least she might be worried that she can't either. You can also use it as an opportunity to explain in a calm way what sort of touching by adults is not OK and why she should always tell you if anyone does try anything. None of us can protect our kids 100% but keeping the conversations going, letting them know they can talk to us and we will listen is one of the best defences.

sorry meant to say I think the book is by Miriam Stoppard - not totally sure.

lilyjen, the fact that one persons 6yo knows different things to your 6yo does not make them "dragged up" your inference that oher posters children are not being bought up correctly is quite offensive.

Innocence is a beautiful thing. Ignorance, however, isn't.

OP - YABU, probable the 2 year old asked and was given a truthful response.

lilyjen - I'd be willing to bet money your 6 year old knows more than you think, or perhaps more appropriately - thinks more than you know. I'd also be hugely shocked if nearly ALL six year olds had not been through or were not currently going through various playground discussions about babies, conception and puberty. Lots of school age children have got pregnant mums, new baby siblings or pregnant family members or friends - this rather precipitates the barrage of questions. I agree that if your dd is not asking you that is rather worrying and suggests she might have learned you don't want to give her the answers.

I think it's both nice and necessary to share your pregnancy and birth with your existing children. My children have really enjoyed looking in the baby book since 6 weeks, learning about how babies are made, how they grow and how they are born. They are very comfortable and secure in what is happening and excited about their new brother and sister's imminent arrival.

They have really enjoyed going to some of the scans to see the babies on the screen and it has prompted them both to ask lots of different questions about various things to do with sex, conception, pregnancy, labour, birth and puberty.

6 years old is very late to be getting your first information about all these subjects IME. If you haven't spoken to your children about these things by then they will have gleaned information from the schoolyard and we all know that children like to sensationalise things to impress other people. Who knows what the child'll think then?!

As for high school musical?! That vile rubbish is a far more negative influence on a young child than the simple truth about the beginnings of life IMO! It's hardly a sign of innocence and good parenting to have little girls modelling themselves on over sexualised, fame hungry, teenagers.

omg must be some two year old to understand that, my 2.7 year old would not have a clue, though she is quite young for her age. Yes i am glad that my dd is too young to understand at the moment, this seems like a conversation that a 4 year old would have. There is such thing as information overload to and using too technical terms so young.

Think that is is perfectly okay to tll a 2y the truth of how baby gets out. I told DD that babies come out of a special hole near your bottom. She was pretty young when she asked.

She also knows that she wasn't born that was as she was too lazy and cosy, and needed some help being pulled out - so I have a scar on my tummy where the doctors helped her out.

My child is definitely not dragged up BTW. I just believe in answering her questions truthfully as she asks, in an age appropraite way using age appropriate language. As yet she doesn't know the bioloies of sex and making babies, bar it requiring a man and woman and a seed and egg. But when she asks, I will tell her.

However also need to add that really there is nothing wrong with a bit of HSM for 6 and 7y either. Very much harmless musical fun for the age group.

Well my 2.7year old is nowhere near that at the moment and would just stare at me blankly if i told her about it. She is just learning to talk let alone asking questions about life at the moment. I think that answering them in an age appropriate way is fine and would do it when she starts to ask me questions.

lol i'm just speaking my mind that is the point of this site..not indending to cause offence but it is true that for some the reason they know too much IS because of bad influences-it certainly wasn't a PERSONAL comment to the person I was talking to..anyway thanks for the advice mrssantoisafeminist that was a really nice helpful comment and curiositykilled-bet all the money you like I know my dd better than you..lol lets not get too worked up..i'm a v nice person really!

P.S my dd doesn't watch high school musical she just gets swept along by the hype-no big deal!

um, thanks for the personal insults lilyjen

Telling your 6 year old child the facts of life is not equivalent to "dragging them up" and I find that inference extremely insulting.

FWIW I grew up in an extremely middleclass village with children of university professors, journalists and civil servants. Not that that has anything to do with it - but your comments about the "area" are wide of the mark. By and large these were clever, inquisitive, thoughtful children with parents who encouraged them to feel able to ask questions.

My children aren't 6 yet, but I'll certainly be making them aware of the facts before then. I don't want to risk them getting unpleasant half-truths from their peers.

lilyjen "However I guess it's where you live as well and how the children are draggedbrought up (hmm)"

Snort, I am in Chelsea daaaahling. Not sure what the area has to do with teaching kids the truth about babies? The 5-6 year olds that I know do talk about babies, pretty much all of DS's class either have baby siblings or have them on the way.

hehe tries to apply "dragged up" to all the little posh kids I know.

How can a child possibly "know too much" if what they know is calmly explained facts? As I said before, innocence is good - ignorance is bad!

well it DOES have a lot to do with where you live. Where is it that you live lilyjen? Corner of 1800's and Prudish St?

lilyjen - 'P.S my dd doesn't watch high school musical she just gets swept along by the hype-no big deal!'

So your dd gets swept along by the hype of a film she has never seen at school, but none of her friends or classmates or any of the children in the playground will have spoken about babies, where they come from or how they get out?

Speaking your mind is allowed on the AIBU threads but not deliberately insulting people who disagree with you. Your comment basically implied that anyone who disagrees with you is dragging their kids up. Then you have just made another comment which implies that you believe any child who knows these things at 6 knows them because of 'bad influences'. Is English not your first language? Your posts are not very cohesive and I am just wondering if perhaps this is the reason you are coming across as being personally insulting to people? Perhaps it is not your intention?

No-one said they know your dd better than you. My comment was that I'd be willing to bet she knows more than you think or thinks more than you know, if you believe at six she has never discussed childbirth and babies in school. This comment implies that I feel there is a greater chance she has than she hasn't. At no point did I say I knew your dd better than you or that you were categorically wrong in your assertion about her lack of knowledge. I believe the chances are greater that there are playground discussions than there aren't. that is all.

(I live in Windsor)Well in a funny way posh kids can be dragged up class isn't something you can buy however that's a point to make rather than a person thing. This country has got, in my opinion, a bit TOO open in what they tell their children from a young age.(I'm actually quite shocked so many ppl agree with the idea of telling children so much so young) My point is that children actually don't want or need to know too much too soon and, in m opinion, I believe that it can actually do more harm than good. Children should be allowed to be children. That's my point. It's not about hiding the truth from them but more on a need to know basis and what they learn in the playground is largly controlled by what other children's parents are telling their children who are passing it to yours. I think it's a shame! to theyoungvisitor-really didn't mean to insult you that was a bit thoughtless in the heat of the moment and I apologise.

So you prefer for your DD to learn about sex and babies from the parents of the other children in the playground?

belgianbun has said how I feel much better than I did and it's nice to know other ppl do think the same things. Morloth I wd rather other childrens parents we're more like me but life isn't like that lol! It's not about 'getting in there before someone else does' in my opinion and that's a shame the way ppl feel that way.

Everything belgianbun said.

But what's wrong with children knowing where babies come from? Country children, or children with lots of pets tend to - why is it a problem?