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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to choose to be away for DD's birthday

89 replies

tinkerbellesmuse · 02/10/2009 16:53

I have the opportunity to go to Thailand for a long weekend but it falls on DD's birthday so should I go?

OP posts:

SerendipitousHarlot · 02/10/2009 17:49

I personally wouldn't. But I'm not going to get all judgey if you want to. Your choice innit

How old will she be, actually? Because that makes a bit of a difference.

starwhores · 02/10/2009 17:50

How old is your dd?

mazzystartled · 02/10/2009 17:53

I wouldn't if your daughter is old enough to notice and young enough to still care.

But also because going to Thailand for a long weekend is totally and utterly unethical in terms of environmental abuse.

123andaway · 02/10/2009 17:56

Thailand for the weekend? Will it not be time to turn around an come back as soon as you get there.

How old is DD?

lilysam · 02/10/2009 17:59

Depends on age of dd, how bothered you think she's be etc...

Is the trip a once in a lifetime opportunity thing, that you'd never get to do again. If so I' be tempted to go

If kids b'days fall during the week often little fuss is made until the weekend or whatever when the parties occur so in that sense you could 'move' her celebration and do it before you go.

OnlyWantsOneFartleBerry · 02/10/2009 18:01

Depends on all the things said above.

However I am interested as to how you get the chance to go to Thailand for a weekend. Lovely

lilysam · 02/10/2009 18:01

Am i going to get slated now ??? Selfish mother

WhereYouLeftIt · 02/10/2009 18:01

Depends on your DD's age. And whether you want to spend that long in transit for just a weekend.

SerendipitousHarlot · 02/10/2009 18:14

I wouldn't slate anybody! Different strokes for different folks and all that.

It's just something I'm a little bit funny about, that's all. I never even work on my own birthday

ChunkyKitKat · 02/10/2009 18:19

If it's really important to you, do what lily suggests and move the celebration.

Also depends on how old she is and if she'd be devastated if you are not there, as the others have said.

Original poster

tinkerbellesmuse · 03/10/2009 04:17

Sorry meant to put in OP that she will be 5 - so probably old enough to notice and young enough to care...

TBH I hadn't given it too much thought it's not as if she'll be abandoned or home alone as DH (her dad) will be with her. Just figured we'd have her party the week before and all would be well. But kinda had my fill of judgey comments on the subject this week!

It's not a once in a lifetime opportunity but I have had a crappy year and my best friend from home (UK) will be there for work. I don't live in UK (so maybe only partly unethical rather than utterly unethical eh mazzy?) and don't get to spend much time with her so plan is to fly out stay in her hotel (so I wont be paying) and have myself a lovely cheap girlie break.

Does sound a bit selfish when I write it down though doesn't it....

OP posts:

CheerfulYank · 03/10/2009 04:23

I don't think so. It's not like you're ignoring her bday. I was in a wedding on DS' birthday this year and didn't see him at all. We just had his party a different day. A lovely cheap girlie break sounds faaaaaaaaaaaaaaabulous.

Minshu · 03/10/2009 07:20

My mum went to India and Pakistan as a "once in a lifetime opportunity" over Christmas and New Year when my bro and I were about 8 & 9 (can't really remember exact ages) and we survived.

She made a big deal of how excited she was, what great things we'd be doing with Granny over Christmas and bought us lots of presents, stories and photos back. I guess we missed her, but that trip meant such a lot to her - I remember her happiness rather than any misery on our part It would do you good (if you don't fall into a guilt trap).

flimflammum · 03/10/2009 07:48

It only matters if your DD would be upset. Maybe you could spin it as, lucky her, she's getting TWO birthdays - a party (or whatever) with DH there on the day, and a special day trip somewhere with you when you get back.

BLEEPyouYOUbleepingBLEEP · 03/10/2009 09:29

She's only five, so it's not that long ago she came into the world. It does sound selfish that the person who it should mean the most to, thinks more of a weekend away to see her friend than to celebrate it with her.

If you think she wont notice it because she's only five, she might look back when she's 10 and wonder why you made that choice?

piscesmoon · 03/10/2009 09:37

I always put the DCs birthdays first.

zookeeper · 03/10/2009 09:53

Of course you should go. Celebrate before or after.

nbee84 · 03/10/2009 09:53

DH and I missed dd's 4th birthday as we got married 3 days before her birthday and someone offered us their apartment in Spain for a honeymoon as a wedding present. I remember deliberating over it, but in the end she stayed with her gp's and though we missed her she had a wonderful time being spoilt by my parents.

twirlymum · 03/10/2009 09:58

I don't understand why it's unethical to go for the weekend? If you went for a month you'd still do the same number of flights?

paddingtonbear1 · 03/10/2009 10:10

My initial reaction was to say no, I wouldn't go if it were me. But thinking about it, it would really depend if she'd mind not having you/her party/presents on the actual day. If not you could celebrate with presents etc on the weekend before?

starwhores · 03/10/2009 12:59

You can't go, her birthday is once a year and she should be the most important person at least one day a year.

YABU and really selfish.

Imagine how you would have felt at five if your Mum couldn't be bothered to be there for you.

A lovely cheap girly break for me or celebrating my daughter's fifth birthday.... that's you choice, personally it's not a choice.

OhYouBadBadKitten · 03/10/2009 13:07

Thailand for a weekend? Surely that is madness!!!

Hando · 03/10/2009 13:19

I would go, definitely without a doubt. My dd is 5 also. I ahven;t missed her borthdays but often we just have presents in the morning then a normal day and a party / family presents at the weekend.

If it were a school day she'd be at school, I wouldn't think to take a day off work for my own birthday.

Of course she will notice, but she's with her dad and you're only going for a weekend.

Starwhores - How do you know Op's dd isn't the most important person to her everyday! MY dd is to me, even when I'm away. She isn;t going to not celebrate her dd's birthday, just do it a few days later.

ElaineFiggis · 03/10/2009 13:22

I wouldn't go. My 5yo would be gutted, he just wouldn't understand why I wanted to be anywhere other than with him on his birthday.

LibrasBiscuitsOfFortune · 03/10/2009 13:26

You know I can't even remember my fifth birthday. I think you should explain this way she has 2 birthdays like another poster has said. Honestly the world doesn't stop just because you have children and they aren't going to turn into mass murderers because you missed their fifth birthday unless you are a horrible mother the rest of the time as well (which I am guessing you aren't).

You are not selfish, you shouldn't feel guilty and you will have a good time.

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