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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in thinking this is tmi for a two-year-old?

181 replies

Annya · 07/10/2009 09:36

My friend is a month away from giving birth to her second baby. She told me the other day she had told her elder daughter - two and a half - that when the new baby was born, mummy was going to push it out from her tummy between her legs, a bit like a big poo! And when she asked the little girl where it was going to come out, the dd grabbed her own crotch (not in a vulgar way, just demonstrating she knew where). Does this seem a bit ott in terms of information? Or maybe I am being a bit prudish. I know its none of my business but I am just intrigued to see what people think?

OP posts:
corblimeymadam · 08/10/2009 12:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

theyoungvisiter · 08/10/2009 12:17

ok lilyjen - apology accepted

Obviously it's totally up to you what you tell your dd and I'm glad you are confident that her peers aren't filling in the gaps.

curiositykilled · 08/10/2009 12:20

I guess the thing is that different people think different things are the 'wrong' things and that different children, because they are different people, want to know different things at different times and will also need different ways of having things explained.

For me things like HSM, Katie Price, bratz and barbie are the 'wrong' things, for lilyjen it's sex ed, belgian bun it is 'torn ladygardens' - lol! Just for me personally I think it's better to talk honestly when they ask and tell them the truth about whatever it is - katie price/ladygardens/sex. If they are asking they want to know and if you don't tell them they'll find out from somewhere else or even worse, they'll learn not to ask you.

pigletmania · 08/10/2009 12:39

Oh dear I live in Milton Keynes Buckinghamshire, I have no hope

lilyjen · 08/10/2009 12:39

curiositykilled-I agree and because my dd hasn't asked I haven't felt the need to tell her which was my original point. HSM and the other horrible girlie things aren't my preffered choice of influences either for my dd it's just not that easy when it's all around and they get swept up in the hype. Maybe that's what the problem really is anyway-who's telling our children what..maybe my dd would know more about the facts of life if the children in her playground were discussing these things..it's got to be at least partly where you live I think otherwise why are other school playgrounds so different? The lady who lives in Chelsea probably will have experience of wisened children because it's in our captital that ideas about things start so when the trend is to tell their children more about the facts of life they're bound to be their first. I still think it's a shame though..you're only allowed to be a kid for about 10 seconds these days!

pigletmania · 08/10/2009 12:40

sorry meant MiltonKeynes (cough)Buckinghamshire

seeker · 08/10/2009 13:26

Why does knowing where babies come from stop you being a kid?

curiositykilled · 08/10/2009 13:43

seeker - yes, I struggle to understand that.

stickylittlefingers · 08/10/2009 13:45

quite - I knew about insemination (artificial and otherwise) since I can remember knowing about anything. I was a child for a long time tho (not sure if it's really ended yet!). Seriously - knowing about sex is not childhood-ending by any means. It just is the way it is! As much as hairs grow out your head and people die at the end of their lives. The latter is much more difficult to explain, it generally being a sad event. Sex is a fact of life and also fun. Hoorah!

ChazsBarmyArmy · 08/10/2009 13:49

Wreck of the Hesperus when I was pg with DS2 I was telling DS1 (around 3.5 at the time) that I had special doors at the bottom of the womb where the baby was that were shut tightly and that when DS2 was ready to come out my body would pull those doors open. He asked if he came out that way too and I said that in his case he couldn't get out of the doors (undiagnosed breech) and so the doctors cut him a new door through my tummy and showed him my cs scar.
It worked for him at that age. Now he is older I would give a more accurate description.

curiositykilled · 08/10/2009 14:04

Is it that people are worrying about over-sexualisation and abuse of children? Particularly little girls?

I suspect that's what it is.

IMO speaking to children matter of factly about sex, relationships, conception, pregnancy and childbirth can actually protect against abuse. If you give your child a set of rules and knowledge they will be better informed about what is and isn't appropriate and more confident in their own knowledge and choices. They will also be more resistant to someone else trying to educate them about the subjects or impress on them their own values.

I really honestly believe that things like HSM and the quest for celebrity are stealing childhood from little girls much more than knowing about sex or childbirth. We are all, children included, bombarded constantly by varying degrees of pornographic images. Things like HSM and Lelli Kelly shoes are just the first level of things that include music videos, those awful child beauty pageants and FHM, playboy and Nuts e.t.c. IMO anyway.

lilyjen · 08/10/2009 14:07

nah...

lilyjen · 08/10/2009 14:09

curiositykilled-how do you stop yr child/children being influenced by things? Do they want HSM and barbie etc? How does that work out in yr house?

seeker · 08/10/2009 14:11

I completely agree, curiosity. Boob tubes and high heels for 6 year olds are so much more damaging than factual information about reproduction!

And knowledge is power.

pigletmania · 08/10/2009 14:21

At the moment my 2.7 year old is not asking any questions is is still a very young 2 year old, when she does start then i will approach it in an age appropriate way. I agree that you cant cotton wool children, though it would be nice, they will unfortunately learn from other more streetwise kids

lilyjen · 08/10/2009 14:22

Yuck I wd NEVER allow my dd to wear high heels OR a boob tube..

curiositykilled · 08/10/2009 14:31

They want them, you can't stop them wanting them and you can't really ban them because it makes them more desirable. Having good communication with you children and open lines of conversation about things helps. You can limit the influence of these things through discussion I believe.

My little boy was desperate for a yellow power ranger toy last christmas, it was very expensive and we talked about how I know he likes playing power ranger games with his friends but that he has never actually seen power rangers and so I felt it would be better to choose something that he would really enjoy playing with rather than something he wanted because everyone else was getting it and was from a tv show that he didn't really choose to watch himself. He understood and chose something else. Respect is very important, the children respect my guidance and my feelings, I respect their interests and feelings. We all try anyway.

With girls it is the HSM, barbie, bratz, make up, high heels, boob tubes stuff I dislike. With boys it is the fighting, gun game, computer games things. Anything that starts peaking one of my children's interest from these spectrums is not banned but it is discussed, and they are allowed input into the final decision about the rules of it's allowance.

seeker · 08/10/2009 14:35

lilyjen, you haven't as far as I know, explained why knowing where babies comes from stops kids being kids.

theyoungvisiter · 08/10/2009 14:39

what I struggle to understand is, why do people consider it ok to tell a child that poo comes out of your bottom, but not that a baby comes out of your vagina? Why is it cute and fluffy to explain that a chicken hatches out of an egg, or tadpoles come from frogspawn and become frogs, but somehow damaging to give the same facts about human reproduction?

Honestly, I cannot see what is morally different in conveying facts about either.

lilyjen · 08/10/2009 14:52

Ok I don't see it as damaging to know these things when they genuinally want to know. My point was too much too soon and volunteering info before children are ready to hear it. The reason I think this is because I don't believe really DO want to know I think they find it all a bit daunting and strange and even though it is the most natural thing in the world it's still a bit icky to most kids even ones as old as 10 or 12. I don't think knowing this info stops you BEING a kid but it does take away some of the carefree blissful ignorance of youth (innocence) which is what seperates you from the harsh realities of being an adult. I just think it's on a need to know basis that's all and since children aren't going to have a baby themselves for a very long time I don't see the need to tell all.

curiositykilled · 08/10/2009 15:01

I think it is more icky and more strange the older you are. Much much less icky and more normal at 2 than 10 because at 10 most children are beginning puberty and have a more sexual understanding and perception of themselves and therefore of the facts of life. A two year old just sees it like what the youngvisiter was saying about frogs and chickens.

Children by 10, arguably by 6, are also aware of social norms that mean they are not 'supposed' to talk about sex or ask questions because it is in some way taboo, embarrassing or rude. Having frank open discussions about sex and relationships from early childhood helps the child feel able to talk to you about it all of their lives in the context of their current stage of life.

theyoungvisiter · 08/10/2009 15:02

well hopefully they won't be having a baby for a very long time - but they might be starting puberty or having periods in a couple of years - if not your DD then possibly other girls in her class. It's not unusual to start getting signs at 9 or 10.

IMO if you wait until the 11th hour to communicate these things then they are much more likely to find it "daunting" and "icky" as you put it. Generally there is very little that a 3 year old finds "strange" or "icky", and by introducing the basic ideas then you can build on them when they are ready, and the whole is far less shocking.

theyoungvisiter · 08/10/2009 15:04

x-posted with curiositykilled - but I see we are coming from teh same perspective.

(very apposite name btw - or perhaps I mean inapposite!)

curiositykilled · 08/10/2009 15:05

I think it would also be very rare, in this country, that a parent would volunteer conversations about sex or childbirth with their very young children.

I feel openness is very important but I still find answering questions and talking about things honestly a little embarrassing because I was raised in this country where these topics are taboo. That is a fairly difficult feeling to overcome because those ideals are instilled from a very early age.

theyoungvisiter · 08/10/2009 15:07

BTW Lilyjen, I'm curious to know how you ascertained that your daughter doesn't know anything about sex, without introducing the topic?

How did you ask the question, if you don't mind my asking? I am genuinely curious - just because if you asked my 3 yo "Do you know how babies are made?" his automatic response would be "I don't know, how are they made mummy?"