Pale mixed race baby raising a few eyebrows......

[angelz]

My ds was born 3 months ago and surprised us all by coming out extremly pale with straight red hair, despite having a black father.

I myself am VERY pale, so found it more amusing than shocking as I know how funny genetics can be.

But lately my partner has said that while he loves our ds he is finding it hard as he cannot see himself, or any of his family in ds.

He has even mentioned a paternity test, and while I know in his heart he knows how ridiculous this is, he says sometimes he can't digest what he sees before his eyes.

Has anyone else had similar experiences?.... will our ds darken, or is it really possible that a mixed race baby can stay this white? Even his little ears have a pinkish hue, and his eyelids are almost see through!

Personally I would never have thought it an issue, but can see why my partner may struggle a little with it, people already have given us a few funny looks when I introduce him as ds's father

Loads of sympathy to you, angelz. I come from a rambling mixed race family and yes, there is very permutation in there. More pertinently, I have a black dp and white dd and I know how very hurt my dp (female) is when she gets repeatedly taken for the nanny.

I do think this is more complex than your dh just getting a grip, though. I am sympathetic to his situation, though it really is unacceptable of him to take it out on you. In your position, I think I'd be saying to him, "I understand how tough this is for you, and I will stand with you shoulder to shoulder to help you work through all the painful and difficult feelings it may raise. In turn, I must ask you to stand shoulder to shoulder with me and with our son. The rubbish we will get from other people is a legacy of centuries of racism, and we must not let it divide us."

Sounds pompous, but I really think he needs to hear that sort of message.

I am white and about to adopt a black dd, by the way, so am gritting my teeth for lots of rubbish coming my way.

Hi Angelz, my pale mixed race baby raises a few eyebrows too! Especially when his (black) mum is breastfeeding him in public!

When taking him out I used think that people probably didn't even know that he was mine and that I was probably the childminder. If I was with my ds (he is the spitting image of his dad)I would think that people probably thought he was the child of a previous relationship.

The truth is my fears were actually legitimate because that is exactly what some people did think! I have gotten over it but it did take a while.

To be honest your partner does need to get a grip because children of dual heritage have enough to contend with e.g. being confident in their identity, understanding two cultures, looking 'different' from some members of their family, etc.

I wish you all of the best of luck. As my ds grows up I am going to make sure that I am connected to some sort of support group for mixed families. There may or may not be 'issues' to deal with but it would be nice to share experience, advice, funny stories, etc with people who are in the same boat.

Best of Luck x

Really interesting to hear you are in a similar situation (give or take the paternity test issue! :O)

I think joining a group for mixed race children is a really good idea, and I do wonder about how our little ds will 'cope' with his colour in the midst of his relatives / outside comments, but I have confidence that by teaching him about all his rich heritage, and allowing him to feel secure and love will out weigh any stupid comments made by strangers :O)

Im White british with curly brown hair, blue/grey eyes and my partner is very dark Black (Barbados).
My mum has red on her side and my partner said he has a cousin with deep red hair.
We have a 5 month old son who is the same colour white as me and curly auburn hair and dark brown eyes.
Everyone always says 'Ah dont worry, He'l get darker" and some people even ask if I messed around which is very upsetting for us as you can imagine!!
So far he hasn;t got any darker and I love him to bits.
I guess we will all have to get used to all the questions...!

the red haired gene is recessive which means that it can stay hidden, but still be passed on. Both my parents have dark brown hair, but I have red hair. they both have a red haired gene which is hidden by their stronger dark haired genes.

I'd do the paternity test, just to nip any nagging doubts in his mind right in the bud.

wow, old thread!

Not anything to do with genetics, but my dd1 is very very blonde. As was I as a child. My hair is now dyed very dark brown, my DH's hair is medium brown as is dd2's and DSD's. People ALWAYS comment on how blonde dd2 is and how they wonder where she gets it from. I have explained that it is my natural hair colour but they just look at me like I'm lying. My point is, people can just be funny sometimes, ignore them and enjoy your DS.

Ooops old thread.

My friends baby's father is black she is white, and a very fair white at that. Baby looks 100% white, blue eyes, straight & fine brownish blond hair. He(the father) loves and is very proud of his baby.
I would be quite offended if my dp questioned the baby's paternity, unless there was a logical reason.

OLD thread!

Chopstheduck, your children are gorgeous!

My cousin and her husband are both sallow skinned and have jet black hair, but their eldest girl is pale and has ginger hair. She said they often got dirty looks when out shopping. Their DD1 got her looks from her maternal grandmother, so you don't need 2 ginger-haired parents to have a ginger-haired baby.

Old thread, I know, but I have a question

DP is of Jamaican heritage, I am White British. We both have green-grey eyes. What are the chances of green-eyed baby?

(Can you tell I'm mega broody? )

Children can differ hugely. I don't see why every baby shouldn't have a DNA test. I'd have no problems if my children's father wanted one. Just let him do it. I presume there was no chance of the baby being muddled up in hospital?

I was worried I'd muddle up our twins and kept the labels on them for ages BUT they are so so different (not identical - one very blonde the other with brown hair, totally different shaped faces and one large and one skinny). I have 5 very different children from one father, 3 blonde even though their parents aren't although my brother was and their father was as a child; one brown hair = basically a huge mixture. I think it's a great thing. It means they have a very strong genetic mix.

But just have the DNA test. The child itself might want it done later anyway and it will stop all the gossip and they aren't that expensive.

Wah, old thread! Now I want to know if the DP was finally happy and bonded with his son once he got the results...

My two nephews are mixed race. They were both very white when born but got darker as they got older. They're now 3 and 5 and both look most definitely mixed race.

my ds has very mixed race antecendents...when he was a baby he was a blue eyed, blond Philippino baby (neither me nor ex have blue eyes) now aged 10 he is a blue-eyed mini me, and you cannot tell at all he has SE Asian heritage

Me and my sister are ginger and our mum and dad both have jet black hair! My dad has a ginger beard when he grows one though.
My husbands mum is also ginger so I was convinced our kids would be but I have one blonde dd and a brown haired ds so I look nothing like my parents and my kids look nothing like me!

Damn and blast. I've just read this whole thread, even though I realised it was OLD, because I thought I'd find out at the end how the father reacted after the test.

Did he then bond with the baby, did the OP resent his "mistrust"? Did they turn up on Jeremy Kyle (joke). Why didn't I just scroll to the bottom and save myself half an hour which I will never get back?

FWIW I'm white Welsh, my DS is mixed race, (roughly a quarter African) and in looks is a little duplicate of his Dad. His eyes were dark when he was born, but his hair was fine and blondish until he was about 4.

For those frustrated by the lack of info.... yes dad has bonded with our beautiful, still very ginger, still very pale, darling darling son. It was a difficult time, I will always feel a little sad that my partner didn't trust me, but ultimately I knew he was the one who was having to put up with all the whispers and the looks. Pity he didn't wait a few months though, as by 8 months our very ginger son grew a very ginger afro, so that would have been cheaper proof of his paternity than a DNA test. It's been an eye opener that's for sure .... but all is well
x x x

I knew sisters - white dad, black mum.
One sister was black, wouldn't know she was mixed race at all from her skin colour. THe other had red hair, pale skin and freckles. However, her hair, despite being red, had a texture like an Afro!

I also, in work on maternity ward, came across a child of a black mum who had blonde curly hair. I didn't get the full story so don't know what the dad's colouring was!

My own 2 DCs are mixed race - Indian and White - my DD goes browner the minute the sun thinks about coming out and defintiely looks more Indian/like her dad in colouring and build whereas my DS is much paler and stockier. His hair even went a little blonde in teh sun last year! When we brough him over to meet my ILs, there were so many comments about him looking nothing like his dad that I began to think I should offer a bloody DNA test!

I can see where your partner is coming from, though, to see a child so unlike you could be hard to relate to. At least for mums, we see them coming out of us so we know for sure! Perhaps your child will pick up mannerisms and things like your partner as time goes by which will be nice for him!

Ha - angelz - you posted while I was composing mine. I also hadn't realised it was an old thread but it's fascinating that your DC has an afro just like the girl I knew who was red-haired but mixed race!

I am white mixed race, in that my dad is Greek and my mum is as English as they come. My sister has very olive skin and dark hair like my dad; me and my brother are much more fair. Greeks that note my last name often think I have married into a Greek family as I share no typical characteristics - other than the fact that I am the only one with curly hair!

Obviously this means a lot less when both of my parents are white, but I guess it just goes to show how different people are. I love the differences in the way people look.

How "black" s your partner really? For instance in 1745 in Western Nigeria there was a nasty battle where the British were driven out of a small town, but not before they had raped a few local women. There's been a Moorish community in Cardiff for over 500 years. Obama is actually the 7th or 8th US president with non-caucasian blood in his ancestry, despite all the meeeja hoo ha!.

My sister has a blond haired, blue eyed little darling whom we all adore. She gets the odd look from strangers, but a few minutes in her daughter's company and you soon realise she's so stubborn noone could possibly have given birth to her other than her mother .

I'm a complete cow so I'd do the DNA test as requested, and then make the man's life total hell afterwards for DARING to insult my gorgeous little bundle & I so badly! If he's that ignorant he shouldn't be breeding.